


Flowers In Spring

by andiheardthemplaying



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Plot, hakyeon is an idiot, probably longer than it needs to be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2018-08-12 02:31:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 63,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7916968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andiheardthemplaying/pseuds/andiheardthemplaying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Hakyeon had ever wanted to do was dance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

Hakyeon sighed and shook out his damp fringe. They had been dancing for eight hours straight now, and it looked like they would be continuing late into the night. It was one of those gruelling days when Hakyeon wondered why he had chosen this life – when his back was aching, and the muscles in his legs and arms were screaming at him to collapse to the floor and sleep. His clothes stuck to his skin, and his hair got soaked through with sweat and then dried in stiff clumps during the few, quick breaks they were allotted. He glanced around at the rest of the members, all just as tired as he was, and grimaced before straightening up from where he was slumped against the wall.

“Come on, everyone,” he called wearily. “Let’s run it again.” There was a chorus of groans as the other five boys straightened up as well, and then their dance teacher was telling them to get into the starting position and turning the music back on. They threw themselves into the dance, grimly determined to perfect the moves as soon as possible, and knowing that once they did practices would get substantially easier. They worked and worked, as the light coming in the windows changed slowly before petering out completely when the sun finally set. At last, the dance teacher called a halt. He smiled encouragingly at them all and told them they had done well, the dance looked good, now go home and sleep.

Hakyeon briefly considered just collapsing to the floor there in the studio and curling up for the night, but he took in a deep breath and then began rounding up the rest of his members, herding them out of the room and the building, into the van, and then into their dorm. “Quick showers, guys, then bed,” he said as they all stumbled through the door. Jaehwan shot off to the bathroom first, to half-hearted protests from the younger three. Hakyeon smiled and shook his head as he collapsed on the couch. He groaned quietly as his weight came off of his feet and the soles turned warm and tingly. He heard Taekwoon go into the kitchen and begin rustling around and rolled his head to the side to see him making some snacks. He brought them into the living room and set them down, waving the others to come and eat. Hongbin and Sanghyuk fell on the food like vultures, and Wonshik shoved his way between them to get some for himself. Taekwoon took one look at Hakyeon and shook his head before he gathered some food up and brought it to the leader himself.

“Eat, Hakyeon-ah,” he said quietly, layering his words with alpha authority. It would affect even another alpha, especially if that alpha was as tired and run down as Hakyeon. Of course, Hakyeon wasn’t an alpha, so it would definitely affect him, but Taekwoon didn’t know that. None of them did. He pushed himself up straight and took the food, smiling gratefully. He ate it quietly, watching the antics of his younger band mates as they play-fought over the food. Jaehwan came out of the shower, already in pyjamas, and dove on the food delightedly as Wonshik jumped up and ran for the bathroom, gently knocking Hongbin down on the way. And so the next hour passed, each of them taking turns to shower while the rest ate their meagre meal.

Finally, Taekwoon came out of the shower and nudged at Hakyeon to get up and take his turn. Hakyeon grumbled and dragged himself off the couch, stumbling slightly with a wince as the pain in his back flared. Taekwoon caught him, looking alarmed.

“I’m fine, Taekwoonie,” Hakyeon murmured, waving away the concern from the rest of the members, as well. “My back hurts a little, that’s all. Nothing a good night’s sleep won’t cure.” Taekwoon looked at him shrewdly. He nodded slowly and allowed Hakyeon to shuffle off to the bathroom on his own. He turned on the water and stripped off his clothes. He stuck one hand into the spray and sighed at the lukewarm temperature (the price of living with five other boys), before turning the cold water almost all the way off, hoping to get as much hot water as he could. He stepped into the shower and moaned quietly at the feel of the water pounding into his sore shoulders, drenching his sweat stiff hair. He turned his face up into the spray and allowed himself to stand there and relish in it for a moment, before grabbing the shampoo and washing his hair, and then the soap to wash the sweat from his skin.

He felt the water sluice the suds off of him, and he felt it take the fake scent with it. He relaxed for a moment, allowing himself to feel himself, before he reached out of the shower into the cabinet over the sink that no one ever used and pulled out the bottle of body wash that would saturate his skin with alpha scent and fool everyone for another day. He felt his eyes prick as he smoothed the soap over his arms and shoulders, and down his torso, over his hips, down his legs.

Everyone knew, statistically, that the K-Pop industry was full of omegas masquerading as alphas and betas. There were so many of them, there was no way every single one could be an alpha. By extension, everyone knew that there were mated pairs. Some were better at hiding it than others. Hakyeon was one of them. He was an omega. An omega who had always wanted to dance on a stage, rather than be hidden away the way most omegas still were, though things were changing very slowly. So as soon as he knew what he was, he began researching ways of hiding it.

Generally, boys developed their scents around the age of thirteen. The scent was the only way, aside from being told or medical testing, that other people could tell what they were. Omegas did tend to be slighter than alphas and betas, but not enough so that someone could definitively tell what someone was just from that. But the individual themself knew before that. No one was quite sure why, but there were countless reports of individuals recalling the day they knew what they were, before their scents had fully developed. Hakyeon woke up one morning when he was thirteen, and he knew that he was an omega. And so he found the cheapest, simplest way he could to hide it immediately, and over the next year constantly researched better ways. Even his family didn’t know, much less the company.

Every morning, Hakyeon took a suppressant pill, which held back the biological aspects of being an omega. Every time he took a shower, he used his special body wash so that he would smell like an alpha. He had trained himself to hold himself a certain way, to talk with a certain authority, to command space in the way that alphas did. So he was able to lead a group of three alphas and two betas, and no one was the wiser.

He sighed as he climbed out of the shower, impatiently wiping away the few tears that had escaped. He stared into the mirror at himself, examining his face (the bags under his eyes, the pallor of his skin, his chapped lips), and then he pulled on a t-shirt and sweatpants and walked out into the living room again. He watched for a moment as Wonshik tackled Sanghyuk to the ground to wrestle a treat from the younger alpha’s hands, with Jaehwan and Hongbin laughing and cheering them on. Taekwoon was shaking his head at the lot of them from where he was reclining on the couch. Hakyeon chuckled quietly and then clapped his hands.

“Come on, bedtime!” he called. He waved away their protests. “You were all dead on your feet at the studio, you’ll fall asleep the minute your heads hit the pillow. Time to sleep, come on.” He walked over and began clearing up the snacks from the floor. The others grumbled but began to help as well. Hakyeon went to stand up and gasped sharply as his back protested, and he felt large hands immediately guide him to the couch and sit him down before gently taking away the trash he was holding. He smiled gratefully up at Taekwoon and reached behind himself to rub at the tight, sore muscles. Hongbin came and sat down beside him and batted his hands away.

“Let me, hyung,” he said. Long fingers dug into the muscles at the base of Hakyeon’s back. He sucked in a breath and then relaxed as they slowly but surely worked away the pain. He relaxed into the back of the couch a little.

“Thanks, Binnie,” he said quietly.

“Of course, hyung,” the beta murmured. “You shouldn’t let it get this bad,” he chastised gently. Hakyeon laughed dryly.

“It was just a long day of practice, don’t worry.” He could almost hear Hongbin’s frown.

“But we do worry, hyung,” he said. “You take care of us everyday, but you won’t let us help you. It doesn’t mean that we don’t see how tired you get.” Sanghyuk sat down in front of Hakyeon.

“Hongbin hyung is right,” he said quietly. He searched Hakyeon’s face worriedly. “Are you sure you’re ok?” he asked. “You look really tired, hyung.” Hakyeon smiled and patted the maknae’s cheek.

“I’m fine, Hyukkie,” he said. “Don’t you worry about me. I’m a tough old man.” He smiled as he said it, hoping to reassure the two younger boys. Sanghyuk smiled briefly and then leaned into Hakyeon’s chest.

“If you’re sure,” he whispered. Hakyeon smiled and brought a hand up to card through Sanghyuk’s still damp hair.

“I am,” he said. “I am.” Hongbin sighed and leaned his torso against Hakyeon’s back, and Sanghyuk made a quiet disgruntled sound as he wriggled around to fit more comfortably against Hakyeon’s chest. Hakyeon laughed. “Where did all of this come from? Normally you two are the first to run screaming when I want cuddles – even before Taekwoon!” He reached one hand up to stroke at Hongbin’s silky hair where it fell over his neck.

“We’re worried about you, hyung,” the beta said. “You’ve seemed so tired lately, and you’re eating less and losing weight.”

“And Taekwoon hyung says you’re not sleeping well,” Sanghyuk added. Hakyeon was stunned. First, he hadn’t entirely noticed what they were talking about, but beyond that he had no idea they paid such close attention to him. He felt a twinge of unease, and a flash of disgust with himself for it – if they were really watching him so closely, how long would it take for them to discover his secret? He shook himself inwardly.

“I’m alright, boys, I promise,” he said quietly. “I’m a little stressed about the comeback, and that is translating into not sleeping very well. But I’ll be fine. I have you looking out for me, don’t I?” His voice was teasing, but Sanghyuk’s face when he looked up at him and Hongbin’s voice when he responded were anything but.

“Always, hyung,” Hongbin whispered. Hakyeon felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes, and he scoffed and wiped them away.

“Now look, you’ve made me cry,” he said pseudo irritably. Sanghyuk chuckled and sat up.

“Not our fault – didn’t you just say you’re an old man?” he asked, grinning. Hakyeon glared.

“Alright, that’s enough you two,” he said. “Bed time, we have a long day tomorrow. He straightened up and stood, pulling Hongbin with him. He gave the younger boy a quick hug in thanks for the massage, and then chased both of them to their room. He sighed and walked slowly through the dorm, turning out lights and checking the locks, before he made his way to his own room. Taekwoon and Jaehwan were already there. Jaehwan was fast asleep, but Taekwoon was sitting up, watching the door. When Hakyeon came in he turned and climbed under his blankets. Hakyeon smiled and turned off the light before crossing to his own bed.

“They’re right, you know,” Taekwoon said quietly into the darkness. “You have been losing weight, and you’re much more tired than you used to be.” Hakyeon stiffened and then forced and airy chuckle from his lips.

“I’m fine, Woonie, don’t worry about me,” he said, feigning indifference. He heard Taekwoon sigh and then the rustle of blankets as the alpha rolled over. Hakyeon sighed himself and closed his eyes. Just as he drifted into an uneasy sleep, he heard one last whisper.

“How can we not when you won’t worry about yourself?”


	2. Chapter Two

The next morning, Hakyeon woke with his alarm and groaned. His head was pounding, his joints ached, and his back was a fiery locus of pain. He dragged himself upright, wincing the whole way, and then forced himself to stand. He shuffled over to Taekwoon and tried to bend down to shake his friend awake – tried being the operative word. The moment his back left an upright position, it screamed with pain and he had to straighten up with a gasp. He caught his breath and then very carefully crouched down to shake Taekwoon awake and ask him to help wake the others. The younger man woke and took one look at Hakyeon’s tense face before sitting up immediately and moving to wake Jaehwan. Hakyeon left his bedside to get dressed and wash his face.

He took his time, moving slowly, and when he finally walked out of his room, the rest of the band was gathered at the kitchen table eating breakfast. He sat down beside Wonshik and smiled weakly when Taekwoon immediately pushed a plate of food over to him. He picked up his chopsticks and ate a couple of bites and then sat quietly, pushing the food around on his plate.

Some time later – minutes? He wasn’t sure – there was movement around him as his members stood to clear the table and gather their things to leave for the day. Hakyeon stood as well, picking up his plate to put his food back in the pan and then put the plate in the sink. He was just turning away from the stove when a shot of pain worse than all the rest shot up his spine. He gasped and tensed, and felt the plate slip from his fingers. He heard it hit the floor and shatter, and he heard the shocked exclamations from his band mates, and then suddenly his legs weren’t working, and he was falling and he tried to catch himself on the table, the counter anything – and then strong arms wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him back up, and the pain was worse, fire and ice and steel all at once, and he whimpered loudly and his vision went spotty and vague, and then he collapsed.

 

It had happened almost in slow motion. Taekwoon had turned to leave the kitchen, following the four younger boys, when he heard the soft gasp and then the crash of the plate on the floor. He turned just in time to see Hakyeon start to fall, the slender, strong body seeming to crumple in on itself, and he rushed to catch him before he hit the ground. He managed to pull him up, and then he heard the older man whimper, and then he went limp. For a moment, no one moved. Then the other four members burst into motion, rushing over to him, all clamouring to know what was happening (as if he knew), whether Hakyeon was alright (of course he wasn’t) and what to do next. This, Taekwoon could answer.

“Quiet!” he yelled. All four boys went silent. “I don’t know what happened, but we’ll find out soon enough. Wonshik, call the manager. Tell him what happened, that we won’t be able to attend schedules today.” Wonshik nodded and moved away, pulling out his phone as he did. Taekwoon pressed his hand to Hakyeon’s cheek and forehead and bit his lip. “He’s got a fever. Jaehwan, get me a blanket. Hongbin, get a cold wet towel. Hyuk, call an ambulance.” The three boys nodded. “Come on, Hakyeon,” Taekwoon muttered. He brought one hand up to the other boy’s face and patted it gently, trying not to jostle him. “Wake up.” There was no response.

It seemed like hours later that the ambulance finally arrived, just behind their manager. Taekwoon allowed paramedics to take Hakyeon from him, and followed them into the ambulance immediately. The other boys piled into the car with their manager to follow them to the hospital. When they arrived, a nurse looked apologetically at Taekwoon and told him he would have to stay in the waiting room, they would come find him as soon as they knew what was going on. The tall alpha paced around the small room, only stopping when his members burst in to tell them what had happened.

They waited silently, not looking at each other, until a nurse came to get them and told them they could sit with Hakyeon now. Taekwoon winced when he stood in the doorway of the room – the leader looked so small on the hospital bed, hooked up to an IV. They settled down around the room to wait for him to wake up. Hongbin curled up on the end of the bed, Wonshik and Sanghyuk sat against the wall. Jaehwan stood behind Hongbin, hands on his shoulders, and Taekwoon pulled a chair over to the bed.

 

Hakyeon woke up with a start. He gasped and tried to sit up immediately, confused about where he was and what was happening, and then cried out as the pain in his back flared.

“Hyung!” he heard someone call out, and then there were hands on his body, gently forcing him back down onto the mattress. He was panting, sweating at the pain, and he forced his eyes open and stared around him. He was in a hospital room, his members crowded around him, all looking worried. He took stock of himself – the only major pain he could feel was his back, but he remembered a headache and sore joints that morning. He had fallen – dropped a plate and collapsed, but someone had caught him.

“What’s going on?” he asked quietly. Wonshik spoke up.

“You fainted. We called an ambulance, we didn’t know what else to do. The doctor hasn’t come back yet,” he said. Hakyeon nodded.

“Our schedule?” he asked. Taekwoon shook his head.

“Cancelled. There’s no way you’re going in this condition, Hakyeon, you can barely even sit up,” he said. Hakyeon sighed.

“Ok. Help me sit up now, though – Taekwoon, I’ll be fine, you can stuff pillows behind me if you want!” Taekwoon pursed his lips and glared at the other man but finally helped him adjust the bed so that he was sitting up. He saw Jaehwan leave the room and come back moments later with two extra pillows, and nodded to him in thanks. Hakyeon settled back onto the pillows with a wince and shifted around for a moment before he went still. He looked around at the five boys in the room and smiled softly.

“Yah! I’ll be fine, guys, I promise,” he said gently. Hongbin huffed and crawled up the bed to carefully curl up into Hakyeon’s side.

“We were scared, hyung,” he said quietly in answer to Hakyeon’s surprised glance. “I’ve never seen you just – collapse like that.” Hakyeon smiled again.

“It’ll be alright, Binnie,” he said. “The doctor will tell me what’s wrong, and then I’ll be fine. Remember? I’ve got you all looking out for me.” Hongbin smiled and nodded, and curled closer to Hakyeon. Jaehwan pulled a chair around to the other side of the bad and sat down as well. Taekwoon stood to the side, arms crossed over his chest, fighting a smile. Hongbin was normally so prickly, preferring not to engage in the cuddles that Hakyeon seemed almost pathologically inclined to, and here he was clinging to the older man of his own volition.

The door opened then, and an older man with thick glasses and mostly gray hair stepped inside. He looked around and smiled at the boys before him. “You’re awake!” he said to Hakyeon. “That’s good. How are you feeling?” Hakyeon nodded to him.

“My back hurts,” he said. “But other than that I’m fine.” The doctor nodded. He glanced around at the other boys.

“I wonder, boys – could I speak with Mr. Cha alone for a moment? You can come right back inside,” he assured them when every one of them tensed. Hakyeon rolled his eyes.

“Oh, go on,” the leader exclaimed. “What’s he going to do, smile me to death? I’ll be fine. Let me talk to the doctor, you all go and get something to eat.” Hongbin opened his mouth to protest, and Hakyeon glared. “I know all five of you, Lee Hongbin, none of you have eaten anything since all this happened, have you?” The younger boy looked down sheepishly. Hakyeon pushed him gently to get him standing. “Go on, all of you – I’ll be just fine, I promise,” he said, smiling gently at them. Jaehwan leaned down and hugged him tightly once, before grabbing Sanghyuk and Wonshik and pulling them out of the room with him. Hongbin hugged him as well, lingering until finally Taekwoon gently pulled him off of Hakyeon and out of the door, one arm wrapped firmly around his shoulders. Hakyeon kept his smile until the door closed, and then he let it fall and turned worriedly to the doctor. The older man – a beta, Hakyeon could tell – smiled at him.

“Loyal friends you have there, Hakyeon,” he said gently. Hakyeon smiled, feeling proud, and nodded. The doctor shifted in his seat, his expression changing. “Hakyeon, we ran some standard tests on you when you arrived. General checks so that we can find the problem quickly and help you get better,” he began. Hakyeon nodded. “One of the tests, though – well, it contradicted what your members told us when the ambulance arrived.” Hakyeon tensed. He felt dread seep through his stomach, and he clenched his fists in the sheets of the bed.

“Really?” he asked weakly. “What – what was the test?” The doctor levelled him with a stern glance.

“Your friends told the paramedics that you are – ” he glanced at the chart in front of him. “That you are a twenty-six year old male alpha, 180 cm, 65 kg.” Hakyeon nodded weakly. The doctor met his eyes. “But one of our tests, aside from a couple of other things, also tells us what your type is. And your results say that you’re an omega.” Hakyeon let out a shaky breath, his eyes pricking with tears. Thirteen years kept a secret, and finally someone found out, and why? Because he couldn’t deal with back pain.

“I – ” he started, but he stopped, not knowing how to continue. The doctor sighed.

“Hakyeon, I think you should probably tell me what’s going on. Everything,” he said kindly. Hakyeon sniffed and laughed harshly.

“What does my type have to do with anything? I fainted because of back pains, didn’t I?” he asked harshly.

“I don’t believe so, no,” the doctor replied. Hakyeon raised an eyebrow at him. “The test that told us what you are is a test of your wolf side. It shows us the relative health of the wolf part of you, so that we can move forward and help the rest of you. It also helps us to know if what’s troubling someone stems from the wolf or not.” Hakyeon nodded. “Your test results were – alarming, to say the least, Hakyeon. It showed that you are an omega, but there was no sign of you having been in heat recently, or for a very long time. Your wolf also seemed to be dormant. Asleep, essentially, and very deeply asleep at that.”

“What does that mean?” Hakyeon asked quietly. The doctor looked sad.

“You’ll have to tell me if I’m right, but I believe that it means that you have been suppressing your wolf for a long time,” he said. Hakyeon sighed shakily. “Tell me what’s going on, Hakyeon. I can help you, but only if I know what the problem is.” Hakyeon nodded.

“You’re right. I’m an omega, I’ve been hiding it for a while. I have to, in order to do my job,” he said quietly. The doctor tilted his head in question. “I’m a singer. Everyone sort of knows that the industry is full of omegas, but no one knows who they are. The companies prefer it that way, since it means they don’t have to deal with accommodations for us. So I kept it a secret for that reason. I think it’s safe to say that I never would have even made it into the company if they knew what I was. But beyond that, I’m the leader of my band. My band of three alphas and two betas. I would never be able to keep them in line if they knew I was an omega.” Hakyeon stopped. The doctor nodded slowly and searched the younger man’s face.

“Are those your only reasons?” he asked gently. “There’s nothing else?” Hakyeon nodded.

“Aside from the general backwardness in the way people view omegas, yes. That’s all.”

“And how have you been hiding it all this time?” the doctor asked.

“A combination of special soap and pills. The soap masks my scent and makes me smell like an alpha, and the pills stop heats as well as provide some resistance to authority. So that I can stand up to alphas and betas, and tell them what to do if I need to.” The doctor nodded.

“And how long have you been doing this?” he asked then. Hakyeon took a deep breath.

“The current combination, about six years,” he said quietly. The doctor looked at him sharply.

“The current combination?” he asked.

“It took me a while to find the right products,” Hakyeon said. “I found the soap six years ago, I’ve been using it every day ever since.”

“And before that?” the doctor asked.

“Before that, there were – ” he paused to think, counting, “four years where I just used pills. I had strong perfumes and colognes that I used to muddle up my scent. And then for three years before that, I used a bunch of different herbal suppressants that I found recipes for online.” The doctor stared at him.

“Hakyeon – that’s thirteen years!” he gasped. “You’ve been doing this that long? That’s half your life!” Hakyeon looked away.

“I know,” he said quietly. He shook himself. “Why does it matter right now, anyway?” he asked brusquely. “I could see why it might matter if I ever wanted to mate with someone, but I don’t, and as you said I’ve been doing this for thirteen years, and I’m fine.” The doctor shook his head.

“You’re not fine, Hakyeon,” he said.

“What do you mean?” Hakyeon asked slowly. The doctor sighed.

“There is not extensive research on this, as the nature of an omega in hiding is that they are in hiding, and don’t want to be found. But what research has been done has provided very reliable findings, which match up with what you are experiencing. Your band members also told us that you haven’t been sleeping well, or eating much, and you seem to be losing weight. This is all connected to you suppressing your wolf.” Hakyeon stared at him.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” he said. The doctor sighed.

“Hakyeon, you have two sides – the wolf and the man. Both are equally a part of you, and both can be hurt. Because of the way we live now, among regular humans, the wolf side of us doesn’t come out as often. But it is still very much there. Am I right in assuming that you haven’t shifted at all since you began suppressing your wolf side, as well?” Hakyeon nodded. “You have suppressed it for so long, it has grown very weak. This is throwing you off balance. The man Hakyeon is healthy, but the wolf is not, and since you are not only one of those, but both, neither are you.”

“What do you suggest then?” Hakyeon asked.

“I suggest you stop taking the pills, stop using the soap, and take some time to yourself to allow your wolf to heal. Go to the mountains, shift and live as a wolf for a while. Allow yourself to be who and what you are.” Hakyeon was shaking his head before the doctor finished speaking.

“I can’t. We’re too busy, there’s too much to do, I can’t just leave them. And anyway, how would I explain it? To anyone, not just the group and the company? No one knows about this but you, it would be a shock for everyone.” The doctor stared at him, eyes wide.

“What do you mean, no one knows about this but me?” he asked, shocked. “Surely your family knows.” Hakyeon shook his head.

“I knew what I wanted to do when I was six, doctor. And when I woke up one morning when I was thirteen and realised that I was an omega, I knew I had approximately two weeks to find a way to hide it. So I did.” He looked at the beta seriously. “No one knows what I am, except for me, you and whoever else saw those tests.” The doctor looked flabbergasted.

“Then – Hakyeon, have you ever been in heat?” he asked. Hakyeon shook his head. The man’s eyes widened and he ran a hand through his hair.

“Is that more of a problem?” Hakyeon asked wearily. The doctor nodded.

“If you had been in heat at least once before, it wouldn’t be as bad, but – ” he stopped.

“What? What about it?” Hakyeon asked impatiently.

“The first heat is always the worst, because it is the first time that the wolf and the person  - mix, so to speak.” Hakyeon furrowed his eyebrows, confused. “When you’re a child, the wolf and the person are separate. When you are in your human form, you are human, when you are in your wolf form, you are a wolf. You know how children can be so active and independent in their wolf forms, and then shift back and they’re still unable to crawl as humans?” Hakyeon nodded. “That’s what I mean. Up until the first heat, for omegas, the wolf and the person are separate. But because the heat takes over your entire self, not just the wolf, it forces the two sides to merge. It’s different for alphas, but similar things happen around the same time, and betas are a middle ground in essence, so they are born with both sides balanced already. But you never went through that. Your wolf is still separate, and very possibly it is still a child.” Hakyeon stared at the doctor for a long moment, shocked.

“But – I’ve been fine all this time,” he said. “This has never happened to me before. Why now?” The doctor spread his hands.

“I don’t know. Your body has finally given up. It was always going to eventually, I think,” he said. Hakyeon nodded shakily.

“So what do I do? I can’t go off the suppressants – I can’t stop. It would mean losing everything,” he rushed on when the doctor opened his mouth. “When I told you the reasons, I left one out. My family – I love them, and they love me, but they would never let me do this, be here, if they knew what I was. All of my siblings are alphas and betas. And my father always talks about how proud he is to have a family of strong alphas and smart betas. There’s no room for an omega there.” The beta sighed sadly.

“Yes, people do insist on seeing omegas as so very weak, don’t they?” he murmured. He looked up and met Hakyeon’s eyes. “I can’t force you to do anything, Hakyeon,” he said. “I won’t. I very strongly suggest that you stop the suppressants and the soap and take time for yourself to allow your wolf to heal. It will be hard, seeing as the heat will be immeasurably worse than what it would have been had you gone into one when you were thirteen, but you would get through it. If you won’t do that, I can help you with the pain in your back and get you on your feet again, even dancing, but I have to warn you – if you keep going like this, it is very possible that you will have another episode like this one. And you probably won’t live much longer.” Hakyeon nodded shakily.

“For – for now, just – just get me on my feet again,” he whispered. The doctor sighed sadly and nodded.

“I’ll give you painkillers and refer you to a physical therapist. There’s an excellent one in this hospital, which I believe is close to where you live?” Hakyeon nodded. “She’ll be able to help you with exercises for your back.”

“Thank you,” Hakyeon said quietly. The doctor smiled gently at him and nodded.

“I know you have a busy schedule, but I would stay off your feet unless you have support for a few days. Rest, do the exercises, and you’ll be up and dancing in no time, I’m sure,” he said. Hakyeon nodded again. “Right, then. I’m sure your friends are chomping at the bit to get back in here and see that I haven’t – what was it? Smiled you to death?” Hakyeon smiled weakly. The doctor scribbled something on a piece of paper and held it out to Hakyeon. “My name and contact information, and the name and information of the physical therapist. Please contact her as soon as possible, and if you need to talk to me at any time just let me know.” Hakyeon took the paper and murmured a quiet thank you. The doctor nodded and opened the door. Five nervous, tense boys poured into the room, immediately rushing Hakyeon and running gentle hands over him, checking that he was alright. Hakyeon smiled and scoffed at them, batting their hands away.

“I’m fine!” he exclaimed loudly. Hongbin glared at him and then resumed his former position curled into Hakyeon’s side. The older man looked down at him in surprise and then laughed quietly as he wrapped an arm around him and hugged him close.

“Hakyeon,” the doctor called from the door. Hakyeon looked up. “Please think about what we talked about.” Hakyeon swallowed and nodded. The doctor smiled once more, waved at them, and left the room. As soon as the door closed behind him, four voices rose up, clamouring to know what they had talked about, what was going on, if Hakyeon was alright.

“Quiet!” Hakyeon yelled finally. “I’m fine. I have to go to a physical therapist and rest for a few days, and then I’ll be back on my feet, I promise,” he said. He met each pair of eyes as reassuringly as he could, and when they all finally sighed and nodded, he let out a quiet breath of relief.

Hakyeon stayed in the hospital that night, forcing his members to go home and rest. The next day he had his first physical therapist appointment. The woman was kind, and he liked her immediately. She was a human but had worked with wolves before and knew how to help them. By the end of his third session, he felt infinitely better and was able to do simple dance routines. His physical therapist spoke with his manager, advising that they hold off as much as possible on strenuous dancing for now, but if he had to he would be able to.

Hakyeon was discharged from the hospital quickly, and life went on. He reassured his fans and his family that he was alright, it was just some back pains, and carried on with his life. In the rush of continued physical therapy appointments, schedules, practices and keeping his members in line, he never really found time to think very hard on what he and the doctor (Dr. Park, according to the paper he had given him) had talked about. He didn’t go back to see him, but he kept the paper in his wallet.

Late at night, when the others were all fast asleep, Hakyeon would lie awake, thinking about his wolf. He had never really given it much thought before. He had always wanted to dance, and everything else took second place to that. So when the wolf slowly started to fade to the back of his mind, he didn’t dwell on it. There were times when he missed running through the woods with his family, but then he would remember that he was doing what he loved and he forgot about it. But now, he reached into himself and tried to pull the wolf out, and he felt a sharp, searing pang of loss when he couldn’t. It was there, somewhere, but he couldn’t draw it out.

Hakyeon huffed a sigh and rolled over on his futon. It didn’t matter. He was living his dream, doing what he loved, with people that he loved. There was nothing else to say. He closed his eyes and forced himself to relax.

_ But what would those people say if they knew you had been lying to them all his time, hmmm? _ he wondered, just as he fell asleep.


	3. Chapter Three

The days went on as normal. Practicing, sleeping, interviews, variety shows, recording – they fell into their normal routine, and while Hakyeon’s stint in the hospital was not forgotten, they moved on. Hakyeon noticed that all five of his members were sometimes extra careful with him, helping him from the stage or steadying him as they walked, but for the most part they went on as normal and he found himself once again dealing with incessant teasing and jokes. He was sometimes entirely ready to murder Sanghyuk and Hongbin, or put duct tape over Jaehwan’s mouth, or tie Wonshik to his bed so that he would actually sleep for once instead of staying up composing till all hours of the night. But he enjoyed the familiarity of it, and so he grit his teeth and only glared from across the room when Sanghyuk launched into his teasing of the ‘old man’, instead of walking over to him and smacking him.

In retrospect, he should have known that something was coming. Everything was going too smoothly, too well, and he still hadn’t dealt with the terrifying revelation that he was damaged, not whole, and might not live much longer. But he was too busy with all of his responsibilities to notice the fatigue catching up to him again, or the worried looks from the other members increasing in number. His back still hurt, but he did his exercises and left it at that.

It finally all came to a head. They had a rare break. They had had a string of successful comebacks, and the company had decided that they deserved a rest. The first morning of the break, Hakyeon dragged himself out of bed and into the bathroom to shower. He washed himself off and then reached for his special body wash. He shook it and noticed that he was almost out, and made a mental note to get some more later that day. He scrubbed it over his skin quickly, hating the feel and the smell of it, and then shook the bottle again. It was empty.

He stepped out of the shower and dried himself off, and then quickly got dressed and took the empty bottle to the big trashcan in the kitchen. He threw it away there, and then walked back to the bathroom to brush his teeth and take his pills. He reached for the bottle where it was hidden amongst all of his other things – moisturizers and perfumes and makeup – and shook one out into his hand. He tossed it back and took a sip of water, and then reached for his toothbrush. As his hand curled around the plastic handle, he gasped and caught himself on the sink.

He had stumbled, nearly fell. He felt strange – hot and dizzy, and his head was pounding and his mouth was dry. He legs were shaky and the room was spinning. Carefully, holding onto the edge of the sink with a death grip, he brushed his teeth. He dropped the toothbrush and then edged slowly out into the living room. He could hear people moving around in the bedrooms, and he could see Taekwoon in the kitchen cooking breakfast. He walked slowly across the room and over to the couch, and then he fell onto it with a gasp.

Taekwoon looked up when he heard someone fall onto the couch. He rolled his eyes when he saw Hakyeon slumped there and went back to cooking, He looked up again, sharply, when he heard a quiet whimper from the older man. “Hakyeon?” he called quietly. “Are you alright?” There was no response. Taekwoon furrowed his eyebrows and walked over to the couch. He reached out and felt Hakyeon’s forehead gently, gasping when he did. He was burning up! “Hakyeon!” he exclaimed, louder. He reached out and grabbed the other man’s shoulders and shook him gently, trying to get a response.

“Taekwoon hyung?” he heard someone call from one of the bedrooms. A door opened and Hongbin walked out into the living room. He came over to them and put a hand on Taekwoon’s shoulder. “What’s going on?” he asked. Taekwoon shook his head.

“I don’t know. He’s feverish, I’m not sure what happened,” the alpha said. Hongbin reached out and felt Hakyeon’s forehead himself. He bit his lip.

“Should we call the manager?” he asked. Hakyeon seemed to hear that, because he reached out and grabbed Hongbin’s hand.

“No, I’ll be fine,” he whispered. “It’s just a cold.”

“Are you sure, hyung? You’re really hot,” Hongbin said worriedly. Hakyeon nodded.

“I’ll be fine. Get me a cold towel, would you Binnie?” he asked. Hongbin nodded and went into the kitchen. He came back and laid the towel across Hakyeon’s forehead, smiling at the sigh of relief. Taekwoon sat down beside the couch and helped Hakyeon to lie down on it fully. “Thanks, Taekwoonie,” he said quietly. Taekwoon squeezed his hand and then stood up again.

“I’m going to finish breakfast,” he said quietly. “Hongbin, you sit with him for a while, alright?” Hongbin nodded and took his place. He started to talk to Hakyeon quietly, telling him about some of the pictures he had managed to take while they were out at their schedules the other day. Hakyeon smiled and turned to look at the younger boy as he spoke. Hongbin was holding his hand, rubbing circles in his skin with his thumb.

Jaehwan, Wonshik and Sanghyuk came out into the living room then. They looked at Taekwoon inquisitively when they saw the two by the couch. The older alpha shook his head. “I don’t know. He came out here burning up and collapsed on the couch,” he said. Both of the younger alphas looked worried. Wonshik sighed and he and Jaehwan moved into the kitchen to help Taekwoon cook. Sanghyuk walked over to the couch and sat down beside Hongbin. Hakyeon looked at him when he arrived and smiled.

“Hyukkie!” he exclaimed quietly. The youngest smiled.

“Hey, hyung,” he said. “Taekwoon hyung says you’re not feeling well.” Hakyeon shrugged.

“I’m alright,” he said quietly. Hongbin sighed and leaned against Sanghyuk heavily.

“Yeah, right,” he muttered. Hakyeon glared weakly at him.

“Hush, Hongbin,” he said. “I’ll be fine. It’s just a fever, it’ll go away in a couple of days. We’re on a break anyway, so I’ll be able to get plenty of rest.” Hongbin didn’t look convinced.

“Breakfast is ready,” Taekwoon called quietly. Hongbin and Sanghyuk looked up from their spots on the floor to see the other three members carrying plates out into the living room. Jaehwan set one down next to Hongbin and then settled on the floor beside him. He grinned over at Hakyeon when the older man reached out and ruffled his hair. Wonshik handed Sanghyuk a plate and sat down as well, and Taekwoon set the two plates he was holding on the ground and reached out to help Hakyeon sit up carefully against the arm of the couch. He put one plate in the leader’s hands and sat in front of him, watching him carefully.

“Thank you, Taekwoonie,” Hakyeon said with a smile. He ate slowly, forcing himself to swallow down a bite before he spent long moments just pushing his food around the plate. Taekwoon sighed quietly to himself. Hakyeon had been eating less, again, and he was worried.

Breakfast was quiet, and when it was done the five younger members of the band stood to clear the plates and wash the dishes. Hakyeon tried to help, and received a stern glare from Taekwoon for his troubles. He huffed and settled back on the couch, trying to get comfortable. He watched as his members worked around each other quietly and smiled. They were rarely so coordinated outside of a dance routine. When they had finished, they came back into the living room and Sanghyuk and Hongbin immediately declared it a movie day. Jaehwan sprawled on top of both of them on the floor, laughing at their groans. Wonshik pushed Hakyeon’s feet out of the way and settled at the end of the couch, and Taekwoon sat at the other end. He sighed and rolled his eyes when Hakyeon leaned on him and stretched one arm over the back of the couch to allow the other man to settle into his side.

Hakyeon smiled as Hongbin prodded Jaehwan insistently until the older beta got up to turn off the lights and start the movie. He let his eyes half close in the darkness, the sounds from the TV mixing with the sounds of his members talking and laughing over the movie, arguing over the storyline, demanding quiet and questioning the choices the characters made. He felt himself dozing off, warm and comfortable.


	4. Chapter Four

When Hakyeon woke up again, he was leaning on someone else. The rich, spicy smell of Taekwoon had been replaced by the softer, sweeter scent of Hongbin. Hakyeon sighed and pushed his face into the younger man’s thigh. He winced at the sharp pain in his head.

“Hyung?” Hongbin asked him quietly. “How are you feeling?” Hakyeon shrugged and mumbled an incoherent sentence into the fabric of Hongbin’s jeans. “Taekwoon hyung is making dinner, I think it’s almost ready.” Hakyeon nodded sleepily before gasping and pushing himself up.

“Dinner?! How long was I asleep?” he demanded. Hongbin looked surprised.

“All day, hyung,” he said. “You’re sick, you need the rest. And we didn’t have anything to do anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.” Hakyeon shook his head. His frantic mind was settling on the empty bottle of body wash in the kitchen trashcan, and he began shakily pushing himself to his feet. “Hyung!” Hongbin exclaimed, alarmed. He stood as well and reached out to grab Hakyeon’s elbow and steady him. “Hyung, sit down – where are you going?” Hakyeon shook him off and began walking to the front door.

“I have an errand I have to run, Hongbinnie, don’t worry,” he said. At this Taekwoon, who had been watching the whole conversation from the kitchen, strode over to him and grabbed his arm. Hongbin backed away, staring at them with wide eyes.

“You’re not going out right now, Hakyeon-ah,” he said firmly. “Your errand can wait for tomorrow – ”

“No, it can’t!” Hakyeon exclaimed. “I’ll only be a few minutes, I’ll be back before dinner is ready.” Taekwoon glared down at him.

“Hakyeon, you can barely stand on your own. How are you going to walk all the way to wherever you need to go and back before dinner?” he said. Hakyeon scoffed.

“I’ll be fine, Taekwoon,” he said.

“If you really need this errand done tonight, tell one of us what it is you need and we’ll go get it for you. Just stay put,” Taekwoon insisted quietly. Hakyeon glared.

“It’s one quick errand, I’ll be back in no time,” he snarled. Taekwoon pulled him back to the couch and tried to push him back onto it. Hakyeon squirmed and yanked his arm out of Taekwoon’s grip. He strode away, his hand on his back.

“Hakyeon, come back - ” Taekwoon walked over to him and grabbed his arm again. “Sit down. I can see you wincing. You’re not going out like this. Sit down, tell me what it is you need, and I’ll go and get it for you.” Hakyeon shook his head.

“No. I need to go. I’ll be fine, Taekwoon, just let me go out for ten minutes.” Taekwoon huffed out a frustrated breath and raked his hand through his hair. He glared at Hakyeon for a moment, and then sighed.

“Fine. But I’m coming with you.” He glared when Hakyeon opened his mouth to protest. “I’ll stand outside the store if it’s really so important to you that your errand is a secret, but I’m walking you there and back.” They stared at each other, both stubborn and determined to get their way. By now, Jaehwan, Wonshik and Sanghyuk had joined Hongbin in watching the argument. Jaehwan was wringing his hands and biting his lip, looking like he wanted to speak up but Taekwoon’s alpha authority hung too heavy in the air. Wonshik inched forward.

“Come on, hyung, let Taekwoon hyung go with you,” he murmured. Hakyeon snapped his eyes to the younger man. They flicked from Wonshik to Sanghyuk to Jaehwan to Hongbin, and he clenched his jaw once before he sighed.

“Fine. But you stay outside, and you don’t make a big deal out of this. I’m fine to walk there,” he said quietly, glaring at Taekwoon. The alpha nodded and let go of Hakyeon’s arm.

“Dinner’s almost ready, you all,” he said quietly to the four younger members. “Just keep an eye on it and turn off the stove in about ten minutes.” Hongbin nodded. Taekwoon and Hakyeon walked to the entry way to put on shoes and jackets, and then they left. Taekwoon hovered behind Hakyeon the whole way to the elevator, which he insisted on using rather than stairs, and then kept a sharp eye on him once they got outside. He stayed close by him, his hands slightly out and ready to catch the older man if he fell again. Hakyeon scoffed and strode ahead, mostly steady.

They walked quickly for a little more than five minutes, and then Hakyeon stopped in front of a small, dark shop window. It was right between a brightly lit convenience store and a small cafe, and Taekwoon stared at it skeptically. “What is this place, Hakyeon?” he asked quietly. Hakyeon glanced at him.

“It’s a cosmetics shop,” he said briskly. “Stay out here, I’ll be back in a moment.” Taekwoon tensed and reluctantly stayed behind as the other man went into the shop. Hakyeon stepped inside and called out for the old woman who ran the shop. He heard shuffling from the back room and smiled as a small old woman with gray hair and sharp, dark eyes came bustling out into the main room. The scent of sweet flowers and clean sheets followed her, filling the shop with calming omega pheromones.

“Hakyeon-ah!” she exclaimed. He smiled and bowed. “It’s late, dear, what are you doing out at this hour?” she asked. Hakyeon laughed sheepishly.

“I need to buy some things, ajhumma,” he said. “I only managed to find time now. Did I wake you?” The little woman waved her hand.

“Of course not, dear,” she said. “You get your things together and I’ll ring you up, alright?” Hakyeon nodded and smiled. He quickly found the soap he needed, and then gathered up a couple more little things to draw attention away from it. He loved the little old woman who owned this shop, but he didn’t want anyone to know his secret (anyone else, now, he supposed). He walked up to the counter with his purchases and waited as the old woman scanned them. He grimaced slightly as his back twinged and shifted his stance to relieve the pain. When he had paid and waved goodbye, he stepped back out onto the street. Taekwoon was still there, glowering and imposing.

“You needed to make an emergency shopping run for cosmetics?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. Hakyeon glared at him.

“Yes. I was out of a couple of things that I need every day. You didn’t have to come, Taekwoon,” he said sharply. Taekwoon shook his head.

“Whatever. Let’s get back.” Hakyeon began walking again, Taekwoon resuming his position just behind him and to the side. They made it almost all the way home without incident, and then just outside the dorm Hakyeon staggered, gasping sharply as pain shot up his spine and out through every one of his limbs. Taekwoon reached out and grabbed him, steadying him in place. Hakyeon leaned on the wall for a moment, breathing heavily. A moment later he tried to stand up and whimpered as he almost collapsed back into the wall. Taekwoon huffed and reached out. He pulled one of Hakyeon’s arms around his shoulders and pulled him up, supporting most of his weight. He helped him to their door and knocked. When Sanghyuk pulled the door open, the younger alpha gasped and stepped back.

“Hyung!” he cried. He grabbed Hakyeon’s other hand and helped Taekwoon carry him in and put him on the couch.

“Take his shoes and coat off, Hyukkie,” Taekwoon murmured. Sanghyuk nodded and did so immediately. “Jaehwan!” Taekwoon called. “Bring me Hakyeon’s painkillers, would you?” There were sounds of stumbling, and then Jaehwan came tumbling out into the living room to shove the little bottle into Taekwoon’s hands. The beta’s eyes were wide and shocked, and he was wringing his hands worriedly. Hongbin and Wonshik followed him out, both adopting similar expressions when they saw Hakyeon stretched out on the couch, whimpering and clearly in pain.

“Hyung, what’s wrong with him?” Wonshik asked. Taekwoon shook his head helplessly as he coaxed Hakyeon into swallowing painkillers and water. “What should we do?” Wonshik tried again. Taekwoon shook his head again, not sure, and then froze when Hakyeon fumbled for his pocket.

“Hakyeon?” he asked. Hakyeon pulled out his wallet with trembling fingers and thrust it in Taekwoon’s direction. The alpha took it, confused. “What is it, Hakyeon?” he asked. The leader gestured to the wallet. Taekwoon opened it and sifted through the bills and cards, looking for what Hakyeon might want. He paused when he found a folded piece of paper mixed in with the paper money. He pulled it out, and then gasped quietly. He pulled out his phone and quickly dialled the first number on the paper.

“Hyung?” Jaehwan asked. Taekwoon shook his head. He bit his lip impatiently and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was only just eight o’ clock, surely he would still be up? He was getting desperate when finally, the line picked up.

“Hello, Dr. Park?” Taekwoon asked quickly. The man on the other end of the line sounded impatient when he confirmed his name. “I’m sorry for calling you this late. Something is wrong with my friend and he had your number in his wallet.” Taekwoon paused. The doctor asked for his friend’s name. “Cha Hakyeon,” he answered quickly. Taekwoon heard a quick intake of breath and then rustling, and the doctor asked for an address and told him he would be there in twenty minutes, and then he hung up. Taekwoon stared at his phone, baffled, and then looked to Hakyeon. “Just what is going on here, Hakyeon?” he asked. Hakyeon glanced at him once and then looked away, biting his lip, his brow furrowed and pale. Taekwoon threw up his hands and stood.

“Whatever. Hongbin, you sit with him, make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid like try to go out for late night cosmetics again. I’m going to finish dinner.” The four younger members stared after Taekwoon as he strode into the kitchen, surprised at the outburst from the usually stoic alpha. They glanced at each other, and then Hongbin sat down with Hakyeon, and the other three quietly dispersed to their rooms. Ten minutes later, Taekwoon called everyone to the living room to eat, and another ten minutes after that there was a knock at the door.

Taekwoon seemed to have been waiting, and he stood immediately to rush over and let the doctor in. He followed him back into the living room where the older beta bowed politely to the rest of the members and then moved on immediately to Hakyeon. The leader smiled weakly at the doctor, still grimacing in pain.

“Hello, Dr. Park,” he murmured. Dr. Park glared at him and set to work examining him.

“What did I tell you, Hakyeon?” he asked quietly as he took Hakyeon’s temperature and blood pressure. Hakyeon smiled.

“You told me to take some time to myself and live as a wolf for a while. I haven’t been able to do that,” he responded. The doctor glared harder.

“I told you to do more than that, young man,” he said sharply. Hakyeon smiled sadly.

“I know. I haven’t been able to do that, either,” he said quietly,

“Hyung, if you needed a break you should have told someone,” Jaehwan said quietly from the edge of the room. Hakyeon smiled at him.

“We’re too busy right now, Jaehwannie,” he said. “How could I take a break when none of you can?” Taekwoon glowered.

“It’s different and you know it, Hakyeon,” he said quietly. “You’re not well. You’re allowed to rest and get better.” Hakyeon shook his head.

“It seems you could have taken a rest, Hakyeon,” the doctor said gently. “I’’m assuming the situation hasn’t changed. Boys, make sure he gets rest. Take him out of the city, let him run.” He directed this at all five younger members even as Hakyeon protested. Taekwoon nodded firmly when the doctor looked at him. Hakyeon struggled to sit up, wincing the whole way.

“No, I can’t take a break right now,” he said. “There’s too much to do, and it’s my responsibility. You got me on my feet again before, Dr. Park, you can do it again, please - ” He cut himself off when the doctor shook his head.

“I told you, Hakyeon, your body is giving up. You can’t keep going like this. Painkillers and physical therapy aren’t going to cut it this time, you need actual rest, and you need to let your body heal itself. And you know exactly how to do that, and it is not by staying here and pushing yourself to the point of collapse!” he exclaimed. Hakyeon glared.

“Hyung?” Hongbin whispered. “You told us you were fine.” Hakyeon felt his heart break at the worried looks on his band members’ faces.

“I am fine, Hongbin,” he said. “If it will make you all feel better, I’ll take a break and rest. But I’m fine, don’t worry about me, alright?” Hongbin looked skeptical but nodded slowly. Dr. Park sighed heavily.

“There’s nothing more I can do tonight,” he said. “Tomorrow morning, come to the hospital. I have some medicine there that I’ll prescribe to you so you can at least move on your own. But after that, you go away from the city and you rest, do you understand?” Hakyeon nodded, contrite. Dr. Park glared at him for a moment, and then sighed and turned away. Taekwoon turned to walk him out.

“I’ll make sure he gets to the hospital, Doctor,” he said quietly. “And I’ll get as a long of a break as I can.” The doctor nodded and left the apartment. Taekwoon strode back into the living room and glared at the leader. Hakyeon glared back.

“Don’t give me that look, Taekwoon, I’m perfectly fine. And you know as well as I do that there has been no time to take a break - there still isn’t, so when you go to the company tomorrow, and I know you will, don’t ask for longer than a week. We have too much work to do,  _ I  _ have too much work to do, and I can’t take a break for longer than that.” Hakyeon forced as much authority into his voice as he could, but he could feel the strain, something deep inside of him wanting to stop, listen to the doctor, let his bandmates take care of him.

But he couldn’t. He had chosen this life, and he would stand by his choice.

Taekwoon rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fine. I’ll only ask for a week, starting from the day this vacation ends.” Hakyeon tried to protest and Taekwoon glared once more and continued over him, alpha pheromones leaking into the room. He stepped forward and leaned over Hakyeon, who shrank back into the couch. “I don’t care what your rank is in this band or this pseudo-pack that we have. You are not taking care of yourself, and we need you. So if you insist on self-destruction, then I will take care of you for you. The doctor said you need rest and to be away from the world, to be a wolf for a while. So that’s what we are going to do. I will get the extra week of vacation, and we’ll go to the mountains. It’ll be good for all of us to get away for a while.”

Taekwoon straightened up again, going quiet as soon as he had said his piece, and began walking to the bedroom he shared with Hakyeon and Jaehwan. As he went he nudged Jaehwan. “Get him into bed.” Jaehwan nodded and walked over to the couch. He helped Hakyeon up, gathered his bag of purchases, and helped him to the bathroom.

“Take a shower and brush your teeth, hyung, I’ll bring you a change of clothes,” he said quietly. Hakyeon nodded and smiled. He leaned on the sink shakily to take his clothes off and turn on the shower. He stepped in and began slowly washing himself. He staggered slightly as he felt the fake scent wash away, his own natural scent filling the room. For the first time in years he stopped and allowed himself to really take it in. He let out a shaky breath when he realized that it was muted. He knew, vaguely, what his scent was - it was sweet, gentle, like flowers in the spring. But now it was faded, and slightly cloying, like flowers at the end of summer. Hakyeon felt tears spilling over onto his cheeks, and he sank to the ground, curling up and hugging himself. The doctor was right. He was damaging himself.

Hakyeon had never let himself think about anything other than chasing his dreams. When he had come to Jellyfish, and debuted with VIXX, he had let the other boys in and began to care for them, but still had not allowed himself to really consider himself. He had never formed the kind of attachment to his wolf that he knew the others all had. They frequently found time to run in the woods, to play in their other forms. Hakyeon never went with them. He had ignored his wolf for the past thirteen years, pressed it down and pretended to be something else, and he had felt how wrong it was the whole time but never allowed himself to care, because at least he was dancing, right? And no one was telling him not to.

But now, he was being forced to think about it, to feel it. His body was giving out on him as his wolf faded more and more, and it  _ hurt _ . His body hurt, his back constantly streaked with fiery pain, and his head hurt, throbbing almost all the time. His feet ached, and he could feel another ache, deep inside of him where his wolf should be. Where he  _ remembered  _ it being, long ago when he was a child and still ran with his pack and his family. And now there was only a pale ghost sleeping there where a vibrant wolf should be playing.

“Hyung?” he heard a quiet voice accompanied by a knock on the door. It was Wonshik. “Are you alright?” he asked. Hakyeon sniffed and shook himself. He pulled himself up and reached out for his soap.

“Yeah, Wonshik, I’m fine,” he called back. He opened the bottle of soap and poured some into his hand. He winced at the smell of alpha that filled the shower, strong and overpowering so that it would sink into his skin and linger. He took a deep breath, scoffing at himself for finding such a simple, everyday task so difficult. He slowly began scrubbing the scent over his skin, and he swore he could feel it stinging his skin and burning into his pores.

When he had finished, he climbed out of the shower and reached for a towel, smiling at the pile of folded clothes on the toilet. He reached out and pulled them on and then shuffled out of the room. He reached the living room with his eyes down, trailing a hand on the wall for support. He startled when gentle hands took his shoulders, and looked up to see Sanghyuk smiling down at him.

“Come on, hyung, let’s get you to bed,” the youngest said. He helped Hakyeon into his room and helped him sit down in his bed.

“Thanks, Hyukkie,” Hakyeon murmured. “Sorry I’m worrying you guys so much.” He glanced once at Taekwoon, already a silent lump in the blankets next to him.

“We worry about you anyway, hyung. It’s because we love you,” Jaehwan said from the doorway. Hakyeon smiled weakly. “Get some sleep, hyung,” the singer said quietly before he beckoned Sanghyuk from the room. Hakyeon sighed and stretched out, sliding under his blanket. He winced a little as he settled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. The room was dark and quiet, Taekwoon’s slow breathing the only sound. Hakyeon stared into the dark, thinking.

He knew that Taekwoon would manage to get a week of extra vacation time. And he knew that once the CEO knew what was happening, he would probably offer extra time. Partially out of the goodness of his heart, but also because it was in the company’s best interest to make sure Hakyeon got better quickly. And he also knew that Taekwoon would immediately book time in the little cabin they sometimes used for just this purpose, and once there he would have little choice but to shift. And then they would know.

Hakyeon shuddered. He loved his band mates very much, and he knew they loved him, but he had never met an alpha or a beta who he thought would be alright after finding out that the person who had been leading them for years was really an omega. That wasn’t an omega’s place. And even if he had led them well, even if they thought now that he was a good leader, that might not stay true if they knew what he really was. He sighed quietly. He was playing with fire, resisting the change and his nature for so long. But he couldn’t help but be more scared of the fire that would come if he stopped suppressing it - and not just the fire of his band mates’ anger.

He reached carefully for his wolf again, biting his lip and wincing when he couldn’t find it. If this was how it felt when he didn’t even want to draw the wolf out, what would happen when he tried to shift? He was scared of the pain, scared of the possibility of it not working. What if his wolf was gone? What if he had waited too long, pushed it too far away? What if he had broken himself in half?

And last, Hakyeon was terrified that people would find out, and then he would be told that it was time for him to leave VIXX. That he would no longer be allowed to dance. He felt his eyes prick at that - because as much as it hurt, as scared as he was that he had destroyed himself, it all went away when he danced. When he was on stage, with lights in his eyes and sweat on his temples and makeup on his face; when his feet pounded from the force with which he pushed them against the floor, and his legs burned as they carried him weightlessly through space - nothing could hurt him there. And he knew he would never be able to give that up. It was terrible, and terrifying, but Hakyeon knew that he would rather push himself until his body gave out and his heart stopped than give up dancing and performing.

He felt the tears spill over and roll down his cheeks, and he closed his eyes tightly and imagined he was on stage, in the quiet moment before the curtains go up, when it’s dark and hushed and his body is tensed in preparation to move. He drifted off to sleep, and dreamed of music all around him, weaving around his limbs like ribbons and pulling him into the sky, contorting him into a wild dance through the clouds.


	5. Chapter Five

He woke to the smell of breakfast from the kitchen and Hongbin’s smiling face leaning over him. “Time for breakfast, hyung, and then it’s time to go,” the beta said quietly. Hakyeon sat up groggily.

“Time to go?” he asked. Hongbin nodded.

“We’ve been given two weeks off - and before you argue, Taekwoon hyung asked for one week and the CEO asked why, and when he heard he gave us two weeks.” Hakyeon sighed and nodded. “Taekwoon hyung just got off the phone with the place that rents out that cabin. We’re going to take you to the hospital first, and then go straight there.” Hongbin was smiling still and Hakyeon nodded, still dazed and tired. He pushed himself to his feet and allowed Hongbin to lead him to the bathroom.

“Let me pack my bag, then I’ll eat,” Hakyeon murmured. Hongbin shook his head.

“We already packed for you, hyung,” he said. Hakyeon raised an eyebrow.

“Well let me check my bag, then, before I eat,” he said wryly. Hongbin grinned. Hakyeon shook his head, and then brushed his teeth and washed his face. He left the bathroom and walked slowly over to the door where the bags were, found his, and began sifting through it. He smiled at the selection of clothes, easily deciphering who had picked what, and then pushed himself up to go gather a few more things. He grabbed his toiletries, and packed his medicine and his soap into the bag with them, and then he grabbed a few more shirts and a couple of pairs of sweatpants. He walked back out to the living room and stuffed them all into the suitcase, and then straightened up and shuffled back into his room to get dressed.

When Hakyeon walked into the living room, feeling slightly more steady, he was greeted with Taekwoon in the kitchen sliding food onto a plate, and the rest sprawled on the couch on their phones and talking over each other. Taekwoon looked up and strode over to Hakyeon as soon as he saw him. He thrust the plate and chopsticks into Hakyeon’s hands, and then walked over to the couch and poked at Sanghyuk and Wonshik until they moved and made a space for the leader. Hakyeon smiled and walked over to sit down. He began to eat, slowly, moving his food around his plate more than actually consuming it. He wasn’t very hungry, and his stomach didn’t feel very good either. He became very aware of Taekwoon standing over him, arms crossed and brow furrowed. He looked up at him, questioning, and Taekwoon nodded pointedly at the plate in his hands. Hakyeon winced.

“It’s delicious, Taekwoonie, but I’m really not very hungry,” he said quietly. Taekwoon sighed.

“You need to eat, Hakyeon,” he said firmly. “I talked to the doctor this morning and he said you needed a full meal before the hospital. And you haven’t been eating well the last couple of weeks anyway, a full meal will do you good.” Hakyeon scowled and forced himself to eat a few more bites. He managed to eat about half of what was on the plate before he looked up at Taekwoon pleadingly. Taekwoon nodded, his face concerned, and took Hakyeon’s plate from him.

“Guys, get ready to go, ok?” Hakyeon murmured. The four younger band members looked up at him and nodded. They all got up and dispersed to double check that they had everything. Hakyeon rubbed his hands over his face and pushed himself off the couch. He gathered his things and slipped into his shoes, and made to leave the apartment with his luggage in hand. Just as he opened the door, he felt his bag leave his hand. He looked up, ready to protest, and huffed when he saw Taekwoon’s glower.

“Go sit in the car, Hakyeon, I don’t want to risk you falling again,” he said gently. Hakyeon nodded and went out to the car slowly. In the back of his mind, he knew that this wasn’t alpha behaviour, and if he kept this up he would just give away his secret by accident. He chose to ignore that.

By the time the whole band was in the car, Jaehwan at the wheel, and on the way to the hospital, Hakyeon had fallen asleep in the passenger seat. Taekwoon was sitting behind Jaehwan, and he kept his eyes on Hakyeon the whole way. “Do you think he’ll be alright, hyung?” Wonshik asked quietly. Taekwoon glanced at him quickly and shrugged.

“I don’t know,” he murmured. “The doctor didn’t look happy, and I have no idea what’s wrong with him.” He could feel each member shrink away from the idea that Hakyeon wouldn’t get better, refusing to believe that something could be so very wrong with him that he wouldn’t be able to bounce back from it. He wracked his brain for something else to say, something to reassure them, comfort them - but that had always been Hakyeon’s forte. He had a way of making things better, and Taekwoon had never quite grasped how to do that. He sighed. “The doctor will do everything he can, and so will we. Hakyeon is strong, he’ll fight. It’ll be ok,” he said finally.  _ It has to be ok _ , he thought. He glanced at Hakyeon’s profile, delicate and pallid in the morning light.  _ It has to be ok. _

They arrived at the hospital and Taekwoon gently shook Hakyeon awake. He helped him out of the car and walked him slowly inside after telling the rest of the members to park and then come find them. They got inside and were directed to Dr. Park’s office. A nurse met them and took Hakyeon to take his vitals. Finally, they were sitting quietly in the office, Hakyeon staring at his hands and Taekwoon glaring at the floor. After several long moments Hakyeon turned earnestly to Taekwoon.

“Taekwoon, would you mind leaving when the doctor arrives? I’d rather talk to him alone,” he said hesitantly. Taekwoon looked at him carefully for a moment and then nodded.

“Alright,” he said. “But I want to talk to him afterwards, to make sure I know how to take care of you.” Hakyeon grimaced lightly, but nodded. Just then, the door opened and Dr. Park walked in, smiling gently at the two of them. Taekwoon stood and bowed before taking his leave, and the doctor sat down heavily, the smile falling from his face. Hakyeon winced.

“That bad?” he asked quietly. Dr. Park sighed.

“You haven’t shifted since I saw you last, have you?” he asked. Hakyeon shook his head. “And you haven’t stopped taking the suppressants or using the soap?” Hakyeon shook his head again. Dr. Park took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Hakyeon, you’re killing yourself,” he said quietly. Hakyeon flinched. “I’m sorry to be so blunt, but there’s no other way to put it. As far as I can tell, your wolf is fading away, and without it, you won’t live long.” Hakyeon squeezed his hands together.

“But - wouldn’t I just lose my wolf? I could heal, be just a man, right?” he asked. The doctor shook his head.

“No. The wolf is part of you, Hakyeon. Just like you can’t survive without a heart or lungs or a liver, you can’t survive without your wolf.” Hakyeon opened his mouth to argue, and Dr. Park held up a hand. “Did you learn about the Wolf Epidemics in school, Hakyeon?” he asked. Hakyeon nodded.

The Wolf Epidemics had lasted for seventeen years. They were a period when wolves ran wild, feral, attacking and turning huge numbers of humans. They only ended due to extreme government intervention, and humans still had a certain distrust for wolves because of them.

“One thing you might not have learned - the governments of the world tried to reverse the transformations. They devised a drug that would stop someone from shifting, from going into heat, from ever experiencing any of their wolf traits while in human form, and held people captive to test it. The drug destroyed the wolves, and all of the test subjects died. So no, Hakyeon. You’re wolf fading away would not just leave you a human man. You are a wolf, and you will always be one.” Hakyeon nodded. The doctor took a breath and then continued. “And you are an omega, and you will always be one,” he said. Hakyeon flinched.

“I can’t be an omega. I don’t have that liberty,” he whispered. The doctor shook his head.

“You don’t have a choice,” he said. “Your wolf is fading away because you have never allowed it to live, to be itself. At this rate, you have a little over a year before your wolf is gone completely. After that - well, the longest anyone on record has ever survived without their wolf was two months. They were confined to bedrest, and could barely eat.” Hakyeon was horrified. “You have to let your body repair itself, Hakyeon, or you won’t live to be thirty.”

Hakyeon sat across from the doctor quietly, staring at his hands with tears pricking his eyes. He shook his head. “You don’t understand,” he whispered. “I  _ can’t _ . If I tell anyone, I’ll be kicked out of the band, out of Jellyfish. There’s no way it wouldn’t be leaked to the media, and no one would ever sign me again. I  _ have  _ to dance. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, you can’t make me stop.” The tears were rolling down his cheeks now, and his hands were pale from how hard he was gripping them together. “And anyway,” he choked, “they would all hate me and I’d rather die before they ever find out than see their faces when they realize I’ve been lying.”   
  
“You don’t mean that, Hakyeon,” the doctor said, his voice sad. Hakyeon scoffed.

“Have you ever heard of a beta or an alpha who was alright with being led by an omega? And that’s not even factoring in the part about me lying to them for years. I tell them to be totally honest with me, share everything, so that I can help them if I need to, and here I’ve been hiding the biggest secret of all.” Hakyeon’s voice was bitter, scathing, and he was rubbing his hands up and down his arms. “I can’t tell them. They’ll hate me, and I wouldn’t be able to take that.” Dr. Park sighed.

“Hakyeon, you will  _ die _ if you keep this up,” he murmured. “I know that it will be hard to tell people, but you can’t actually mean that you would rather die. I’m sure you don’t want that.” Hakyeon looked up at him, his cheeks tear-stained and his eyes red.

“Of course I don’t want to die!” he exclaimed. “I want to live a long life, and watch my members grow up and find mates and start families. I want to see VIXX become really successful. I want them to be happy, and not worry about me - of course I don’t want to die.” He stopped, shuddering with sobs.

“Hakyeon - none of that was for yourself. You don’t want a family? A mate?” the doctor asked gently. Hakyeon shook his head.

“I gave that up years ago,” he said. “Even more now. I’m broken, and nobody wants a broken omega.” Dr. Park looked stricken.

“Hakyeon, you’re not - ”

“Yes, I am. Last night when I took a shower, I let myself stop to really smell my own scent. My  _ real  _ one. I remember, when I was younger, it was clean. Like flowers when they’ve just started blooming in spring. Now it’s like flowers at the end of summer, when the heat has gotten to them and they’ve fallen to the ground to rot,” Hakyeon murmured. “I can’t find my wolf anymore. It’s faded away so much I can’t sense it, and it hurts when I try to find it. Even if I stopped the suppressants and the soap now and went into heat right away, I doubt I would ever be a completely healthy omega. And I’m advertised as an alpha, anyway. Strong, alpha leader N. No real alpha would want me now.”

“I find that very hard to believe, Hakyeon. And there’s no guarantee that you wouldn’t heal completely. You’ll never be the same as you would have been had you let yourself develop naturally. But that doesn’t make you broken,” Dr. Park said gently. His eyes were sad, his face drawn. Hakyeon sniffed and looked away, blinking fast.

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” he said. “I’m not going to stop. I can’t. At least now I know what’s happening. And I have time to organize things. Figure out how VIXX can continue without me. And I still have time to dance - who knows, maybe I’ll even prove you wrong and survive.”

“Hakyeon, you can’t do this - ” Dr. Park started, desperately.

“It’s my decision, doctor,” Hakyeon said gently, a watery smile on his face.

“You’re going to let yourself die. You’re going to put yourself through the pain of your body giving out? It won’t be an easy death, Hakyeon. And what about your band members? You’re going to put those boys through the pain of watching you die, and then losing you as well. There’s no coming back from this, Hakyeon!” Hakyeon nodded.

“I know,” Hakyeon said. “You don’t understand, doctor. I started dancing when I was four. When I was six, I knew it was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. My parents always talked about their alpha son, their alpha dancer. They were so proud of me, and I knew they would never let me do what I wanted to do if I turned out to be an omega. But I  _ had _ to dance. It’s the one thing that I’ve always been good at, the one thing that always makes me happy. I won’t give it up, not for anyone.” Hakyeon’s face was deceptively serene - calm and decided, while his hands clutched at each other in his lap, his nails digging into his skin and his bones tensed. Dr. Park sighed and shook his head.

“You’re right, it  _ is _ your decision. But I urge you, Hakyeon, rethink this. I know that it’s scary, and risky, but I’ve seen the way those boys look at you. At least just tell them, and let them help you, because I know they will.” The doctor looked moments away from kneeling, desperately trying convince Hakyeon to save his own life. Hakyeon smiled sadly and shook his head. He murmured an apology and ducked his head down. The doctor sighed again. “Well, I suppose that’s all,” he said. “I’ll get you the medication I promised to help you get up to the mountains, at least. I wish you the best of luck, Hakyeon.” His voice was low and defeated, and Hakyeon didn’t meet his eyes as he stood.

“Thank you for everything, doctor,” he said. “Truly. I’m sorry I’m not brave enough to let you help me.” The doctor laid a gentle hand on Hakyeon’s shoulder and then left the room. Hakyeon’s breath hitched and he forced back a sob as his shoulders slumped. He was scared, terrified, and he didn’t know what to do, and he had to go out there and pretend nothing was wrong to the people who knew him the best in all the world.

“Hyung?” Hakyeon looked up quickly at Jaehwan’s voice. The beta was standing in the doorway, his face worried. “Are you alright?” Hakyeon wiped his face hastily and smiled.

“Of course I am, Jaehwannie,” he said.

“Then why were you crying?” the younger man asked.

“I was just relieved that nothing was very wrong. All I need is some rest and good sleep,” Hakyeon said. His heart hurt at the terrible lie he was telling his friend, but he convinced himself that the small smile that slid onto Jaehwan’s face was worth it. “Now come on, help me to the pharmacy to pick up my medicine, and then to the car, alright?” Jaehwan came over and steadied Hakyeon as he stood. They walked slowly out of the room and down the hall, and Jaehwan made Hakyeon sit down while he went to pick up the medicine.

 

Taekwoon was sitting quietly in the waiting room, worried and impatient but not able to do anything. He looked up when he heard footsteps and stood when he saw Dr. Park striding over to him. He bowed politely. “Is he going to be alright, doctor?” he asked without preamble. Dr. Park looked at him seriously.

“No,” he said. “Not if he keeps going the way he is now. I can’t tell you exactly what’s going on, he would have to give me permission. All I can tell you is how to take care of him.” Taekwoon nodded. “He  _ has  _ to shift, Taekwoon. It will take a while because he hasn’t shifted in so long, but you have to make sure it happens, soon.”

“How can we help him do that? If it’s going to be difficult for him.” Taekwoon asked.

“It will help if you all shift often. Our wolf sides are different - they feel different. If he’s surrounded by other wolves, his wolf will start to wake up more.” Taekwoon nodded again. “I also printed out some techniques that are used when children have difficulty switching between forms. Look through them and try some of them out with him. Make sure he’s really trying, though, or they won’t do anything.” He handed Taekwoon a packet of paper. “That’s all I can do. Taekwoon, he doesn’t want to try to get better. He has his reasons, and they are valid, but I don’t think he’s entirely right about all of them. He’s letting his body fall apart. You have to help him, but most of all you have to stay with him. Don’t leave him.” Taekwoon looked shocked.

“Of course I won’t leave him,” he murmured. “None of us will. We wouldn’t be able to, he’s the one who keeps us together.” The doctor smiled.

“Make sure he knows that. Good luck, Taekwoon, and if you need any help please call me.” Taekwoon nodded and bowed again as the doctor left. He stared down at the papers in his hands. He thought of Hakyeon, and his insistence that he was fine, and how he had been so tired lately, pale and skinny. He sighed and dragged a hand through his hair and then went to gather the rest of the members. They all piled back into the car, and finally set off for the mountains.

 

“Do you need some medicine now, hyung?” Jaehwan asked. Hakyeon smiled at him and shook his head.

“I’m fine for now, Jaehwannie, but thanks,” he murmured. Taekwoon watched as the older man leaned his head back and closed his eyes again, drifting off again.

“What did the doctor say, hyung?” Wonshik asked quietly a while later when he was sure that Hakyeon was asleep. Taekwoon was quiet for a moment, deliberating over what to tell them. He knew that Hakyeon wanted them all to believe that he was fine, and after a couple of weeks of rest he would be back on his feet and back to normal. And he knew that that was absolutely not true. He sighed and shook his head.

“He said we have to get him to shift.” That was safe. “I guess he hasn’t for a really long time. The doctor didn’t tell me how long, but I think it’s safe to say it’s been years. It’ll be hard for him because of that, but we have to get him to do it. The doctor said if we all shifted a lot and spent a lot of time around him as wolves, that might help his wolf wake up more. I have some exercises that they use when kids have trouble shifting, as well.” The car was quiet for a moment.

“But - ” Hongbin started, quietly. Taekwoon turned his head to look back at him. “Why hasn’t he shifted in so long?” He looked confused, and upset, and beside him Sanghyuk had a similar expression. “He always told us that he found time for it, that he shifted regularly. Why was he lying? And how did he manage without shifting regularly for so long?” Taekwoon shrugged.

“I don’t know. All I know is that getting him to shift will help him get better,” he murmured.

“Then we get him to shift,” Jaehwan said decisively from the driver’s seat. Taekwoon nodded. He looked at Hakyeon’s profile again.

“We get him to shift,” he repeated.

When they arrived at the cabin, Taekwoon directed the four younger members to carry their bags and food inside, and he carefully picked Hakyeon up and carried him into the cabin and laid him on the couch. “Let him sleep,” he said quietly to the rest. They nodded and quietly went about unpacking and settling in. It was mid-afternoon when they arrived, and by the time Hakyeon woke up it was early evening and Taekwoon was making dinner while Jaehwan, Wonshik, Hongbin and Sanghyuk ran and played in the woods around the cabin.

Hakyeon pushed himself up to a sitting position and looked around blearily. He dragged himself off the couch and went to the window, smiling at the excited yips he could hear from the woods. He shuffled into the kitchen.

“Taekwoonie?” he asked quietly. Taekwoon looked up from the stove and nodded to the table.

“Dinner’s almost ready, sit down.” Hakyeon nodded and sank down at the table.

“How long have I been asleep?” he asked sleepily.

“A few hours. I didn’t want to wake you, you need the rest,” Taekwoon said. “Are you feeling alright?” Hakyeon smiled.

“I’m fine, Woonie, I promise,” he said. Taekwoon pursed his lips. He was still for a moment, and then he turned off the stove and sat down across the table from Hakyeon.

“Hakyeon, I talked to Dr. Park after you went to get your prescription.” Hakyeon sat up straight, his face unreadable.

“What about?” he asked quietly. Taekwoon glared at him.

“About you, of course. He didn’t tell me what’s actually happening to you, so don’t worry. The secret you’re hellbent on keeping is safe. But he did tell me that you’re not ok.” Hakyeon, who had relaxed, tensed up again. “Hakyeonnie, what’s going on?” Taekwoon asked quietly. Hakyeon shook his head.

“Nothing, Woonie. I’m fine. I just need rest,” he said. His voice was shaky and quiet, and he wouldn’t meet Taekwoon’s eyes.

“Hakyeon - ” Taekwoon started. He cut himself off and took a deep breath. “I asked him if you would be alright, and he said no. He said you were letting your body fall apart, that you didn’t want to try to get better.” Hakyeon felt tears pricking at his eyes and squeezed them shut and clenched his hands together in his lap. “Hakyeon, please tell me what’s going on,” Taekwoon pleaded. Hakyeon took in a shuddering breath and forced a smile onto his face.

“Nothing, Taekwoon. I’m not ok right now, that’s true, but I will be. I just need to rest. This will be good for me, and in two weeks when we get back, I’ll be much better,” he said. He looked up finally and met Taekwoon’s eyes. He forced himself not to look away as he continued. “I’ll be fine, Woonie, don’t worry about me.” Taekwoon stared at him for a moment.

“You don’t understand, Hakyeon. The doctor told me that you didn’t  _ want _ to get better. He said that in order to help you, we had to get you to shift, no matter what.” Hakyeon’s shoulders were tense and his knuckles were white from how hard he was squeezing his hands together. “You’re not fine. And we are worried about you, of course we are! How could you even think we wouldn’t be?!” Taekwoon’s voice rose, his normally soft tone becoming stern and harsh. Hakyeon flinched.

“Stop, Taekwoon,” he whispered. “Stop. Nothing is wrong. The doctor is worried because I don’t shift enough, but I have reasons for that. I’ll be fine, now please just drop it.” He winced at how weak his words sounded. Out of habit he had managed to make them seem at least mostly authoritative and strong, but there was something wavery about the command, something that didn’t ring true, he could sense it. Coupled with his hunched shoulders and his panicked face, he didn’t seem at all like the alpha he was supposed to be, and he was hoping against hope that it could just be brushed off as fatigue from being sick.

Taekwoon sighed roughly and sat back in his chair. He stared at Hakyeon for a long moment, irritated and concerned that the older man wouldn’t tell him what was wrong. He took in the defeated posture and the wide eyes with dark shadows under them, the skin that had lost its normal tan glow. He shook his head and stood quietly, turning back to the stove.

“Hakyeon, I can’t force you to tell me what’s going on. We’re not really a pack, but you’re the alpha,” he said. Hakyeon felt a shudder run up his spine at the word and winced. He wasn’t the alpha, not at all, and every day the title felt more and more wrong on his tongue and in his ears, and he hated it. Taekwoon had his back turned and didn’t see the flash of pain across his face. Hakyeon schooled his face into indifference again and stared at Taekwoon’s back as he continued. “But I also can’t let you destroy yourself. We need you, and we love you too much for that.” His voice was quiet, carrying through the kitchen over the sound of the stove. “I know that something is very, very wrong. And even if you are alpha, and this isn’t really my place, I’m going to help you.”

He turned off the stove again and took the food off the heat, and then waved at Hakyeon to sit back down when the older man moved to get plates. Hakyeon sank back into his seat. He bit his lip and stayed quiet. Taekwoon set the table around him and served dinner. He paused next to Hakyeon and put a hand on his shoulder. “Please let me help you, Hakyeonnie,” he whispered. Hakyeon’s breath hitched, and Taekwoon’s fingers tightened on his shoulder, and then the moment passed and the broad shouldered alpha strode to the front door to call the younger members in for dinner.

That night was quiet. They had dinner and then dispersed, all of them tired from the stress of the last couple of days and the long drive. Hakyeon climbed into bed, tired from the pain his body was in and the strain of hiding it, hiding himself. He shut his eyes, fighting against a rush of tears in the dark room. He bit his lip, conscious of Taekwoon in the bed next to him on one side, Hongbin on his other side, and Wonshik, Jaehwan and Sanghyuk beyond them. The cabin was small so they always piled into one room. He could tell Wonshik was asleep, his snores already filling the room, but he knew that Taekwoon would be lying awake, looking for any sign that Hakyeon wasn’t as alright as he claimed.

He squeezed his eyes shut and forced his muscles to relax. Slowly, he felt himself beginning to doze, his mind drifting to the hazy space of half-sleep. For a moment, he dreamed he could see his wolf playing in the woods with the others. He recognized Taekwoon, bigger than the rest of them, black and imposing, but soft as well. There was Sanghyuk, his tan fur bright in the faded sunlight of the dream, still gangly and clumsy, almost as big as Taekwoon and not sure of what to do with all of his limbs. He was chasing after Wonshik, deep brown with flecks of tawny gold. Hongbin, sleek and grey, was nipping at Taekwoon’s heels and bounding away when the big wolf rounded on him. Taekwoon rolled his eyes and let him continue. Jaewhan joined in Sanghyuk’s chase, his slim, pale form winding between him and Wonshik and tripping them both up. And Hakyeon saw, at the edge of the clearing, himself curled by a tree, watching them and laughing. Happy. Himself. He was small, his fur a rusty red brown colour. He felt tears roll down his face, distantly, as he realised that he was looking at a young wolf, as he was the last time he shifted. He didn’t know what he looked like now, and he never would.

As he fell deeper into the dream, the play continued. He watched fondly as his members (they  _ were _ his pack, in his heart if not in reality) continued to run and chase each other, Hongbin finally tackling Taekwoon to the ground. The big wolf good naturedly snapped at him, and then proceeded to gently wrestle and play with him. Hakyeon could see him keeping an eye on the other three as well, and he felt warmth all through him at it. And then the dream shifted. A screen seemed to fall between him and the rest of them. They grew hazy, undefined. Their happy barks and playful growls became muffled, as though he was hearing them through water. Dream-Hakyeon stood quickly, and then stumbled, pain shooting through his legs. The small wolf collapsed to the ground, too weak to run to his members and stop them from leaving him. He cried out, weak whimpers all that left his lips, and tried to pull himself towards them.

He struggled for what felt like an age, and then the clearing went dark and the sounds of happy play faded away. Hakyeon cried and strained. He could feel his paws being cut open by rocks on the ground that he couldn’t see, his belly was scratched and aching from dragging against them, and pain shot through his back with every movement. He was trapped in the nightmare, surrounded by darkness, the only sound his own whimpers and far off murmuring voices. As he struggled, the voices got louder, clearer, closer, and then suddenly one was right next to his ear, soft but urgent, and a hand was on his shoulder - on his  _ human _ shoulder, and he knew that hand, that hand was familiar - 

“Hakyeon!” Taekwoon said sharply, and Hakyeon gasped and grabbed at the other man’s arm with both hands. He tried to sit up and cried out as his back screamed in pain. He could feel tears in his eyes and on his cheeks and his neck, and in the corner of his eye he saw Jaehwan, Wonshik, Hongbin and Sanghyuk standing together, their faces pale and worried. And then Taekwoon filled his vision, all dark eyes and broad shoulders, and Hakyeon latched onto him, his hands sliding up to wrap around his neck and cling. He was sobbing uncontrollably, and slowly the sobs formed words that he blubbered into Taekwoon’s neck.

“You were g-gone, a-all of you, you - y-you left me. I c-couldn’t move, it hurt, Woonie, it hurt - don’t le-leave me, p-please, please - ” Taekwoon cut him off with a finger over his lips. He wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer, one hand stroking up and down Hakyeon’s back.

“Shh, Hakyeon, we’re not leaving you,” he murmured. “We’re right here, we’re not going anywhere. It’s alright, it was just a dream.” Hakyeon’s breathing was still rough and uneven, tears were still falling from his eyes, and he pushed his face into the crook of Taekwoon’s neck desperately. He felt other hands on him, stroking his back and arms, and more voices murmuring that no one was leaving. And his heart hurt more, because he knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if they knew what he was, they would leave. Because who was he to ask them to stay, when he couldn’t even tell them the truth about himself?


	6. Chapter Six

The next morning, Hakyeon woke up with puffy eyes to the smell of breakfast. He could hear the others laughing and talking quietly in the kitchen and cutlery clinking against plates. He pushed himself up and rubbed at his eyes. He grimaced at the memory of the night before, sobbing into Taekwoon’s shoulder and eventually falling asleep in his arms. He got out of bed and moved slowly around the room to collect clothes for the day (sweatpants and a t-shirt - if he didn’t have to be on camera, he would be comfortable). He changed and washed his face and brushed his teeth, and then walked out to the kitchen.

“Good morning, hyung!” Sanghyuk said cheerfully. Hakyeon smiled and ruffled his hair.

“Good morning, Hyukkie,” he said. “Sorry about last night, guys. I don’t remember the last time I had a nightmare that bad.” He smiled ruefully at them.

“Don’t apologize, Hakyeon hyung,” Jaehwan said. “We’re just glad you’re alright.” The others were nodding and Hakyeon glanced down and smiled weakly at his hands. Taekwoon slid a plate over to him and nodded to it.

“Sit down and eat, Hakyeon,” he murmured. Hakyeon nodded and sat.

“It smells delicious, Taekwoon,” he said. He began eating slowly, and the conversation picked back up around him. He listened happily as Sanghyuk and Jaehwan bickered back and forth over everything from who had more eggs on their plate to whose fur looked best in the sunlight. Wonshik and Hongbin cut in now and then to help or hinder one or the other of them. Taekwoon had a small smile on his face as he listened. Hakyeon laughed along quietly, enjoying himself, and then he remembered his dream and the light, playful atmosphere of the kitchen was suddenly too much to bear. He quickly ate a couple more bites and then quietly took his plate to the sink. He washed it and then smiled apologetically at the rest of them while leaving the room.

Hakyeon sighed and curled up on the porch swing. He took in a deep breath of fresh mountain air, and then closed his eyes. He stayed there for several long moments, feeling the sun on his face, and then grumbled when it was blocked. He opened his eyes and peered blearily up at Taekwoon, who had stepped in front of him. He glowered. Taekwoon met his eyes and glowered right back.

“We’re going for a walk,” he announced, and proceeded to pull Hakyeon up from the swing and drag him to the door, where a pair of sandals was waiting. Once Hakyeon had them on, Taekwoon set off briskly into the woods. Hakyeon stumbled along after him, confused and tired, and when they finally stopped in a clearing he collapsed to the ground panting. He raised an eyebrow at Taekwoon when the other man sat down on the ground in front of him.

“Why am I here?” he asked.

“The doctor said you need to shift,” Taekwoon said without preamble. Hakyeon stiffened.

“And I said no,” he said loudly. Taekwoon glared at him.

“I have said this before - I  _ will _ help you. I don’t care if you don’t want the help, I will not let you destroy yourself,” he said sharply. Hakyeon was taken aback by the ferocity of the statement, and so when Taekwoon pulled a sheaf of papers out of his pocket and glared at him, he only nodded. “The doctor said it would be hard for you, since you haven’t shifted in so long, so he gave me exercises to help. We’re going to try some of those today.” He thrust the papers at Hakyeon and then pulled off his shirt. “You read them, and then do them. I have to be a wolf for this.” Hakyeon looked down at the papers in his hand. The first page seemed simple, a breathing exercise. He read through the directions and then looked up again. Taekwoon was gone, in his place a big, beautiful black wolf and Hakyeon's breath hitched at the sight of him. He swallowed down the memory of his dream and then gestured Taekwoon to lie down behind him.

“I'm supposed to be touching you,” he said quietly. “So you lie down and I'll lean against you, ok?” Taekwoon nodded his big head and walked around behind the older man. He settled down quietly and then nudged Hakyeon back. Hakyeon settled against him and closed his eyes. He was quiet for a moment. Taekwoon was so warm, solid and real behind him. He could feel the big wolf's head resting on his own shoulder, breath hot against his neck. For a moment he wished he could just stay there, never leave, warm and quiet in the woods.

Taekwoon nudged him, pushing at his arm so he would bring the papers up. Hakyeon sighed and opened his eyes. “This one is a breathing exercise. I'm supposed to do the breathing techniques, and you're supposed to do them with me and also release pheromones. The breathing is just deep breaths, counts of seven.” Taekwoon nodded and settled down. Hakyeon closed his eyes and started breathing in, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, and then out. He felt Taekwoon join in, and then he began to smell and feel the pheromones in the air, spicy and warm and familiar. They breathed together slowly, and Hakyeon's attention narrowed into Taekwoon’s warmth at his back and the breath in his lungs.

He lost track of time. He knew they must have been sitting there for some time, but it felt like none at all. Eventually, he felt himself falling, down and down into the dark, until he landed in a meadow, hazy with early morning fog. He recognized it from his dream, and looked around frantically. There, at the edge, was a wolf. Small, rusty, curled up under a tree. Hakyeon gasped. It was him. He moved forward quietly, and as he got closer he became aware of a sharp pain in his chest. When he was halfway across the clearing, the wolf looked up at him and moved slowly to its feet. Hakyeon moved a few steps farther and then sank to his knees.

The wolf was small. It stood at about half the height of Taekwoon in his wolf form, and it was slender. It looked like a pup, really, more than a fully grown wolf. Hakyeon felt tears prick at his eyes at the sight of it, and they spilled over when it began taking shaky steps towards him. It was slow, and seemed to be in pain. Hakyeon reached a hand out to it and slowly stroked over its ears when it was close enough. He leaned his forehead against the wolf's, crying in earnest, and then scrambled back when he felt it try to move closer. He couldn't stay here, he had to leave, had to get out, get away, wake up - 

Hakyeon gasped as his eyes snapped open and he sat up straight. The sudden movement jolted Taekwoon up from his position and the big wolf growled, disgruntled. Hakyeon struggled to stand up and stumbled to the edge of the clearing, intent on getting back to the cabin. There were footsteps behind him and then a very human hand grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

“Hakyeon!” Taekwoon said sharply. “What happened?” Hakyeon shook his head, distraught.

“I can't do this, it hurts, it's wrong, I can't, don't make me,” he said, rushed and quiet and muffled. Taekwoon stared at him.

“What do you mean?” he asked quietly. “What happened?”

“I saw my wolf, and I can't do this anymore. I can't shift, I've beaten that out of myself, all on my own. And I don't want to try, it hurts, and I'm  _ fine _ , I promise, so just stop, please, Taekwoonie - ”

“You're not fine, Hakyeon,” Taekwoon said sharply, cutting him off. “I know it, you know it, the others know it, hell by this point the fans have probably guessed it. You  _ have _ to shift, you have no choice, and I will not let you fade away. Whatever is wrong, we'll work through it, you just have to try. Please,” he said quietly. Hakyeon shook his head, tears spilling over onto his cheeks as he tried to pull his arm away from Taekwoon. The other man only held tighter, and reached up to grab his other arm as well.

“No, no, I won’t - it  _ hurts _ , don’t you understand that, I can’t do it - please, Taekwoon, just let me go,  _ please _ \- ” He was babbling, at this point leaning against Taekwoon’s chest as he tried to free his arms. Taekwoon was baffled, unsure of what to do with the crying man in his arms. Finally he folded his arms tighter around him and held him close. His heart hurt when he felt hot tears falling onto his skin, and he pressed his nose into Hakyeon’s hair. It smelled familiar, warm and smoky, like it always had - but something was different. He furrowed his brow and took another breath, breathing in the scent of the smaller man. It was the same scent he had always had, but just barely sweeter.

“Hakyeon, you smell different,” he murmured. Hakyeon tensed. He pushed himself away from Taekwoon’s chest, impatiently wiped at his eyes.

“What do you mean? That’s nonsense, Woonie,” he said quickly. His voice was shaking, strained from the breathing exercise and now worried at Taekwoon’s comment. Taekwoon raised an eyebrow.

“You do, though. Sweeter, somehow.” His voice was quiet. Hakyeon stared at him, wide-eyed and shaking,

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Taekwoon,” he whispered. “I’m tired. I don’t think I can do another exercise today. I’m going back to the cabin.” He turned and strode through the trees, hoping he looked more steady than he felt. He heard Taekwoon following him but didn’t look back once. He burst into the cabin and ignored the welcomes from his younger members, striding straight to the bedroom. He crumpled onto his bed and buried his face in the blankets. Too much had happened in the last two hours and he didn’t know how to process it, starting from the sight of his wolf, small and weak and underdeveloped and sick, on to Taekwoon’s observation about his scent. If what the other man had said was true, then his true scent was overpowering the scent of his soap, and he didn’t know how or why that could happen.

“Hyung?” a quiet voice asked from the door. When he didn’t respond, quiet footsteps made their way across the room, and then the mattress shifted as someone sat down. He breathed in and identified it as Hongbin, gentle and sweet-smelling. He felt a hand settle on his shoulder and stroke down his back. “Are you alright?” He sniffed. Another hand settled on his body and they pulled at his shoulders so that he sat up. Hongbin pulled him close, holding him to his broader frame and stroking his hair. “Taekwoon hyung said that the exercise you did was hard on you. What happened?” he asked quietly. Hakyeon shook his head,

“It’s nothing, Binnie. I haven’t shifted in a while so it hurt a little to try,” he murmured, trying to brush it off. Hongbin sucked in a breath.

“It hurt?” he asked, shocked. “Hyung, how long have you gone without shifting? I’ve never heard of it hurting to shift, ever!” Hakyeon smiled bitterly.

“It’s been a long time, Bin,” he said quietly. Hongbin grabbed his shoulders and pushed him back a bit. He looked at him closely, his eyes sad.

“Hyung, why? Why haven’t you shifted in so long?” he asked. “I can’t go more than a month without shifting. It feels wrong, like I’m bursting out of my own skin. How do you stand it?” Hakyeon’s smile turned sad.

“I haven’t shifted since I was thirteen, Binnie,” he whispered. “I’m used to the feeling of denying it. Barely even feel it, really.” Hongbin’s eyes were wide and shocked, and his fingers tightened on Hakyeon’s shoulders.

“But - but that’s - ”

“Thirteen years, I know,” Hakyeon said. He winced and shifted his shoulders as Hongbin’s fingers bit into them. “Binnie, you’re hurting me,” he murmured. Hongbin let go of him immediately.

“Sorry. But, hyung - ” Hakyeon stopped him.

“I can’t tell you why, Hongbin,” he said gently. “I have a reason, and I think it’s a good one, although other people seem to disagree.” He scowled. “But I know what I’m doing. And I’ll be alright, I promise. It’s hard sometimes, but I’ll be alright.” He couldn’t quite tell, as he spoke, if he was trying to convince Hongbin or himself. The beta looked at him, face sad and confused. He opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it again. He did this twice more before sighing.

“Hyung,” he said finally, “I don’t want to - I mean, I can’t tell you what to do, but - the doctor seemed to be saying that you were really hurting yourself. And I understand if you don’t want to tell us why you’re doing this, or even that you were in the first place, but - please just take care of yourself.” He trailed off. He wasn’t looking at Hakyeon, his eyes were focused on the bed. Hakyeon bit his lip and clenched his hands into fists. “We need you, hyung,” Hongbin continued quietly. “I know that we tease you and bother you and act annoyed when you try to take care of us, but we need you. You keep us together, and make sure we take care of ourselves. And when we’re sad or not sure we can do something, you encourage us and cheer us on. I don’t think I would be doing this without you.” He looked up as he stopped talking, and Hakyeon realized with a jolt that the beta’s eyes were wet. He blinked quickly when his own stung and looked away. “You don’t have to tell us what’s happening if you don’t want to. Just please, please take care of yourself.”

Hongbin reached out and grabbed Hakyeon’s hand. He squeezed it once and then dropped it and stood up. He walked quietly out of the room, and Hakyeon could hear him sniffing and his breathing getting rougher as he closed the door. He stayed quiet, listening as the beta - his beta, his Hongbin, his dongsaeng - started crying. There were more footsteps and then the crying was muffled, as if Hongbin’s face was pressed to someone’s shoulder. Hakyeon felt one tear spill over onto his cheeks, then another and another, and then he was sobbing, biting his lip to try and stay quiet, and when that didn’t work burying his face in the pillow. He wanted more than anything to walk out of the room and hold the younger man, tell him that everything would be fine, that Hakyeon was perfectly healthy and taking care of himself, and his heart broke as he thought about how he wasn’t. He was hurting himself, everyday, badly, and he hated himself for lying to them, for not being able to just come clean and tell them what he was.

_ But they would hate you for it _ , he thought. And they would, he was sure of it. So he curled up on the bed and squeezed his eyes shut to try and force the tears away. He tried to will himself to sleep, and slowly, slowly he drifted off.


	7. Chapter Seven

When Hakyeon woke up the next morning, there was no one else in the bedroom. He sat up groggily, confused about the time - when had he gone to bed? He searched back through the last day and grimaced when he remembered the breathing exercise in the woods, the talk with Hongbin, and then crying himself to sleep. Judging by the light coming in the window, he had slept through the night and then some. He rubbed his hands over his face and groaned quietly before pushing himself up out of bed and shuffling into the bathroom. He dragged himself through his routine, wincing at sore joints and aching muscles. He felt warm, sort of feverish, but not enough to be worried about it.

When he walked out into the living room, it was empty except for Taekwoon. He listened carefully and heard the rest of the members playing in the woods. He nodded wearily to the stoic alpha on the couch and pouted weakly when Taekwoon’s only response was to push a plate of food across the coffee table.

“Eat, Hakyeon, and then we’re going to do another exercise,” he said. Hakyeon glared at him.

“I’ll eat, but I’m not doing anymore of those exercises. They won’t work, and all they’re doing is hurting me more,” he snapped as he sank slowly to the ground to eat. Taekwoon glared back.

“Of course they’re hurting you. Hongbin says you told him you haven’t shifted in thirteen years.” Hakyeon winced. Taekwoon raised an eyebrow. “Yes, he told us. When he came out of that room crying his eyes out because you wouldn’t tell him why you had been hurting yourself for half of your life. I don’t care that you don’t want to do the exercises - you’re going to. I know you don’t want to be helped, but I’m not going to let you destroy yourself. Neither will they. Now eat your breakfast, and then we’ll go.”

Taekwoon sat back as he finished speaking, his words layered with enough quiet alpha authority to make anyone listen. Hakyeon could feel the part of himself he desperately tried to ignore most of the time cowering and tugging at him to stop fighting. He shook himself and glared down at his plate as he began to eat. Once again, he was able to eat about half of the food in front of him before he couldn’t make himself swallow anymore of it. Taekwoon sighed and took the plate away, and cleaned up the kitchen, and then came back out to herd Hakyeon out onto the porch.

As Hakyeon was putting on shoes, Taekwoon whistled loudly. Hakyeon startled and looked up in time to see four wolves streaking out of the woods. They tumbled to a stop in front of the cabin and sat looking up at the two eldest members of the band expectantly. Hakyeon looked at them and then slowly turned to Taekwoon. “They’re not - coming with us, are they?” he asked quietly. Taekwoon nodded.

“I was looking through the exercises, and one of the more effective ones requires that a lot of pack mates be present and helping as well. This isn’t quite the same, seeing as we’re not really a pack, but I figure it’s close enough,” he said. Hakyeon looked worried.

“Taek, I - I don’t really want too many people there,” he whispered. Taekwoon looked at him, his eyes sympathetic. He sighed.

“I know,” he said quietly. “I know you don’t want to worry them, or for them to see you in pain. But they need to be there, and they want to be there. They want to help.” Hakyeon blew out a slow breath. The gangly tan wolf hopped up onto the porch quietly and nudged at Hakyeon’s shoulder. He whined low in his throat and wound around the leader’s body. Hakyeon laughed shakily.

“Hi, Hyukkie,” he murmured. He sighed and nodded heavily and moved to walk out into the woods. As he stepped away from the porch, however, he felt big hands on his hips, and then he was being lifted into the air and swung onto the back of a wolf - Sanghyuk, he realized, when he glanced down. “Ya!” he cried, glaring at Taekwoon. The other man laughed quietly and shrugged.

“We’ll get there faster this way,” he said, and he peeled off his shirt and shifted into his big black wolf. He seemed to grin at Hakyeon before he bounded away into the trees. The rest yipped and howled after him and followed, and Hakyeon yelped and grabbed onto Sanghyuk’s fur as he felt the body beneath him move. He was being carried through the forest very fast and he squeezed his eyes shut and flattened his body over Sanghyuk’s neck. When they finally stopped, he was tensed and clinging. He slowly sat up and looked around. He slid off of the wolf’s back and to the ground, and slumped against the younger wolf. Sanghyuk’s shoulders were shaking, his laugh rumbling through him, and Hakyeon scowled.

“It’s the same breathing exercise as yesterday, Hakyeon,” Taekwoon’s voice came from the other side of the clearing. Hakyeon looked up and nodded. “I’ll shift and lie down again, and you lean against me. The rest of you just settle down close to us. Release a lot of pheromones.” He stopped speaking and shifted again, and then settled in the middle of the clearing. He looked at Hakyeon expectantly, and Hakyeon sighed and made his way over. He settled down against the big black wolf again and closed his eyes. He could feel the other four wolves settling down around them, so close he could have reached out and touched them. He slowly began breathing, in, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, and then out. In and out.

He could feel Taekwoon everywhere, all around him. Warm at his back, solid and breathing and alive, and the scent of him permeating the air of the clearing, spicy and sharp, but so, so familiar. And then there was another scent - this one was warm, like coffee in the mornings - Wonshik. And there was Jaehwan, soft and creeping and smelling like the air after rain. And Hongbin, sweet and quiet, cookies in the oven and hot chocolate. And finally Sanghyuk, sharp, clean peppermint. They mixed in the air, and he could smell them all around him, and then he could feel them near him, surrounding him. He could hear them breathing, loud in his ears over the birds and the cicadas in the trees, regular and comforting -

And then he was plunging into himself, faster than before, and they were with him and carrying him down, pulling him down -

And he was in the clearing. And there, small, weak, trembling, there was his wolf. Hakyeon choked on his breath, his eyes immediately stinging, and he squeezed them shut, wanting to leave, to go back, to stop seeing this, seeing what he had done to himself, to his wolf -

He gasped when he felt a warm tongue on his cheek, and then a cold nose nudging at his neck. He opened his eyes slowly. The little wolf was in front of him, standing shakily and nosing at his neck and shoulders. It was smelling him, examining him, and Hakyeon slowly brought a hand up to stroke at its ears. It pushed its head into the touch, its eyes fluttering closed. It curled up beside him, pressed to his side. Hakyeon kept stroking it. His eyes kept stinging, and at some point the tears spilled over, but he never stopped stroking the wolf.

This is good, he told himself. It’s good I’m doing this. I’m not shifting, but I should at least see my wolf one more time. Before - he stopped himself from thinking it.

He didn’t know how long he sat there. The light in the clearing never changed, always at his favourite time of day. Early morning when the sun has just come up and is lighting up the world, but hasn’t had time to heat the air yet. It must have been hours, though, before he felt something on his face. He looked down, but the little rust coloured wolf was still, sleeping against him. But he became more and more aware of something nudging at his cheeks. Slowly, he was pulled out of himself, back to the other clearing, where his members were waiting. He opened his eyes slowly, squinting at the sunlight. Jaehwan was in front of him, nudging and licking at his cheeks. He smiled and reached up to stroke the beta’s fur. Jaehwan yipped happily, and nudged at Hakyeon more, until Hakyeon pushed himself up off the ground. Sanghyuk came up behind him and nudged him until he pulled himself onto his back, and then he was being carried through the forest again, back to the cabin.

When they arrived, Hakyeon sat up straight on Sanghyuk and tried to slide off of him. He heard footsteps and looked around to see Taekwoon striding toward him, human again. The tall man reached out and carefully lifted him off the wolf and cradled him to his chest. He carried him into the house and to the couch and settled him there. Hakyeon stayed quiet and closed his eyes. He was tired and drained from what seemed to have been several hours spent meditating. He could feel the ache that was familiar now, constant and burning in his joints and his back, and he winced as he shifted on the couch. Taekwoon pulled a blanket over him and ran long fingers through his hair once before he left, presumably to start dinner. Hakyeon tensed when he was gone, suddenly scared, until he felt more fingers, and smelled cookies, and relaxed as he heard Hongbin settle to the floor next to the couch.

“Sleep now, hyung,” the beta whispered. “You did so well today. Sleep now, we’ll wake you when dinner’s ready.” Hakyeon sighed and settled into the gentle touches to his hair. He drifted off slowly, to the sound of quiet conversation and the feel of fingers in his hair.

 

Hongbin sat quietly on the floor of the cabin living room. He was still stroking Hakyeon’s hair, though the older man had fallen asleep some time ago. Jaehwan, Wonshik and Sanghyuk were talking quietly around him, and Taekwoon was cooking. He stared at Hakyeon’s face. It was familiar, achingly so. But it was tired. There were deep bags under his eyes, and even in sleep the corners of his mouth seemed tense, with pain or stress Hongbin wasn’t sure.

The beta had watched Hakyeon all through the exercise in the forest that day. They had been in the clearing for hours, from late morning to late afternoon. He knew that some of the others had dozed, though he had met Taekwoon’s eyes over Hakyeon’s shoulder enough times to know that the alpha, at least, had been awake the whole time. Hongbin had watched Hakyeon carefully, and seen the play of emotions across his face. He had started out nervous, became panicked and then tense very quickly. Then he was sad, and at some point tears started running down his cheeks. Hongbin had tensed up, alarmed, but relaxed when nothing else changed. His heart had hurt as he watched his hyung cry but he stayed still. He only stood and stopped releasing pheromones when Taekwoon shifted and stretched his neck out to the closest wolf - Jaehwan - to get someone to rouse Hakyeon so they could go home.

Now, he sat as close to Hakyeon as he could get. Slowly, when he was sure the older man was asleep, he leaned forward and pushed his nose into his hair. He wanted the contact, the comfort of having Hakyeon close and knowing he was alive. He stayed there, his eyes closed, breathing in the familiar smoky scent.

Hongbin tensed and sat up. He stared at Hakyeon. Something was off. He leaned forward again and sniffed, breathing in the older man’s scent. It was there, smoky and warm and alpha, the same as always - but it was sweeter. Hongbin furrowed his brow, confused. He had never heard of a wolf’s scent changing after they reached adulthood. Scents changed during puberty - for alphas and omegas, it was their classes presenting themselves. For betas, it was just their bodies maturing and losing the softness of their baby fat. But after that change, aside from mating, it was unheard of for a wolf’s scent to change. Had Hakyeon mated? But that made no sense. There had been no time recently for him to have found someone, and taken the necessary time off to mate with them. Hongbin sniffed again. And he didn’t smell like a mated wolf, anyway.

The beta settled back on the floor, thinking. Hakyeon’s scent was different, and he had apparently not shifted for years. He had been - sick. There was no other word for it. The doctor had told them to force him to shift in order to make him better, because the sickness had something to do with his wolf. Hongbin turned all of it over in his mind, again and again, trying to make sense of the information before him. The answer was there, he was sure of it, just out of his reach.

A touch to his shoulder shocked him out of his musings and he jumped. Jaehwan smiled at him sheepishly. “Sorry, Binnie,” he said. “You weren’t answering. Dinner’s ready.” Hongbin nodded, distracted. He turned and gently shook Hakyeon’s shoulder. The older man woke up slowly and Hongbin and Jaehwan helped him up off the couch and into the dining room. They settled him at the table, and Hongbin sat down with him to keep him from jumping to try and help the others as they brought the food out.

Dinner was quiet, but more peaceful and comfortable than their meals had been for a while. Jaehwan and Sanghyuk did most of the talking, but it felt normal. When dinner was over, Taekwoon nodded for Hongbin to stay with Hakyeon and keep him from helping again. Hongbin nodded back and turned to draw the older man into a conversation. He smiled at him brightly, knowing that never failed to draw an answering smile from the leader. Hakyeon, sure enough, grinned back. He looked apologetic.

“Binnie, I - I wanted to say that I’m sorry for yesterday,” he said quietly. Hongbin opened his mouth to speak, but Hakyeon beat him to it. “I mean it. I shouldn’t have burdened you with that. With any of this, really. I know that I made you cry, and I’m sorry.” He met the beta’s eyes and then looked away. Hongbin shook his head.

“Hyung, I - ” he started. He stopped to gather himself and then met Hakyeon’s eyes. “I want to be burdened with this,” he said. “We all do. It’s not even really a burden. You take care of us, and you’re so important to us. We just want to take care of you, too. We love you, and we all hate to see you in pain. I’m glad you told me what you did. I wish you would tell me why, but at least now I know some of what’s hurting you, so I have a better idea of how to help you feel better.” Hakyeon smiled at him and sighed.

“You’re entirely too sweet, Binnie,” he murmured. Hongbin scoffed.

“No I’m not, I’m a prickly, stubborn idiot. You know this, hyung,” he said, grinning. Hakyeon laughed.

“You’d better take good care of that reputation. Recent behaviour is convincing me otherwise,” he teased. Hongbin sniffed.

“Temporary measures. Make no mistake, I’ll be back to my normal standoffish self the moment you’re better,” he said. Hakyeon chuckled. Hongbin grinned.

“Hakyeon hyung, Hongbinnie, we’re going to watch a movie!” Jaehwan called from the living room. The two men at the table glanced up and then stood to go join the others. Hakyeon moved slowly, wincing, and Hongbin jumped to help him. Hakyeon snickered.

“That reputation is chipping away fast, Binnie,” he said with a smile. Hongbin humphed. They made their way into the living room and Hongbin settled the leader on the couch beside Taekwoon. Hongbin sat down on Hakyeon’s other side and immediately leaned into him. The leader shook his head and laughed as he reached a hand up and began stroking the beta’s hair.

Jaehwan started the movie and then returned to the floor in front of the couch where Sanghyuk and Wonshik were sitting. Hakyeon paid attention for a few minutes, and then he could feel himself dozing. It was warm here, between Taekwoon and Hongbin. Taekwoon’s long arm was stretched out along the back of the couch behind him, and Hongbin was solid and comforting against his chest. He listed slowly to the side and nestled into the tall alpha’s body. His eyes closed and his breathing slowed, and as he slowly drifted to sleep, he felt warm and more relaxed than he had been in a long time. The pain in his bones was there, pulsing and constant, but it was faded, less noticeable in the presence of the warmth of his bandmates next to him.

 

Halfway through the movie, Hongbin glanced to the side. Hakyeon was fast asleep, curled into Taekwoon’s side. Hongbin was leaning, curled over the leader’s body, and one of Hakyeon’s hands was curled into Hongbin’s shirt. The beta smiled softly and reached down to curl his own fingers around Hakyeon’s hand. He glanced up and saw Taekwoon watching him. The quiet alpha smiled and stretched his hand to stroke through Hongbin’s hair once. Hongbin grinned at him. He looked back down at the leader and carefully settled more heavily against him. As he did, he caught Hakyeon’s scent. The sweetness from before was still there, stronger. Hongbin looked up at Taekwoon again.

“Hyung?” he whispered. Taekwoon raised an eyebrow. “Does Hakyeon hyung smell… different to you?” he asked slowly. Taekwoon’s eyes widened fractionally at the question. He nodded slowly.

“Yeah, I noticed it yesterday,” he murmured. “He smells sweeter, somehow.” Hongbin nodded.

“I noticed earlier this evening. Do you have any idea why?” Taekwoon shook his head.

“No clue. I’m pretty sure it’s only started changing since we got here, but I don’t know what it means. All I can figure is that it has to do with the exercises and trying to get him to shift, since that’s really all that’s changed.” Hongbin nodded slowly, biting his lip. Taekwoon reached out and brushed a thumb over his lips, raising an eyebrow. “What is it, Binnie?” he asked. Hongbin smiled slightly.

“It’s just - I’ve only ever heard of scents changing during puberty or after you mate. But neither of those scenarios make sense for Hakyeon hyung, and anyway I’ve never,  _ ever _ heard of someone’s scent getting sweeter,” he said quietly. Taekwoon nodded slowly. He stared down at the leader, searching his face and wracking his brain, trying to figure it out. Finally he shook his head.

“I don’t know, Hongbin,” he murmured. “Whatever it is, though, I’m sure we’ll find out soon. No matter what it means, I’m sure it has something to do with the meditations, and him being forced to find his wolf.” Hongbin nodded. Taekwoon smiled at him again, and then settled back into the couch. He shifted his body slowly so that Hakyeon was resting more comfortably against his chest, and then he tugged gently at Hongbin’s hair to pull him closer, too. Hongbin leaned in and smiled up at him as long fingers began combing through his hair.

“I’ll fall asleep if you keep doing that, hyung,” he mumbled. Taekwoon grinned.

“Don’t worry, I’ll put you to bed if you do,” he said. Hongbin laughed quietly and closed his eyes.

He didn’t fall asleep, and when the lights came back on at the end of the movie he opened his eyes and sat up, smiling at the quiet alpha in the corner of the sofa. Taekwoon smiled softly back at him and then turned his attention to picking Hakyeon up smoothly enough not to wake him. Hongbin hovered, doing his best to help, and then he watched as Taekwoon took the eldest to the bedroom, cradled to his chest protectively, to tuck him into bed. He felt an arm fall over his shoulders. Jaehwan stood next to him, following his gaze.

“We’ll make sure he gets better, don’t worry,” he said. Hongbin nodded and smiled at the other beta. They turned and went to join the other two to help clean up the kitchen, and when they had finished they crept into the bedroom and all of them climbed into bed. Hongbin fell asleep quickly, and he dreamed of playing in the forest with his members, his pack -  _ they were his pack, no matter what anyone said _ . The sunlight was bright on their fur and the air was full of their happy barks, and then he looked around and there was another wolf curled under a tree with Hakyeon’s eyes and smile and warmth, and in his sleep, Hongbin smiled.


	8. Chapter Eight

The heat was what woke Hakyeon up the next morning. He was cocooned in his blankets, and would have been comfortably cozy except for the heat that seemed to be burning in his chest, down his arms and into his belly. He could feel the sweat on his temples and at his waist and he clawed and kicked the blankets off of him. The cool air of the bedroom was a relief to his feverish skin, and he lay in bed for a moment, panting with his eyes closed. He squirmed uncomfortably as the heat seemed to increase, even as his skin cooled.

Hakyeon dragged himself out of bed and into the shower. He turned the water as cold as it would go and stood under the spray, shivering, as he washed his hair and face. Finally, he reached for his soap and poured some into his palm. He began scrubbing it into his skin, over his shoulders and down his chest, over his hips and down his legs. After a moment, he gasped as his skin began stinging and tingling, and then the heat in his belly surged, roaring through him, hotter and hotter. Hakyeon stumbled and sank to the floor. He curled up and shivered and trembled as the soap sluiced off of him.

Hakyeon stayed curled on the floor of the shower for several long moments, his eyes clenched shut and his bottom lip clenched between his teeth. He was sure that when he finally managed to get out of the shower, his skin would be red and inflamed, as if he was covered head to toe with bug bites and bee stings. He bit down on his lip harder, terrified - this was the soap, he knew it, and if he couldn't use the soap anymore without this happening, what would he do? Suppressants only did so much and anyway, his scent had been the smoky, thick scent of the soap for so long that any change would be obvious. And he knew Taekwoon already suspected something, anyway.

Hakyeon shook himself. He pulled himself up and stood under the cold spray once more, shuddering. When he stepped out of the shower he groaned quietly, and he winced as he bent over to pull out clothes to wear. Now his back and joints and hips ached, the pain familiar by now, and his skin was still stinging and tingling unpleasantly, and the heat coiling and twisting in his belly had not been diminished by the hour spent curled under a cascade of cold water. He pulled on his most comfortable sweatpants and his favourite sweatshirt (it had belonged to Taekwoon at some point in the past, but Hakyeon couldn't care less). He shuffled out into the living room and sat down quietly at the dining room table, ignoring the five other boys sitting there.

“Hyung?” Hongbin asked quietly. Hakyeon looked up quickly and registered that he was sitting between Hongbin and Taekwoon, and Sanghyuk was staring at him worriedly from across the table. Wonshik was next to him, and Jaehwan was on his other side. He turned and nodded quietly to Hongbin.

“What is it, Binnie?” he asked.

“Are you ok?” the younger man asked tentatively. “You seem more tired than yesterday.” Hakyeon smiled tiredly.

“I'm fine, Binnie,” he said. He pushed his shoulders back and sat up straight, pulling a plate towards him. He looked up and looked around. “Yah!” he exclaimed. “Don't look so upset. I'm fine. I'm a little tired, but I'm resting and I'll be totally fine. Now eat your breakfast.” He took a bite of his own breakfast, chewing slowly and swallowing. He fought down a grimace. He really wasn't hungry, but he knew that he would eat something no matter what this morning, whether it was of his own volition or Taekwoon’s. The others slowly began eating, and conversation picked up again, and Hakyeon let his shoulders relax.

“So, what's the plan for today?” Wonshik asked later as the younger members cleared up. Hakyeon’s eyes had widened when they all immediately jumped into action as soon as Taekwoon glared at them, before he proceeded to whine loudly that they never responded that quickly when  _ he _ asked them to, and why couldn't they show him the respect he deserved?! To which Jaehwan laughed and told him, “Taekwoonie hyung is scarier, Hakyeon hyung. We all know that you'll whine about it and then let it go right away.” Hakyeon huffed and crossed his arms. He furrowed his eyebrows slowly as he thought about it.

“Then why am I the leader?” he asked quietly. “Why not Taekwoon?” He hadn't really meant for anyone to hear him, but five pairs of eyes immediately swiveled incredulously to his face.

“You can't seriously be asking that, hyung,” Sanghyuk said, smiling slightly. Hakyeon laughed nervously and shook his head, waving his hand.

“Of course not, forget it,” he said. He stood and took his plate to the sink and began to wash the dishes that were there, ignoring Taekwoon silently glowering from beside him. The alpha had followed him from the table and tried to take the plate from him and now was moving his hands as if debating whether or not to take the sponge away from Hakyeon and push him to a chair. “Taekwoon, I'm fine,” Hakyeon said, smiling at him. “I haven't done any chores in days, you lot are doing all the work. Let me help.” Taekwoon glared and crossed his arms. He stayed next to Hakyeon but allowed him to continue.

Sanghyuk was standing on the other side of the kitchen, next to the stove. “Hyung,” he said. Hakyeon glanced at him and nodded. “You know that we don't think you shouldn't be the leader, right?” he asked slowly. Hakyeon looked up at him again, eyes wide.

“We don't always listen to you about chores and things, and we bother you a lot, but you're the leader. We know that. That's how we want it,” Hongbin added. “Taekwoon hyung might be able to get us to do the dishes faster, but you're the one who gets us where we need to go and helps us practice and gives us feedback and - and keeps us going.”

Hakyeon had turned back to the sink, his back to all of the members. His eyes were stinging and he sniffed. “Of - of course I know that, Binnie. But thank you for saying it,” he whispered. He kept washing the dishes, blinking furiously to try and dispel the tears that had gathered in his eyes. The kitchen behind him was quiet, and then Hakyeon was being gently pushed aside, into Wonshik’s chest. Taekwoon firmly wrestled the plate and sponge away from him and dried off his hands. “I can clean up, I’m fine - ” Hakyeon tried to protest, but Wonshik pulled him away.

“Come on, hyung,” he murmured. He took him to the couch and sat down and pulled the older man to sit with him. Hakyeon grumbled until he felt Wonshik pushing his face into his shoulder. The leader looked down, surprised.

“Wonshik? What is it?” he asked quietly. Hakyeon brought one of his hands up and brushed his fingers through the silvery hair. Wonshik slid his arms around Hakyeon’s waist and pulled him close.

“I just feel like you don’t know that we appreciate you and love you, and it makes me sad,” he murmured. Hakyeon smiled shakily and leaned his head against the alpha’s.

“I do know, Shik-ah. And I love all of you, too. But thank you for telling me again,” he said quietly. Hakyeon startled a little when another body slid onto the couch on his other side. He glanced around and smiled as Sanghyuk draped himself over him. “Yah, honestly! Why can’t you all always be this cuddly! Normally you’re too cool for me!” Hakyeon exclaimed, even as he tugged his arm out from where it was trapped to wrap it around Sanghyuk’s shoulders. Sanghyuk ducked his head under Hakyeon’s chin and grinned up at him.

“It’s all a ploy, hyung,” he said solemnly. Hakyeon scoffed.

“That doesn’t make any sense at all, Han Sanghyuk, and you know it.” Sanghyuk grinned again and then nuzzled himself further into Hakyeon’s chest. Hakyeon sighed loudly, a smile tugging at his lips, and he relaxed into the couch, stroking Wonshik’s hair and running his fingers up and down Sanghyuk’s arm. He looked up at a movement in the doorway and saw Hongbin and Jaehwan standing there, watching the three of them. He smiled at them, and Hongbin grinned and walked over to sink down on the floor in front of the couch. He leaned his head on Hakyeon’s knee and reached up to tangle his fingers with Sanghyuk’s. Jaehwan sat down with Hongbin and reached out, making grabby hands as if to summon some form of contact. Wonshik snorted at him and reached one hand down to pet at his hair. Jaehwan smiled beatifically up at him and leaned into the touch, and Hakyeon shook his head and laughed quietly at both of them.

He relaxed further into the couch and tightened his arms around Sanghyuk and Wonshik. He closed his eyes and relished in the contact, and the warmth spreading through him. He felt comfortable, and for once the pain in his back was quiet. None of his joints were pulsing, and the only pain he could feel was the lingering sting of his skin from using his soap that morning. Even that was fading. He imagined it being burned away by the warmth travelling through him.

Hakyeon started at a gentle touch to his hair. He looked up into Taekwoon’s face. The alpha smiled at him. “Comfy?” he asked, his voice light. Hakyeon laughed quietly and nodded. Taekwoon smiled apologetically now. “I’m sorry to disturb all of you, but I do want to get at least a couple of hours of exercises done today. It’s already after noon, so we should go,” he said. Wonshik and Sanghyuk grumbled but they sat up and then stood, stretching. Wonshik dragged Jaehwan to his feet, the beta pouting and protesting the whole time, and Sanghyuk helped Hongbin to stand, the two of them laughing. Hakyeon sighed and frowned up at Taekwoon.

“Do we have to?” he asked quietly, not quite a whine. Taekwoon gave him a small smile and nodded, and then grabbed his hands and pulled him up. Hakyeon sighed and resigned himself to another afternoon in the woods and made his way to the door to put shoes on. He winced as he leaned down, the pain in his back coming back right away. He felt large hands on his waist as he straightened, steadying him, and he glanced around at Taekwoon. He nodded quickly in thanks and then moved out of the way as the rest of the members ran past. He smiled softly as he watched them shift and start playing with each other. Taekwoon nudged him out of the house and helped him onto Sanghyuk again, before he shifted himself, and then they were off.

When they arrived in the clearing, Hakyeon sat down in the centre of it immediately and looked wearily over at the big black wolf. “Same as usual?” he asked. Taekwoon shifted back and shook his head.

“Today we’re all going to be touching you. I’ll be behind you, like usual, and I think Hongbinnie and Jaehwannie should be on either side of you, they’re smaller. Stretch your legs out, and Wonshik-ah and Hyukkie can lean on you that way. Otherwise it’s the same. Same breathing pattern, and you lot release pheromones like yesterday.” As soon as he finished speaking, Taekwoon shifted back into his wolf form, and he settled behind Hakyeon as he had everyday. Hakyeon twisted around to glare at him, and then he flopped back against him. He stretched his legs out and crossed his arms over his chest. He glanced to the side when he felt a wolf curl up next to him. It was Hongbin. He looked up at him with wide dark eyes and nudged his nose into Hakyeon’s side, and the leader relented and stretched one arm over him. He carded his fingers through the soft gray fur and smiled as the wolf rested his nose on his upper thigh. His other arm was nudged out of the way as Jaehwan flopped gracelessly to the ground on his other side. Hakyeon rolled his eyes and began stroking him as well, and then he shifted minutely as Wonshik and Sanghyuk settled along his legs. He leaned back against Taekwoon and stared up at the sky, cloudless and blue above him. He felt Taekwoon start the breathing pattern behind him and reluctantly closed his eyes and began counting. He matched his counts to the wolf behind him and breathed in deep, and then out, in, and out, in, and -

and he was in the clearing, and his wolf was sitting up from where it was resting. There was no falling this time. It was like he had blinked and was there. And the little rust coloured wolf bounded over to him this time, happy,  _ so _ happy to see him, and Hakyeon tensed as he reached him and immediately began nosing around him, trying to get him to stand and play. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to do, how to communicate to the little wolf that he wasn’t really here to stay. That he would see it a few more times, and then once he left the cabin and went back to his life he would go back to ignoring it. He felt a sharp pain in his heart at the thought of never seeing the wolf with warm rust coloured fur and bright eyes ever again.

He sat cross-legged in the middle of the clearing deep inside of himself, staring at the little wolf that was practically humming with satisfaction as he scratched behind its ears and stroked its neck. He wondered what it would have looked like, had he allowed it to develop into adulthood. Would the colour of its fur have changed? Hakyeon knew that happened sometimes - he had seen pictures of Taekwoon as a cub, his fur gray before it darkened to the pitch black it was now. And Jaehwan, sleek and white, had once upon a time been more honey coloured. Would Hakyeon’s wolf have changed? Would he be slender and graceful like Hongbin, or long and wily like Jaehwan? Would he have kept his long, soft fur, or would it have molted, grown back shorter?

Hakyeon felt his eyes prick. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to his wolf, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to hold back his tears. He would never regret what he had done. He would never regret the years of freedom and happiness that his choices had granted him - but he did regret this. He regretted denying this little wolf a chance to grow up, to run and play, strong and lively and bright like he so obviously was. Even if he did decide to let his body heal, let his wolf heal, he knew that it would never be fully developed. It would always be damaged.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. His voice broke, and the tears spilled over, and then Hakyeon was sobbing into his wolf’s fur and hoping against hope that he would open his eyes and be back in the outside world, where he could forget about this little wolf for good - but it wasn’t happening. After what felt like an age, Hakyeon took a deep shuddering breath and sat up. He looked around, his brow furrowed in confusion. The other two times he had done this, when he was distressed he had come out of it immediately, and yet here he was, still deep in the meditation even with the claws of panic and despair sinking into him. He pushed himself to his feet, not sure what he could do but determined to do  _ something _ \- but as soon as he stood, the little wolf was bounding around his feet, shaky but excited, clearly misunderstanding and thinking Hakyeon was finally going to play with it. Hakyeon backed away. The wolf followed. He stepped sideways. The wolf followed. He was running from it now, stumbling, trying to separate himself from it. It was too happy, too joyful, too unaware of his plan to let it fade -

and more tears were running down his cheeks, and his breaths were coming sharp and rough. His chest hurt, and he could feel the heat from this morning building in his belly and then swooping through him, fire in his veins and it  _ hurt _ , so much, too much, and he wanted to be gone, he wanted to be away from here, he  _ needed _ to be away from here. Hakyeon stumbled over a root and fell to the ground, and he curled into a ball and gripped his hair, and he felt a scream building in the back of his throat, and then there was a cold nose at his neck and warm breath, and the scream burst out -

and he was back, back with his members. It was too hot, and he pushed them away, frantic and scared. He stumbled to the edge of the clearing and fell to his knees. He vomited up his breakfast, and stayed kneeling there, heaving, his throat and chest burning and his stomach roiling. He could feel tears on his cheeks still, and his skin was tingling again, and the heat was back, loud and strong and insistent, and his back hurt and his joints hurt and his hips hurt. He felt gentle, cool hands stroking his hair, and a big hand settled on the small of his back, warm and grounding. He leaned into the touches, exhausted.

He was sure he could hear them talking over his head, but he couldn’t distinguish words. After a couple of long moments, warm, strong arms closed around him and he was being lifted into the air, cradled against a broad chest, his nose filled with a spicy scent -  _ Taekwoon _ , he thought. He relaxed into the alpha as much as he could, and as he felt him start walking, he drifted. His mind kept going back to the joy evident in the little wolf, and every time he thought of it, fresh tears filled his eyes. When they reached the cabin, Taekwoon took him straight to the bathroom. Hakyeon felt awareness return as the alpha gently helped him get undressed and started the shower. Clarity returned all at once when Hakyeon realized that Taekwoon seemed to fully intend to help him all through the shower, and so he would be in the room when the soap washed off. He stopped everything and backed away from the other man.

“I’m fine, now, Woonie,” he said quietly, trying to hide the unsteadiness in his voice. “Thank you.” Taekwoon glowered for a moment and then nodded reluctantly. He left the room, making sure Hakyeon promised to call if he needed anything. Once he was gone, Hakyeon slipped under the spray of warm water. He winced and turned it to cold, hoping to fight the growing heat in his belly. He washed himself off, wiping away sweat and scent, and then he reached for the soap and shakily scrubbed it into his skin - his skin that was tingling and stinging again.

 

When Hakyeon climbed out of the shower and dressed, he was shaking and exhausted. He shuffled out of the bathroom and stopped short when he saw Taekwoon standing just outside, arms crossed and brow furrowed. It was his worried glower. Hakyeon sighed and plastered a smile to his face. Taekwoon scoffed and walked forward to take Hakyeon’s arm. He guided him half gently, half forcefully to the couch. Then he walked into the kitchen and reemerged with a plate. Hakyeon groaned.

“Woonie, I can’t - ,” he started, his stomach churning just at the thought of food. Taekwoon shook his head and pushed the plate into Hakyeon’s hands.

“It’s just rice. You have to eat something, Hakyeon,” he said. Hakyeon huffed and began slowly eating the plain rice. He glanced up and around at the rest of his members sitting around the room. They all looked tired, and worried, and Hakyeon winced internally. When he had eaten almost all of the rice on the plate, he looked pleadingly at Taekwoon. The other man sighed and nodded, and took the plate away and back to the kitchen. As soon as he was no longer holding food, Jaehwan shot from his seat and immediately curled into Hakyeon’s side. Hakyeon jolted and winced at the impact, surprised.

“What’s wrong, Jaehwannie?” he asked. He brought his hand up and carded through the beta’s hair.

“What’s happening to you, hyung?” Jaehwan asked quietly. He shook his head violently when Hakyeon opened his mouth with a smile, clearly about to reassure him that yes, he was fine and there was nothing to worry about. “Don’t just tell me you’re fine. I know you’re not. You - you started crying two minutes into that exercise, and then you started trembling after the first fifteen minutes. And then suddenly you were awake and s-screaming and ob-obviously hurting, and throwing up and - and - and you’re  _ not fine _ , hyung, no matter what you say, so don’t tell me that and just tell me what’s wrong!” Jaehwan’s voice rose to a shout, and tears glistened in the corners of his eyes. Hakyeon stared at him, wide-eyed, as he breathed heavily after finishing what he had to say. Sanghyuk walked across the room slowly and sat behind Jaehwan. He gathered him into his arms and held him quietly. Jaehwan leaned into him, sniffling, but his eyes never left Hakyeon’s face. Hakyeon felt his breathing quicken, and then tears pricked at his eyes, and then he was trembling. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t sit here and look at the damage he was doing to his members -  _ his pack, they were his pack, his family, how could he  _ ever  _ hurt them like this?!  _ \- he couldn’t watch as they tried desperately to help him anymore.

“Stop - stop!” he exclaimed as Hongbin and Wonshik settled near him. They froze, Hongbin retracting his hands from Hakyeon’s shoulders. Taekwoon was standing in the doorway, looking alarmed. Hakyeon struggled to his feet. “Just - just  _ stop _ . I  _ am  _ fine, I don't need all of this - this  _ coddling _ , just stop it!” He knew he was being unfair, but he couldn't let his members do this to themselves. They were wasting their energy, and it would only hurt them more in the long run. He needed to make them stop, before they found out and left him alone, the way he knew they would -

“But you're not fine, Hakyeon.” Hakyeon was yanked out of his panicked reverie by the quiet voice, and he jerked his head up to look at the stoic alpha at the door. He watched, wide eyed and frantic, as Taekwoon took slow, careful steps towards him. “You're not fine. And however much you hate them, the meditations are doing  _ something _ . Your scent is changing since we started them.” Hakyeon shook his head.

“Wh-what?” he asked quietly. Taekwoon raised an eyebrow. “My scent is changing?” Hakyeon asked.

“It is, hyung,” Hongbin said from the couch. “I've noticed it, too.” Hakyeon shook his head slowly.

“No, that - that can't happen, no - ”

“I didn't know it could happen either, hyung,” Hongbin said. “But your scent has gotten sweeter the last couple of days.”

“I don't think that's what he meant, Hongbin,” Jaehwan said slowly. He was watching Hakyeon intently as the older man wrapped his arms around himself. “He means he doesn't want that to happen. He's knows what's going on.” Hongbin looked to Hakyeon.

“Hyung?” he asked. “Do you know what's going on?” Hakyeon glanced at Hongbin once before looking away. He glanced frantically around the room, looking for a way out. The heat was back, and worse, roiling and burning away, low in his stomach. He could feel it rushing through his body, igniting his nerves and heating his skin. He wrapped his arms around his stomach, anxious and uncomfortable. He tried to answer Hongbin, but suddenly he felt the heat boil over, and he couldn't take it anymore. He heard himself whimper and then felt himself falling. He heard shouts, and then there were arms around him, and Taekwoon had caught him again, and was holding him saying his name, and Hakyeon cried out as a blaze of heat rushed up his spine and seemed to burst like a firework in his chest. It was too hot, and he pushed at Taekwoon’s chest, trying to move away and let the air hit his face. He was mumbling, “Too hot, too hot,  _ too hot _ , let me go, please,  _ too hot _ \- ” and then there were cool hands on his forehead and Hakyeon pushed into them, whimpering again.

“He’s burning up,” someone said -  _ Taekwoon? _ \- and then more hands were pushing at his hoodie and he gasped as the air hit his arms. “Wonshik, go call Dr. Park, ask him what’s going on,” the soft voice said again. And Hakyeon knew, in the back of his mind, that he didn’t want that, didn’t want them calling Dr. Park, but then he felt someone’s solid chest at his back, and cool hands gripped his neck and pulled his head to look at someone.

Hakyeon blinked slowly, panting and squirming in Taekwoon’s hold. He looked where the hands directed him -  _ big eyes, soft dark hair, broad shoulders _ -

“Hongbin?” he mumbled. The beta nodded, and then his mouth moved, but Hakyeon couldn’t make out his words as another burst of heat travelled through him, and this time it seemed to gather where he was being touched. On his neck, all across his back, the heat coiled and spun and tingled, and he was panting harder now, and he squeezed his eyes shut as the heat turned from blistering, horrible pain to searing, overwhelming pleasure -

and Hakyeon’s eyes snapped open in the same moment that he heard a growl and felt himself being lifted from the floor, and he knew what was happening and it  _ couldn’t _ , it shouldn’t be possible. He looked around frantically, and he saw confusion on the faces of his younger members, but then he looked above him, to Taekwoon, and his eyes were dark, his teeth clenched, and Hakyeon whimpered when he realised that Taekwoon knew, too, he had guessed. He opened his mouth and tried to speak, to explain, apologize, defend himself,  _ something _ \- and then a wave of heat more intense than all the rest washed over him and Hakyeon felt his body give up, and the last thing he saw before he passed out was a flash of deep purple in Taekwoon’s eyes.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. I am so extremely sorry for the long wait for this chapter - it was a combination of real life chaos and writer's block. But it's done! And it's here! And now I'm on break from school, so I (theoretically) will have more time to write the next chapter, so hopefully it won't take as long as this one did. It is extremely long, so hopefully that makes up for the wait at least a little.
> 
> Thank you all so so much for the wonderful comments, they make my day every time I read them and they encourage me so much. Thank you so much for reading this story, and I'm glad so many people are enjoying it! Special special thanks to Wickedhorserider2012 for not killing me when I put off writing this, and for reading it for me and reassuring me that it was good and yelling at me to post it. You should all go check out her stories, she's amazing and half the reason that I'm actually confident enough to post this story. 언니 사랑해요!
> 
> Heads up - lots of smut ahead. That is all.
> 
> Enjoy!

When Hakyeon woke up, he registered two things - one, he was in bed. Two, the bed felt like a furnace. The heat that had overwhelmed him was still present, and without the cool touch of Hongbin’s hands and the comfort of Taekwoon’s chest at his back, all he could feel was the blistering pain of it under his skin. He gasped, tears falling down his cheeks - and somewhere deep inside, where he could still form rational thoughts, he wondered how they hadn’t evaporated off his skin.

He pushed the blankets off of himself slowly, his arms heavy and uncooperative. He took in a deep breath at the relief of cool air against his skin -  _ bare skin, someone must have undressed me _ \- and then he flinched at the overpowering scent of  _ omega _ in the room. He didn’t know how he had gone into heat (because that's what this must be, this horrible, all-consuming fire, this helplessness against the waves of sensation), but it must have burned away the fake scent, and now there was no way they didn’t know what he was.

Following this was the realization that he was alone in the room. Hakyeon panicked, worried that they had left him here, too disgusted and betrayed to even stay in the same cabin as him another minute. He stumbled out of bed and to the door. He yanked it open and wandered deliriously into the living room. He almost cried with relief when he found all of them there, sitting and talking. Their faces were serious, but they were there - and then Taekwoon was surging to his feet and grabbing Wonshik and Sanghyuk, who had both lunged at Hakyeon as soon as his scent reached them.

“Jaehwan, Hongbin, get him back to the room!” he barked. The two betas moved quickly, gently taking hold of Hakyeon’s shoulders and shepherding him back to the bedroom. The omega whimpered and strained, trying to get back to the living room - he wanted all of them, to be near them, didn’t they see that?

“No, hyung, come on,” Hongbin murmured. “We need to talk about this, so you need to let them calm down before they come in, alright?” Hongbin pulled Hakyeon to look at him again, the way he had before. Hakyeon’s breath hitched and he gripped Hongbin’s wrists. Hongbin looked him in the eye. “Alright?” he asked again. Hakyeon nodded sluggishly, and Jaehwan gently pulled him along, back to the bedroom.

“Oof,” he exclaimed as soon as they stepped inside. Hongbin hissed, his eyes darkening and flashing a dark gold. “We should air out the room before we let them in,” Jaehwan said through clenched teeth. Hongbin nodded. They settled Hakyeon on the bed and covered him up, and then Hongbin moved and opened a window. As he did there was a knock at the door.

“Jaehwan, Hongbin?” Taekwoon’s voice floated through. Hongbin moved to the door and cracked it open. He smiled ruefully when he saw the flash of purple in Taekwoon’s eyes.

“We’re trying to air out the room, hyung,” he said. Taekwoon nodded.

“Open all the windows, and turn on the fan. Put Hakyeon on the bed next to the window, that should help,” he directed, his voice strained. Hongbin nodded and did as the alpha said. When they had fixed the room as best they could, Taekwoon, Wonshik and Sanghyuk came in. Taekwoon manhandled the two younger alphas to sit on the edge of the bed farthest from Hakyeon, and then stood ominously beside them. Hongbin grabbed Hakyeon’s shoulders as soon as the omega registered the presence of his remaining bandmates in the room and tried to get up and move toward them. He sat down behind the older man and wrapped his arms around his shoulders.

“Hyung, calm down,” he murmured. “We need to talk about this before we can help you, so please calm down.” Hakyeon shuddered and heard himself whimper. The heat was searing, and he pressed back into Hongbin. The beta was sturdy and broad at his back, and his arms were strong around his shoulders, but it wasn’t  _ enough _ , he wanted  _ more _ , needed it so badly.

Jaehwan took a long look at Hakyeon and ran out of the room. He came back quickly with a damp towel that he pressed to Hakyeon’s forehead and gently wiped down the sides of his face and neck, over his collarbones and shoulders. Hakyeon gasped and flinched away, but then he closed his eyes and leaned into the cold touch, quiet whimpers falling from his lips. He was flushed and sweaty, and the scent of omega and heat was heavy in the room. Jaehwan swallowed hard and clenched his jaw. Betas weren’t anywhere near as affected by omegas in heat as alphas were - generally it depended on the strength of the heat and the depth of the relationship between the beta and the omega. If there was romantic or sexual tension between them, then the beta would feel the effects more strongly. This heat smelled like nothing Jaehwan had ever even heard of, let alone experienced. It was almost tangible, hanging heavy and thick in the air. Cloyingly sweet and musky, and off - something about it was wrong, and Jaehwan but his lip and blinked rapidly to hold back tears at the thought of what that was.

The beta turned to face the rest of the room. Taekwoon was standing, feet apart and arms crossed tightly over his chest, his jaw clenched and brow furrowed, neck tense. Wonshik and Sanghyuk were on the bed beside him, clutching each other and trying to keep themselves seated and coherent. Hongbin was wrapped around Hakyeon from behind, the same look in his eyes that Jaehwan was sure was in his own. And Hakyeon was wrapped in a sheet, eyes closed and breathing heavily. Jaehwan swallowed.

“Hyung?” he murmured. Hakyeon leaned toward his voice. Jaehwan took this as a good sign. “Hyung,” he said again, “we need to talk about this.” The omega’s eyes snapped open. Jaehwan could see the haze in them, and he could see Hakyeon fighting to remain alert. He took a moment to be amazed at the incredible strength that must take, and what that said about Hakyeon himself, that he had been doing this for so long. He continued. “We need to know how to help you, and we need to know what’s going on,” he said gently. Hakyeon stared at him for a moment, and then his eyes flicked around the room. He seemed to be shrinking in on himself, and the smell of fear was seeping through the room to mingle with the smell of heat.

“I - ,” Hakyeon started. He snapped his mouth shut almost as soon as he spoke. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes before trying again. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. Jaehwan flinched back, confused, and glanced at Taekwoon. He knew what Hakyeon was apologizing for, but he didn’t know how to grapple with that apology in the face of his heat. Taekwoon strode forward and gently pulled Jaehwan away. The large alpha knelt in front of Hakyeon and reached out to grab his neck and make the omega meet his eyes.

When Taekwoon’s hands touched Hakyeon’s skin, the omega stiffened like a board, a gasp falling from his lips. The smell of heat in the room intensified, and Hakyeon’s eyes glazed over and flashed a deep, intense blue. He whimpered and leaned into Taekwoon, reaching out for him and grasping at his shoulders. The sheet fell from his body and settled around his waist, and Taekwoon breathed shakily, his eyes darting down the expanse of tan skin and lean muscle before he shook himself and looked up into Hakyeon’s eyes.

“Hakyeon, listen to me,” he said quietly. His words were layered with alpha authority, and Hakyeon gasped and gripped his shoulders, nails digging in through his shirt. He met the alpha’s eyes and nodded slowly. “We can talk about your apology later. Right now, you’re hurting and you need help. You need to tell us what you want, as much as you can.” He spoke slowly, clearly. Hakyeon stared at him, wide-eyed.

“I - I - wh-what do you mean?” he stammered.

“How can we help you, Yeonnie?” Taekwoon asked gently. “Who do you need? What do you normally do for your heats?” Hakyeon shook his head.

“I don’t - I’ve n-never - ” He stopped and shook his head again, helplessly. Taekwoon stared at him.

“Hakyeon, are you saying you’ve never been in heat?” he asked slowly. Hakyeon nodded. There was a sharp gasp from the other side of the room, and Hongbin reflexively tightened his grip on Hakyeon’s shoulders. Taekwoon closed his eyes for a moment and then shook his head. “Ok. Ok. Can you tell me what you want right now, then?” he asked finally. “Do you want a person? Or should one of us find you some - some toys or something?” Hakyeon’s cheeks seemed to flush more, and Taekwoon’s face was red, too. Hakyeon shook his head quickly.

“No toys,” he murmured. Taekwoon nodded.

“Who, then?” he asked. Hakyeon shook his head helplessly again, and then let go of Taekwoon’s shoulders to bring his hands up to his hair.

It was finally sinking in - that he was in heat, that this was happening. It didn’t matter anymore that the others knew he was an omega, because he was  _ in heat _ , and it hurt and his body felt wrong and sweaty, and his thighs were slick and he could smell the alphas and betas, and their arousal smelled  _ so good _ , but he was  _ so scared _ and he didn’t know what to do and it was too much, and  _ how could he choose? _

And that was it, wasn’t it? How could he ever choose between his members, his wonderful, perfect members -  _ his pack, they were his pack -  _ when he could feel, deep in his belly where the heat was strongest, coiled and growing and boiling (and this wasn’t even the worst of it, he could tell, and it  _ terrified _ him), that he needed all of them? And how could he ask for that, ask for them all to help him, be with him, accept him like that, before they had ever talked it out? Before he had apologized, over and over again, for lying to them, deceiving them for so long?

He wound his fingers into his hair and shook his head. His breathing was harsh and he curled in on himself. He was whimpering, and tears were falling down his cheeks again, and the heat seemed to be spreading more -

and then there were cool hands rubbing over his arms, down his sides, across his back, and a soft, deep voice in his ear, whispering to him that it was alright, that they were here, that they would help him and  _ calm down, hyung. It’s going to be ok, I promise, just calm down, take a deep breath _ . And he did. He took one deep, shuddering breath, and then another, and then he looked up at Taekwoon again. The alpha smiled at him and moved one hand up to card through his hair.

“Who do you want, Hakyeonnie?” he asked again, so gentle. Hakyeon reached for him, even as he shook his head.

“Can’t - can’t choose, please, Woonie, I need - I need - ”

“What do you need, Yeonnie?” Taekwoon asked when Hakyeon broke off, gasping.

“Need all - all of you, please -,” he managed to stammer out. He felt the hands at his sides tighten their grip, and he heard sharp intakes of breath from behind Taekwoon. The alpha breathed in deep and nodded slowly.

“Ok,” he murmured. “If you need all of us, you’ll have all of us. Is that alright with everyone?” he asked the room. There was an almost instant chorus of  _ yes _ , and Taekwoon smiled and shook his head. Hakyeon gasped and stared, wide eyed.

“Wh-what?” he asked. “I can - I can have - really?” Taekwoon nodded, slowly, deliberately.

“Yes, Hakyeonnie, you can,” he said quietly. Hakyeon whimpered and reached out, and finally, finally, pulled Taekwoon forward and against him, and the alpha tilted his chin up and brought their lips together, and then he was kissing him, his beautiful, strong alpha was kissing him, and Hakyeon gasped as Taekwoon pressed closer, forcing his legs to spread, and forced the lengths of their torsos together. He tightened his grip on Hakyeon’s jaw and kissed him fiercely, a growl building in the back of his throat as he forced his tongue into Hakyeon’s mouth. Hakyeon felt a moan rip itself from his throat and then get lost in their breaths, and his hands came up to cling at Taekwoon’s shoulders. He was surrounded by him, all he could feel, smell, hear, taste was Taekwoon, and he loved it -

and then there was another pair of hands trailing over his skin, and another, and another, until he didn’t know how many people were touching him, whose hands belonged to whom. Long, cool fingers traced over his shoulders, and plush lips followed them, mouthing wet kisses into his skin. And calloused fingers -  _ Hongbin, Hongbinnie’s guitar callouses _ \- slid down his sides to where the sheet was wrapped around his waist. Hakyeon stiffened and whined as the fingers slid beneath the cloth, insistent and searching. More hands joined those ones, and these pushed the sheet away completely, and Hakyeon gasped as the cold air hit his lower body, and then again as he felt broad hands stroke down his thighs.

He was encased in heat; he could smell every one of them, feel them near him. The heat rushed through him, chasing down their touches, coiling wherever they made skin contact, surging as they dragged their lips over his body, and finally it was all too much and Hakyeon ripped his lips away from Taekwoon’s and tipped his head back onto Hongbin’s shoulder behind him, panting, eyes squeezed shut.

“Are you alright, hyung?” Hongbin murmured in his ear. He nodded frantically and turned his head to nose at the beta’s neck. He felt Hongbin chuckle, and then he was being lifted into the air. He yelped and his eyes flew open. He glanced around - Sanghyuk was holding him, tight against his chest, as the rest of them tore their clothes off and pushed two of the beds together. Hakyeon stared hungrily at them, whimpering when he saw them start to touch each other. Sanghyuk laughed and carried him closer. He settled him in Taekwoon’s lap this time. The alpha was sitting up against the headboard, and he pulled Hakyeon to sit with his back pressed against his broad chest. Hakyeon closed his eyes at the press of so much skin, and then jolted when he felt the hands return. He opened his eyes and smiled as he reached for his members, his pack, and they moved into his touch.

Sanghyuk pushed in close to his side and dragged his head around to press a hard, desperate kiss to his lips. He licked into his mouth and wound his fingers into his hair, tugging and holding him in place. Hakyeon was gasping when the youngest finally pulled away, and he groaned as Sanghyuk immediately began trailing his lips over his jaw and down his neck.

“You smell so good, hyung,” Sanghyuk murmured into his skin. “And you feel so good in our hands.” Hakyeon gasped and shuddered at the words - they were sweet, and genuine, and he reached out and wrapped his arms around Sanghyuk’s neck to pull him back up and kiss him again.

As he pressed closer into Sanghyuk’s arms, he yelped and shook in surprise as someone began kissing and sucking and biting their way over his hip, from the protruding hip bone inward, over the sensitive skin of his stomach to his bellybutton, and then down, and down, until they slid their mouth over him, and he cried out at the heat and the suction. He looked down and laughed breathlessly at the sight of Jaehwan almost smirking up at him.

There were more hands, everywhere on him - he arched his chest into Wonshik’s fingers and tongue flicking at his nipples, and tilted his head back as he felt Taekwoon and Sanghyuk both attack his neck. Hongbin pressed at his thighs, forcing him to spread his legs as far as they would go, so that he could settle next to Jaehwan. He smiled once up at Hakyeon, flashing his dimples, before he bent his head and began mouthing at the skin of his knee, and kissing and biting his way up Hakyeon’s inner thigh.

Hakyeon felt himself falling away from coherency as the heat swelled and swelled, getting hotter and hotter as they dragged him closer to the edge. He knew enough about heats to know that the first day was never as bad as the rest, and he was terrified of how intense the coming days would be if this was the least of it. He felt strange, hot and trembling and sweaty, already so pliant in their hands, desperate for their touch, their kisses. Part of him, under the rush of heat and sensation, was terrified of the days that would follow his heat, the conversation they would have to have, and what might come after. But that part was silenced by the incredible pleasure he could feel in every part of his body as they touched him, played him like an instrument.

He could hear them talking, murmuring words into his skin and his lips and his hair, talking quietly, breathlessly to each other, but the syllables faded into nonsense, a comforting hum as his breathing grew harsher, more ragged, and his skin grew hotter. He felt lips on his neck, soft and warm, sucking marks in a path down to his shoulder, and then there was a piercing pain as whoever it was sank their teeth into his skin for a moment. He cried out as the pain zinged through his body, heightening everything, and for an instant he felt a flickering presence at the edge of his consciousness, and he gasped again at the knowledge that  _ that was a bond _ , and one of them had almost claimed him. His body flashed hotter at the realization. His hips bucked up against the warmth of Jaehwan’s mouth. He reached up and back, grasping for Taekwoon behind him, solid and warm and quiet and so, so gentle. Long fingers grasped his hand and held it to a smooth cheek, and lips traced over his palm before he felt the other man kissing and sucking at his fingers.

“What is it, Hakyeon?” The soft voice carried through the haze of heat, and Hakyeon whimpered and pressed into the alpha’s hold.

“Please, Woonie, please, I need - need m-more, please, now, I can’t - ”

“Shh, darling, it’s alright, we’ve got you, we’ve got you,” Taekwoon murmured. He felt what he assumed to be the alpha’s other hand run down his side, caressing his hip and sliding under his body, and he whined and pressed into the touch. Taekwoon pressed his lips just below Hakyeon’s ear. “Relax, Hakyeon,” he murmured. Hakyeon nodded desperately and knotted his fingers into the sheets. He let his head fall back completely onto Taekwoon’s shoulder and gasped when he felt a long finger slide into his body. It was smooth, slick, his body’s natural lubricant easing the way and he marveled at it somewhere deep in his consciousness.

Taekwoon began moving his finger slowly in and out of him, steady and unrelenting. Hakyeon felt his body tensing and relaxing in turns, and when he felt a second finger pressing at his entrance he whimpered and pressed back into it. The slow motion continued, steady and unrelenting, in and out - and then Taekwoon pressed his fingers apart and Hakyeon jolted at the sensation. He whimpered and his hands tightened their grip on the sheets, and then he felt someone slide up the bed next to him and press themselves to his side. He glanced over and gasped as he watched Taekwoon press deep, demanding kisses into Hongbin’s mouth, the beta clutching at his shoulders with one hand while the other searched for Hakyeon's where it was tangled in the sheets. Hakyeon gasped and whined as he felt Hongbin squeeze his fingers and then trail his hand up his arm to his shoulder and then over and across his chest. He gasped and arched his back as Hongbin’s fingers joined Wonshik’s, toying with his nipples.

There were fingers everywhere, stroking, pinching, moving, and mouths with smooth tongues and hot breaths and he could feel Taekwoon’s fingers deep inside him, stretching him and stroking over a spot inside him that sent waves of hot, crashing pleasure coursing through him. He closed his eyes, his head fell back onto Taekwoon’s shoulder, and it was all he could do to draw in gasping breaths as the sensations built and built under his skin until he finally crashed over the edge.

Hakyeon cried out and tried to move his hips, half to warn Jaehwan and half to ask for help, for grounding, for someone to clutch his hand. His body tensed up and arched, and when he collapsed back into Taekwoon’s chest he was shuddering, over sensitive and exhausted, and he whimpered as the heat stirred in his belly again immediately. He felt large hands stroking up and down his sides. There was a weight on his hip, and when he looked down he saw Jaehwan resting his head there and staring up at him. When the beta saw him looking he grinned and licked his lips. Hakyeon gasped, his stomach clenching, as Jaehwan rose up onto his hands and knees and seemed to glide up Hakyeon's body to hover over him.

“You taste so good, hyung,” he murmured before he leaned down and pressed a sweet kiss to Hakyeon's lips. He moved his lips slowly, gently, and slowly grew more insistent, until he was licking into Hakyeon's mouth, his hands tangled in the omega’s hair. Hakyeon clutched at the beta’s hips and whimpered, tasting himself and Jaehwan and smelling them all, and the heat was spreading again, reaching long tendrils through his veins and heating his blood and his skin and his nerves, and then Taekwoon’s fingers began moving again - there were three now, when had he added a third? - and a rush of slick dripped from his body. Hakyeon squirmed and whimpered again. He wanted more,  _ needed _ more, but it was all too much, too new, and he felt like he was flying away, drifting up and into an unknown that he had no desire to explore. His fingers tightened their grip on Jaehwan’s hips. The beta sat back slowly and looked Hakyeon straight in the eye, searching his face carefully.

“Shh, hyung, it's alright,” he murmured. He slid his hands down to cup Hakyeon's face and stroked his thumbs over his cheekbones. “It's alright, we’ve got you.” Hakyeon gasped and pushed his face into Jaehwan’s palm. He felt a long arm wrap around him from behind and he leaned into Taekwoon’s embrace. His mouth opened and closed, no words coming to him but he needed to say something.

“What is it, hyung?” Sanghyuk asked him. Another arm snaked around his waist from the other side, wrapping him in a composite hug. He moved one hand from Jaehwan’s hip to tangle his fingers with the youngest alpha’s fingers. Sanghyuk squeezed them and leaned in to press a soft kiss to Hakyeon's cheek. “What do you need?” he asked. Hakyeon opened his mouth desperately, but all that came out was a whine as he felt Taekwoon’s fingers twist inside of him. Sanghyuk leaned up next to him and pressed his lips to Hakyeon’s temple. He murmured against the sweaty skin there. “Hyung, we can help you but you have to tell us what you need.”

“I - I need - inside, please, please - ” Hakyeon stammered. He felt Sanghyuk’s lips curve into a smile, and saw Jaehwan’s sunny grin.

“What do you need inside, hyung?” the boy on top of him asked. Hakyeon whined again, this time a petulant, frustrated sound. He turned his head and tried to look at Taekwoon.

“Woonie, please, no more teasing, I need more,  _ please _ !” he exclaimed. Taekwoon chuckled quietly and nodded.

“Alright, Hakyeon. Who do you want first?” Hakyeon squirmed and whined yet again at the prospect of trying to choose between them for a second time.

“I - I don’t - I don’t know, don’t care, I just want  _ someone _ , please, you’re all perfect, don’t make me choose, please don’t - ” He was babbling now, he knew it, and he cut himself off with a gasp as he felt Taekwoon’s long, slick fingers slide out of him. He tensed and squirmed at the empty feeling, and then gasped as he felt movement behind him and then something else, something thicker than a finger, nudging at his entrance. There were large hands on his hips, and then Jaehwan was stroking his fingers through his hair and Sanghyuk was mouthing kisses along his cheek and his jaw, and Hongbin had his mouth pressed to the crook of his neck, and he glanced wildly around, because where was Wonshik - he was there, draping himself over Jaehwan’s shoulders and smiling lazily at Hakyeon as one of his hands disappeared below Jaehwan’s body. The singer stiffened, and then arched back with a grin, and Hakyeon gasped as he realized what they were doing, and all this in the split second between Taekwoon lifting him just slightly, and then pulling his hips down and sliding inside of him and  _ oh. _

Hakyeon cried out, his hands flying out to grasp at anyone or anything he could find as he felt the thick length slide inside of him, steady and slow and relentless, until he felt his hips press flush with Taekwoon’s and he could feel the alpha impossibly deep inside of him. Everything stilled for a moment, and Hakyeon gripped tightly onto Jaehwan’s hip and Hongbin’s hand as he breathed hard for a moment, adjusting to the stretch.

“Are you alright?” Taekwoon asked quietly. Hakyeon nodded quickly, and then slowly rolled his hips down. He heard Taekwoon gasp, felt him tense, and he trembled at the sensations rushing through him. The heat was roaring, overpowering, growing more intense with every moment. And then Taekwoon began to move, and Hakyeon let out a broken, choked moan at the slide. With every thrust, the alpha brushed over the spot inside of him that sent sparks spiralling dizzily up his spine, and the big, familiar, beautiful hands at his hips gripped him tight, holding him down even as he felt like he might spin away. His head tipped back to rest on Taekwoon’s shoulder, and the alpha turned and smiled at him before pressing a deep kiss to his mouth.

Hakyeon groaned into it and pressed his head up weakly, responding as best he could. He gasped and froze when he felt Jaehwan lurch forward in his lap and latch his mouth onto one of his nipples. He could feel warm hands on his stomach, tracing down, down, past his bellybutton and between his hips to wrap around his length and squeeze. He drew in a ragged breath and rolled his hips again, his back arched and his chest pressing up into the heat of Jaehwan’s mouth.

“So pretty, hyung,” Hongbin whispered to him. Sanghyuk nodded on his other side.

“So sweet,” the youngest murmured. Hakyeon whimpered and struggled to move, to roll his body and chase the sensations, the touches, the kisses. He braced himself and circled his hips, whimpering as the pressure inside him shifted. Taekwoon gasped and tightened his hands on his hips.

“Fuck, Hakyeon,” he murmured. Hakyeon felt the alpha lean his forehead against the nape of his neck for a moment before he straightened up and began thrusting faster, harder, and Hakyeon could hear choked, high-pitched gasps filling the room, and it took him a moment to realize they were coming from him.

“How does it feel, hyung?” Jaehwan asked breathlessly. He was leaning back against Wonshik now, one arm reaching up and around Wonshik’s neck, the other hand clutching Hakyeon’s at his hip. Hakyeon could see Wonshik’s body moving, thrusting up into Jaehwan, his arm tight and strong around the beta’s waist. There was a snort from beside him.

“I knew something was going on between you two,” Sanghyuk said. Jaehwan grinned lazily at him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Hyukkie,” he said, his words punctuated by gasps and quiet moans. “We are simply overcome by our leader’s powerful scent.” Sanghyuk snorted again.

“Uh huh. And the purple marks I see on both your necks some mornings are just really bad bug bites.” Jaehwan winked and smiled beatifically.

“Exactly, maknae,” he said. He turned his attention back to Hakyeon, who was laughing (or trying to - he was gasping rather too much for it) at the exchange. Jaehwan shifted and braced his arms on Taekwoon’s shoulders. He leaned over Hakyeon and pressed a brief, sweet kiss to the alpha’s lips, pulling away with a smile before he leaned down to seal his lips over the omega’s. Hakyeon gasped and then whimpered as Jaehwan licked into his mouth again, insistent and fluid. And then Hakyeon stiffened and froze, a loud, broken moan tearing from his lips as he felt someone’s fingers - he had no idea whose, not anymore, and anyway it didn’t matter - pressing at his entrance, feeling around and flirting with pushing inside him alongside Taekwoon. He gasped and pressed back into the touches.

There was a grunt of surprise from beside him (that was Sanghyuk, it must be his fingers, then), and then the fingers were slowly sliding inside him. Hakyeon gasped and felt tears prick his eyes at the intensity, at the fullness, at the friction.

“Please, please - more, Hyukkie, please,” he gasped into Jaehwan’s mouth. Jaehwan pulled back, confused, and raised an eyebrow at the youngest. Sanghyuk only smirked, and then Taekwoon was cursing and Hakyeon was crying out as the younger alpha curled his fingers, and Hakyeon was pulled up and up and up, all over again, closer to the edge, higher and higher - and then his whole body spasmed, tensed and let go, and he fell back against Taekwoon’s broad chest again, limp, exhausted, oversensitive. He whined quietly as Sanghyuk slid his fingers out of him, and squirmed uncomfortably as he felt the heat rise again in his belly. It boiled and bubbled and shot through his veins, down his limbs, until he was writhing again, desperately pushing into every touch and kiss. His skin was damp with sweat, his hair matted and his cheeks flushed, and Jaehwan, looking down at him, thought he had rarely been so beautiful. The thought echoed around the room, until Wonshik finally voiced it.

“So pretty, hyung,” he murmured. He was still moving, holding Jaehwan tight against him as the beta rolled his hips back to meet him. But his eyes were on Hakyeon, and they sharpened when Taekwoon began to move. Hakyeon was too tired at this point to offer much assistance, but the alpha didn’t seem to mind. He braced himself on the bed and lifted Hakyeon’s hips, and then began thrusting up into him in earnest. Hakyeon was whimpering still, his body tingling, and then he felt it, felt Taekwoon swelling up against him, felt him pushing against his body, pushing inside of him. It felt like nothing he had ever imagined, and then the alpha pushed completely inside of him and couldn’t pull out again. Hakyeon cried out, his back arched, and he reached out and desperately grasped at Hongbin’s hand.

“Is it happening, hyung?” Sanghyuk whispered in his ear, his voice deeper and more mature than Hakyeon thought the maknae had any right sounding. He whimpered. “Did Taekwoon hyung get his knot into you? Does he feel good?” Hakyeon gasped. His head fell back onto Taekwoon’s shoulder.

“Well? Does it feel good?” Taekwoon asked him quietly. Hakyeon whined and nodded frantically as the alpha rolled his hips into him, nothing more than grinding into him now, as he couldn’t pull out anymore. Hakyeon felt so full, to beyond bursting, as the alpha pressed harder and harder into him, his hands a vice grip on Hakyeon’s hips.

“Taek-Taekwoon, Woonie, please, please - ” he gasped, incoherent. The heat was bubbling, hotter and hotter, and his breath was coming more and more ragged. He could hear high-pitched whimpers and whines reverberating around the room, and after a moment he realized they were coming from his own throat. Sanghyuk’s lips were at his throat, and there were hands on his hips, on his stomach, fingers pinching and pulling at his nipples. He could hear Jaehwan talking to him, his words probably filthy, his voice pitched low, but Hakyeon couldn’t make them out over the ringing in his ears as the five of them dragged him higher again, up and up, and he tried to gasp out that it was too much, that his body felt like a string drawn too tight, that it would snap at any moment, but he couldn’t speak past the gasps and whines, and finally he cried out as he tensed and released once more.

Hakyeon fell back against Taekwoon’s chest, panting and sweaty. He squirmed as the alpha continued rolling up into his body, chasing his own release. He could feel Sanghyuk and Hongbin against them on either side, both of them rubbing against his and Taekwoon’s bodies. He turned his head and reached out for Sanghyuk, pulling him into a kiss as he reached down and gripped his length tightly. Sanghyuk gasped into his mouth and gripped his hair as he stroked him firmly. The maknae came over his fingers as Jaehwan cried out above him, and Hakyeon pulled back gently to catch his breath. Jaehwan rolled to the side and settled against Sanghyuk, the two of them finally quiet, and Wonshik moved farther up Hakyeon’s body. He smiled sweetly at the omega.

“I don’t think I’ve gotten to kiss you yet, hyung,” he said. Hakyeon smiled back and shook his head, reaching out for him. His hands slid over broad shoulders as Wonshik leaned into him, bracing his hands on the bed. He pressed their lips together, immediately pushing his way into Hakyeon’s mouth, his tongue slow and languid. Hakyeon moaned and held tight, and whined as he felt Wonshik grinding his hips against him, pushing against his stomach. He slid one hand down and grasped at the alpha’s length, stroking him. Wonshik moaned, his voice deep and gravelly, and Hakyeon wove the fingers of his other hand into the alpha’s short hair and tugged gently. Wonshik gasped and his body released, and he pulled away from the omega. He pressed one more kiss to his lips, and then to the tip of his nose. Hakyeon laughed and swatted at him as he moved away.

As soon as Wonshik was gone, Hongbin seemed to glide up to straddle Hakyeon’s legs. He loomed over him, his hands on Taekwoon’s shoulders. He pressed his body up against Hakyeon’s and stretched his neck over his shoulder to kiss Taekwoon behind him. Hakyeon gasped at the sudden, immense skin contact. He turned his head and watched as they kissed, amazed at Hongbin’s easy submission, even as Taekwoon panted into the kiss, his brow furrowed and sweaty as he continually rolled up and into Hakyeon’s body. Hongbin pulled back and moved to Hakyeon’s lips, leaning over him and pushing him back flush with Taekwoon’s chest as he kissed him and wove his fingers through the strands of Hakyeon’s hair to hold his head still.

“Help me, hyung?” he murmured, winking when Hakyeon scoffed at the line. The omega smiled and slid one hand up to stroke at the beta’s neck. “You help me, I’ll help you. The heat is coming back, isn’t it?” Hakyeon paused and thought about it, and winced when he realized Hongbin was right. It was weaker, slower than before, but it was there. Hongbin smiled at him and reached up to take his hand and slide it down between their bodies to grip at both of their lengths and begin stroking. Hakyeon gasped. He was over-sensitive and tired, and it felt like every nerve ending in his body had travelled to Hongbin’s hand and were following it like magnets. He reached down with his other hand and grabbed Taekwoon’s where it rested on his hip. The alpha twisted their fingers together and squeezed.

“Hong-Hongbin, please,” Hakyeon gasped weakly. Hongbin nodded, panting.

“I know, hyung, I know,” he said. He leaned down and kissed Hakyeon again quickly before pressing kisses down his cheek and jaw, and then down his neck to his shoulder. He pulled the skin there between his teeth and sucked, hard. Hakyeon yelped and tensed. He could feel Taekwoon inside him, big and long and overwhelming, and Hongbin over him, looming and all-encompassing. There were fewer separate stimuli than earlier, but he felt just as overwhelmed as the heat built yet again. He felt tears prick his eyes as the desperation took over again and pulled him up. His body was tensed and taught, and he was as exhausted as he had ever been after a dance practice. He felt himself shaking, almost vibrating out of his skin, and finally he felt himself fall, tensing up more, impossibly, before he relaxed and slumped against Taekwoon. The alpha shuddered and cried out quietly into Hakyeon’s neck as he finally stopped moving, pressed as deep as he could be. Hakyeon felt a flood of warmth inside of him and his cheeks seemed to grow more flushed than before.

Hongbin moved back to his lips and smiled into them before he straightened up and began to chase his own release on his own, staring hungrily down at Hakyeon the whole time. It wasn’t long before he gasped and spilled over the omega’s stomach, and he tiredly slumped to the side. He slid down and laid his head on Hakyeon’s leg. This seemed to be a signal for the other three to drag themselves over the bed and back to their side. Hakyeon felt sleep tugging at him, and he fought it only long enough to map where each of his members -  _ packmates _ \- laid their heads and then he slid into dreams.

He didn’t know how long he slept, but he dreamt in colours and sensations - confusing and disorienting, but somehow comforting. He could see wisps of creamy mist coalesce into a spinning ball that bounced around between deep green stripes and a splash of bright yellow. Behind all of them was a cloud of warm gray next to a spot of deep, deep purple. The colours moved, amorphous and alive, and he could feel each one of them. He could almost see a string between them, connecting them all, the ends of it loose and reaching out for him. He was reaching out for them, to grasp them and pull them closer, tie them together, because that was what they needed, he could feel it, and then there was a wave of heat and the colours wavered, and hands of fire reached down and dragged him out of his dream and back to the cabin, the bed, surrounded by his bandmates -  _ packmates _ , something insisted - the heat rushing through him, wild and untamed. He was writhing on the bed, tears in his eyes and desperately reaching out for someone, any of them, help him, help him  _ please _ \- and then Sanghyuk was there, wrapping long arms around him and pulling him up against a broad chest, stroking his back and reassuring him. Hakyeon fell into him gratefully, going where he directed and allowing himself to be manhandled and arranged by all of them as they answered his incoherent pleas.

Hakyeon lost track of the days, of who was holding him when, of who was inside him, over him, all around him. He knew it was one of them, all of them, and he knew he was safe. Beyond that all he knew was the heat and its demands as it rushed through his body. It was searing, boiling his blood and heating his skin.

He remembered bits and pieces. Being passed between each of the three alphas in succession, each one of them knotting him, holding him, one afternoon. Watching them with Jaehwan and Hongbin, the betas revelling in their control, as they were less affected by the heat. They wore sly smiles and smirks almost the whole time, obviously enjoying having the alphas dancing at their every whim. He remembered their smiles turning so sweet, so happy, as soon as they were turned on him. They handled him carefully, soft fingers and warm hands, combing through his hair and stroking his back and stomach - and then hot mouths and wicked teeth as they took him apart and put him back together while the alphas recuperated.

 

When Hakyeon finally woke up on his own, without the heat pulling him awake, he was exhausted, sore, and he felt filthy. He groaned quietly and tried to sit up, wincing as he did so. His movements woke Hongbin, who was sleeping beside him. The beta sat up and searched his eyes. He smiled.

“Over, huh?” he murmured. Hakyeon nodded tiredly. Hongbin shook Jaehwan awake and motioned for the other beta to get up. “Come on, hyung,” he said quietly. He reached out for Hakyeon and carefully helped him off of the bed. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” Hakyeon nodded and went quietly, leaning on them as they supported him to the shower. Once under the spray, Hakyeon leaned against Hongbin as Jaehwan carefully washed his skin and hair. They moved him under the spray completely to rinse him off, and then quickly washed each other. They helped Hakyeon back out of the shower and back to the bedroom. When they arrived, it was to Taekwoon quietly opening all of the windows and waking Sanghyuk and Wonshik. He herded them into the bathroom to wash off, and Jaehwan and Hongbin helped Hakyeon into a set of comfortable pyjamas before going to find some of their own.

Hakyeon leaned back against the headboard and closed his eyes. His mind drifted to the course of events before his heat and he winced. Now, after so long, he would finally have to tell them everything. The ease and willingness with which they had helped him through his heat comforted him slightly, but the insidious voice in the back of his mind whispered that that could have just been his omega heat scent, it might not have indicated any chance of forgiveness.

He was so lost in his thoughts that Hakyeon almost didn’t notice when the bed dipped and five other bodies settled onto it. He did, though, and glanced up at them quickly, before refocusing on his fingers.

“Now is when we have to focus on my apology, right?” he murmured.

“No, not an apology,” Taekwoon said. “I don’t think we’re angry with you. At least, not for anything but you hurting yourself. But we do deserve an explanation.” Hakyeon looked up again and looked around the circle. They each nodded.

“You’re an omega, hyung. We’ve known you for years, and we found out a week ago that you’re an omega,” Jaehwan said quietly. Hakyeon sighed.

“Alright. What do you want to know?” he asked.

“How have you never been in heat before?” Jaehwan asked quickly. Hakyeon smiled weakly and shrugged.

“When I was thirteen and I realized what I was, I figured out how to hide it before anyone else could figure it out. That was before my first heat, and I’ve been hiding it through different methods ever since,” he said.

“How?” Sanghyuk asked, incredulous. Hakyeon looked up at him.

“It’s surprisingly easy,” he said, shrugging. “There are herbs you can use, combine them just right and they suppress the biological components of being an omega. Heats, scent, and so on. The harder part is pretending to  _ be _ an alpha or beta. Having that presence. And, of course, not bowing down to alphas and betas.” It was silent for a moment.

“That’s what was making you sick, wasn’t it?” Sanghyuk asked. “Ignoring your heats, being an alpha, that’s what was hurting you.” Hakyeon nodded.

“Dr. Park said that my human side and my wolf side were misaligned,” he said. He saw Jaehwan open his mouth and continued. “He said that, when you’re a kid, the human and the wolf develop at different rates. That’s how a baby can walk and run as a wolf, but only crawl as a human. For omegas, the first heat is when that changes. It’s different for alphas and betas, but when we reach or first heat, it fuses the human and the wolf. So that we’re aligned, in one stage of development, and then from then on, both sides develop simultaneously.” Hakyeon stopped and took a deep breath. His eyes were trained on his fingers. “But I - I never went through my first heat. And after I realized I was an omega, I never shifted. So my wolf side never developed beyond puberty, but my human side continued. So - so my w-wolf is a - a baby,” he stammered, his eyes pricking with tears. “And I’m an adult. That’s what was making me sick, Hyukkie.”

Sanghyuk opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, lost for words. He looked stricken. “Hyung - hyung,  _ why? _ Why would you do that to yourself? You were hurting so much, I - ” He stopped. Taekwoon reached out slowly and pulled the younger alpha to his side and into his chest. Sanghyuk curled into him, his eyes bright with tears.

“It’s a good question, hyung,” Hongbin said. Hakyeon tore his eyes away from Sanghyuk and brought them to Hongbin. The beta looked solemn. “You told me a few days ago that you have a reason for doing what you’re doing. What - what was your reason?” Hakyeon stared at him for a moment, and then he sniffled loudly and looked away. He shrugged.

“I wanted to dance,” he murmured. “I wanted to dance and if I was an omega, my family never would have let me even try, let alone audition for an entertainment company. Never mind finding a company that would knowingly hire an omega. You know how the industry is.” He stopped. He glanced up at the rest of them briefly and shook his head.

“Hyung, you were hurting yourself,” Wonshik said quietly. “You were hurting yourself really badly. Was it really just for dancing?” Hakyeon laughed harshly, shaking his head.

“You don’t understand.” He stared down at his fingers and twisted them together. “My whole family are alphas and betas,” he said quietly. My dad is an alpha, my mom is a beta. My siblings are all alphas and betas. When I was a kid, all my parents could talk about was how proud they were of me and my dancing, and how they were sure I would be an alpha like dad. Some days they thought maybe I could be a beta, but mostly everyone was absolutely sure that Hakyeon would be an alpha. And I was, too. So I planned my life around that. And then I wasn’t an alpha, and I knew that they would never let me live my life the way I had planned if they knew. So I found out how to hide that I was an omega, and I hid it.” Hakyeon stopped talking and looked up at his bandmates. He could feel tears pooling in his eyes, and he knew that they still didn’t understand.

Hakyeon stood up abruptly and strode across the room to the window. He stood with his back to the room, watching the trees on the mountainside. “I’m a dancer. I’ve always been a dancer. Before anything else. Before I was a member of Vixx, before I was a singer, before wolf, before  _ omega _ \- I’m a dancer.” His voice was quiet and shaking, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. “I knew I was a dancer by the time I was four. Before I even really knew who  _ Hakyeon _ was, I knew I was a dancer. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. It’s what I’m good at, it comes naturally. And if my parents knew I was an omega, they would have kept me at home, surrounded by good china and recipe books and potential mates, and I would have ended up married to some financially stable alpha with three children and a house down the street from where I grew up. I can’t live like that, and I would rather live a shorter life, dancing on stage, than a long life without that.” He fell silent and leaned forward to rest his forehead against the window frame.

“I’m sorry that I’ve compromised my relationship with all of you because of this, but I can’t apologize for doing it. I don’t regret it, and I would do it again,” he said quietly. “You don’t have to understand, or forgive me, but please just - it’s over now, anyway, so stop worrying about me. I’ll be fine, I’ll figure out what to do next. Thank you for helping me with - with the last few days.” He felt his cheeks heat up and shook his head. He turned to face the room again and smiled weakly and then made to leave the room, but Taekwoon reached out and caught his arm and pulled him back.

“No, you don’t get to leave until this conversation is over,” the alpha said. He pulled Hakyeon to sit on the bed, and Hakyeon stumbled and ended up settled in his lap. He had a sudden intense memory of being in this position with decidedly fewer clothes on very recently and his cheeks flamed.

“Hyung - why do you think we’re angry with you?” Hongbin asked quietly. Hakyeon looked up at him, wide-eyed.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Just - we love you. And we worry about you all the time anyway, just for normal things, regardless of whether or not we know you’re suppressing your wolf. Why do you think that we’re mad at you for this?” Hakyeon stared at him.

“Hongbin - you’re a beta. And Jaehwan is a beta, and Taekwoon, Wonshik and Sanghyuk are alphas. And you all have let me be leader, followed me, thinking I was an alpha. And no you find out that I’m not an alpha, that I’m an omega. How are you not mad?” he asked incredulously. Taekwoon’s arms slid around his waist and pulled him tight against the alpha’s chest.

“Hakyeon, we dealt with the fact that you were best suited to being the leader years ago,” Taekwoon said. His voice was quiet and calm as he spoke, and Hakyeon could feel the vibrations of it against his back. “And yes, we thought that you were an alpha, but we didn’t agree to you being the leader based on how strong of an alpha you were. Out of all of us, Hongbin and Jaehwan included, you’re the one that is most able to be the leader. That doesn’t change because we find out you’re an omega. We have to talk about how things will be from now on, because even if you are the leader I am  _ not _ letting you go back on your suppressants. But we’re not angry with you. We love you.”

By the time Taekwoon had finished talking, the tears in Hakyeon’s eyes had spilled over. He covered his face with his hands. The bed shifted and Hakyeon felt someone take his wrists and pull his hands gently away from his face. Jaehwan was kneeling in front of them, leaning close to Hakyeon.

“Hyung, he’s right. We love you, so much,” he whispered. “I hate that you had to do this to yourself, but you survived and you achieved your dreams, and there are a lot of people not strong enough to survive this industry even when they were just being themselves.” Jaehwan stopped for a moment and stroked his thumb over Hakyeon’s cheekbone. “I have more respect for you now than I did before,” he said finally. “And we do have to talk, but not because we’re angry with you. We want to help you, and for us to help you, you have to talk to us.” Hakyeon stared at Jaehwan searchingly, looking for proof of what he was saying, and then he shifted his gaze and looked at each member, searching for the same. Wonshik nodded to him, Sanghyuk grinned. Hongbin reached for his hand and twined their fingers together, and Taekwoon pressed a soft kiss to his neck. He took a deep, shuddering breath and nodded.

“Ok. I - I can’t promise that it’ll be easy right away. This is - very new. No one but you five, Dr. Park and whoever has seen my tests knows,” he cautioned.

“We don’t expect it to be easy,” Taekwoon said. He shifted so he could look Hakyeon in the eye. “Now, you’re exhausted so I’m not going to drag you outside so you can shift today. Do you want to talk now or later?” he asked quietly. Hakyeon swallowed at the thought of shifting.

“I - now, I think,” he said. Taekwoon nodded.

“First things first: you are the leader of Vixx. That won’t change, not now, not ever, until you decide on your own that you don’t want the job anymore. We won’t question you, we’ll follow you. It doesn’t matter that you’re an omega, you’re the leader. Ok?” Taekwoon’s voice was firm, unyielding, and the other four members all nodded immediately. Hakyeon felt his eyes sting and he smiled shakily. He nodded.

“Thank you,” he murmured. Taekwoon nodded at him once.

“Good,” the alpha said. “The next question - I assume the reason you never brought up the idea of us being a pack is because you wouldn’t be able to create that bond.” Hakyeon looked down and nodded. Most idol groups with wolves in them became packs, simply because it was easier for them to work and live together that way. Hakyeon thought of his bandmates as his pack, but he had never even thought about actually making that a reality. As an omega, he would never be able to forge the bond. “Do we want to be a pack, then?” Taekwoon continued. Hakyeon’s breath hitched, and his heart clenched at the thought. He knew that he wanted it, wanted it so badly, but he also knew that that would necessitate a pack alpha - probably Taekwoon - and having two leaders would be difficult.

“I do,” Sanghyuk said quickly. Hakyeon looked up at him. The youngest looked almost eager, staring between all of the rest of them. “I - I want us to be a pack. We pretty much are, anyway, just - minus the bond.” Hongbin nodded.

“I want to be a pack, too,” he said quietly. He leaned his body carefully against Hakyeon and nuzzled into the omega’s neck. Jaehwan grinned widely.

“I want to be a pack,” he said. “I already think of you all that way, anyway.” Wonshik agreed.

“Ok,” Taekwoon said. “I would like that, too. Hakyeon,” he said seriously. Hakyeon looked up at him. “Do you want us to be a pack?” Hakyeon nodded immediately. “You understand that that means that, while you are the leader of Vixx, someone else will be pack alpha?” Hakyeon nodded.

“I know. It’ll be hard, and we won’t get it right immediately, but I think we could work it out,” he said. Taekwoon nodded. “The pack alpha would be you, wouldn’t it, Taekwoonie?” Hakyeon murmured. “You’re the oldest alpha. Are you sure you’re ok with that?” Taekwoon nodded.

“I am. Like Hyukkie said, we’re already almost a pack. I do most of what a pack alpha does already.” Hakyeon nodded.

“I don’t think we can entirely talk out the logistics of that now,” Hongbin said. “We don’t really know what kinds of things we might need to talk about. We won’t until the bond is forged and we have to test it.” Taekwoon nodded.

“I agree. So we should forge it as soon as possible, to make sure the first test isn’t in a situation where Hakyeon could be found out and potentially hurt. Which leads me to my next question - I assume you want to keep this a secret, Hakyeonnie?” he asked. Hakyeon nodded.

“For now, yes.”

“How should we do that?  _ Without _ suppressants,” Hongbin asked him.

“The last few years I’ve been using a combination of suppressant pills, not shifting, and a soap that makes me smell like an alpha. When you were noticing my scent changing, I think it was my body burning away the soap somehow. I use it everytime I shower. If I just use the soap to suppress my scent, and then just act the way I have been the last four years, that should be enough.” He looked around at each of them as he explained. Taekwoon was nodding slowly.

“The soap doesn’t hurt you, does it?” Wonshik asked. Hakyeon shook his head.

“Leading up to my - my heat it did. But never before then,” he reassured him.

“We’ll see how that works, then? If we need help we can always go to Dr. Park,” Wonshik said. Hakyeon agreed.

“Last question then, Hakyeon,” Taekwoon said. Hakyeon looked up at the alpha and raised an eyebrow when he saw he was blushing. “You will have more heats,” he continued.

“Ah,” Hakyeon said, blushing himself now and looking down. “You - you guys don’t have to worry about that, I can get - get… I don’t know, toys or something. I’ll figure something out.” He wanted, so,  _ so  _ desperately wanted to spend every heat with all of them, for them to hold him and kiss him even when he wasn’t in heat, but he wouldn’t ask that. He wouldn’t tie them to him that way. He was still broken, no matter that he wasn’t actively pretending not to be an omega anymore, and they all deserved better than him.

“Is that what you want, hyung?” Sanghyuk asked quietly. Hakyeon forced himself to look up at the young alpha. His brow was furrowed and he looked sad. “For us to let you deal with it?”

“I - y-yes,” Hakyeon stammered, trying to sound decisive. He winced as soon as he spoke, and saw Sanghyuk’s eyes narrow and then a sly grin slide onto his face. The youngest leaned up onto his hands and knees and crawled across the bed to Hakyeon and Taekwoon. He stopped with his face inches away from Hakyeon’s and stared at him.

“Are you sure?” he asked, and Hakyeon shuddered at the feel of his breath against his lips. The arms around his waist squeezed once.

“I don’t think he is, Hyukkie,” Taekwoon said, a smile in his voice. Hakyeon could feel and see them all closing in on him, pressing as close as they could, and then Taekwoon reached up and turned his head and he was staring up into dark purple eyes that gazed searchingly into his own. And then Taekwoon leaned down and pressed their lips together, soft and sweet and Hakyeon felt all the tension leave him as he whined and stretched up into it, pressing closer and closer, as close as he could. And then there were hands on him, pulling at his clothes, stroking his skin and his hair, and he could feel them holding him, maneuvering him, soft, full, chapped lips pressing kisses along his shoulders, down his side, up his neck, down his spine.

He heard himself laugh as they stretched him out on the bed, this time on his back, laid out for all of them, and Hongbin stretched out beside him, long limbs and pale skin and a beautiful, warm smile pressed into his temples and his cheeks, and he felt warm - just warm, he realized. There was no heat, just the warmth of their hands - someone’s fingers inside of him again, someone’s tongue on his chest.

Hongbin pulled Hakyeon’s head to the side as Jaehwan stretched over the omega, rolling his hips into him, and he smiled brightly at Hakyeon’s glazed eyes and sweaty temples. “Still so beautiful, hyung,” he said just before he kissed him. He could feel Sanghyuk behind him, draped over him, and he gasped and arched his back as he pushed into him. He could see Wonshik out of the corner of his eye, twined with Taekwoon, the two alphas kissing fiercely, and the beta gasped as he watched Taekwoon break away from Wonshik’s kiss and mouth down his throat, over his shoulder, down to the very top of his arm, just after the curve of his shoulder, and sink his teeth into the flesh there. Wonshik cried out and threw his head back, his other hand coming up to clutch at Taekwoon’s hair. The coppery scent of blood hit the air, and when Taekwoon pulled away and raised his head, his teeth bloody and his eyes blazing, Hongbin heard Hakyeon moan, loud and desperate.

Taekwoon pressed another kiss to Wonshik’s lips, this one demanding and hard, and when the younger alpha stiffened and then slumped against Taekwoon’s chest, he pushed him to lie down next to Hakyeon and pressed one more sweet kiss to his forehead before moving around behind Sanghyuk. Hongbin couldn’t see this time, but he knew the moment when Taekwoon claimed Sanghyuk by the gasp in his ear, the way Sanghyuk’s hips spasmed and Hakyeon’s mouth dropped open, the omega’s eyes trained just over Hongbin’s shoulder. He felt Sanghyuk kiss his shoulder and then pull away, exhausted. He reached out and squeezed his hand as the youngest crawled away to join Wonshik. He wondered where Taekwoon had placed his bite this time, but before he could think on it Jaehwan was pulling away from Hakyeon and almost launching himself at the broad alpha. Taekwoon huffed out a laugh and shook his head fondly as he caught him and wrapped his arms around him.

Jaehwan grinned down at the alpha. “I’m next, right?” he asked. Taekwoon nodded indulgently and laughed again as Jaehwan surged forward to kiss him. Hakyeon shook his head fondly and laughed, his gaze becoming more alert. Hongbin leaned over him and kissed him.

“Enjoying yourself, hyung?” he asked. Hakyeon smiled widely and nodded. They both turned back to the show when Jaehwan gasped. His back was stiff, his neck taught, and Taekwoon’s teeth were buried in the inside of his forearm. When he lifted his head, Jaehwan relaxed, panting. Taekwoon reached up and stroked his hair fondly and kissed his forehead. The beta smiled up at him and leaned up to press a soft kiss to his lips before he slid off of his lap and moved sluggishly to curl up with Wonshik and Sanghyuk. They pulled away from each other and pulled him between them, warm and big and secure, and Jaehwan smiled as he nuzzled into the space they made for him. Wonshik pulled at his arm and brought the wound up to his lips. He licked at it, trying to help it close, and then the licks turned to kisses and he moved up Jaehwan’s arm and over his shoulder. The beta laughed and grabbed his chin to pull him up to his lips faster.

Meanwhile, Taekwoon had pulled himself across the bed again and reached out for Hongbin. The younger beta went willingly, falling into his arms and moulding his body to the alpha’s. Hakyeon whined and reached out for him as the warmth of his body left him, but he let him go and watched hungrily as Taekwoon traced big hands over Hongbin’s body. He was almost mapping the beta’s body, tracing down his arms and around his sides to his back. Hakyeon watched as he slid his fingers down Hongbin’s back, down, down, and then they were sliding up into his body. Hongbin’s head rolled back lazily, his arms coming up to drape around Taekwoon’s shoulders.

Compared to Wonshik and Sanghyuk, alphas, and Jaehwan, enthusiastic and loud in everything he did, Hongbin was quiet. He moved slowly, deliberately, almost lazily pushing back against Taekwoon’s fingers and forward into his chest. Taekwoon began trailing kisses down the beta’s neck, over his collarbones, bending his body back to get to his nipples. Hongbin gasped and clutched at Taekwoon’s hair, and Hakyeon watched, waiting, as Taekwoon pushed the beta onto his back and trailed his mouth lower, lower. He pulled one of Hongbin’s long legs up and over his shoulder and kissed up his thigh and down to his calf, and then Hongbin cried out for the first time as Taekwoon sank his teeth into Hongbin’s calf and twisted his fingers inside of him. The beta shuddered and released all over his stomach, and when Taekwoon pulled away he reached out with grabby hands, grasping for Taekwoon again. The alpha smiled down at him and stretched over him. He kissed him gently and when he finally pulled away and began crawling up towards Hakyeon, Hongbin followed. He collapsed beside the omega and stretched out beside him again.

“What does it feel like?” Hakyeon asked him breathlessly. Hongbin grinned and shook his head.

“Amazing. I guess you’ll just have to wait and see for yourself,” he said. Hakyeon laughed and looked up at Taekwoon. The alpha had a small smile on his face and his eyes were dark purple. He was stretched out over the omega, balancing his weight on one hand and staring darkly down at Hakyeon.

“Where are you going to bit me, alpha?” Hakyeon asked, his smile light and playful. Taekwoon snorted.

“If I could,” he murmured, “I would bite you right here.” He pressed his lips to the side of Hakyeon’s neck, high up where no collar would ever hide it. Hakyeon gasped and shuddered. “In plain sight, so the whole world could see that you’re mine,  _ ours _ .” He pulled back. “I can’t do that, if we’re going to protect you, pull this off. But,” he smiled wickedly, “I can make sure that you won’t go a moment without remembering who you belong to. They say that claiming bites stay sensitive, no matter what. Shall we test that theory?” Hakyeon’s breath was ragged, his chest heaving, as Taekwoon slid back down his body and settled between his legs. He pushed them as far apart as they would go ( _ “So flexible, our beautiful dancer,” he murmured _ ) and kissed down his hip bone, to the top of his thigh, and down to his inner thigh, where the skin was thin and sensitive and soft, and Hakyeon gasped as his hands flew to the alpha’s hair. Taekwoon grinned up at him. Large hands came up and gripped his hips, holding him still as the alpha sucked and bit lightly at his skin.

Another hand settled on his side - Hongbin, Hongbin’s fingers - and they trailed down over his hip and pressed between his body and the mattress. Hakyeon gasped as they slid over his entrance, and he could feel the slick starting to spill out of him. Hongbin leaned up and over him, smiled his beautiful smile as he pushed his fingers into Hakyeon’s body, and Hakyeon gasped and tensed and then cried out as Taekwoon sank his teeth into his thigh seconds later.

There was a split second of pain, and then Hakyeon could feel the magic take over, the magic inherent in their bodies, as Taekwoon claimed him. Something flickered at the back of his mind, blinked into existence and then out, in and out, flickering for a moment before taking hold and blooming, bright and overpowering. For a moment all he could feel was Taekwoon, dark and quiet and solid, but then, slowly, they all started pushing through - first Hongbin, warm and bright, creeping, lazy. And then Sanghyuk, eager and fresh, bursting into his mind. Wonshik was next, warm like Hongbin but steady, alert. And finally Jaehwan, bright and sweet.

Hakyeon could feel himself shaking, falling apart and the being put back together, and when he fell back into himself and opened his eyes on the bed in the cabin, he could swear that the room was brighter, the light warmer. He turned his head to the side and was met with Taekwoon’s smiling face. He smiled back, slowly, as he felt for the bond at the back of his mind. He pulled at each one of his band mates and laughed when he felt and heard their responses. Taekwoon chuckled and shook his head before sitting up.

“Come on, we should get cleaned up,” he said. Hakyeon whined and turned away to curl into Hongbin’s body on his other side. The beta laughed and wrapped his arms around him. “Oh no, you don’t,” Taekwoon said quickly as they both closed their eyes. Hakyeon yelped as Taekwoon slid an arm around his waist and picked him up off of the bed.

“Woonie! Put me down!” he yelled. He could hear the rest of them -  _ the rest of his pack, and wasn’t wonderful to be able to say that _ \- laughing as Taekwoon carried him to the bathroom. They followed after, slowly, straightening up the bed as they went. They all took turns showering, though no one was ever alone. When they had all finished, the sun was low in the sky. Sanghyuk grabbed Hongbin and ran out the door where they both shifted. Wonshik grinned and followed them out and shifted as he leapt off the porch and tackled Sanghyuk. They tumbled to the ground and rolled. Hongbin ran after them and leapt on top of both of them.

“I’m making dinner, so don’t play too long!” Taekwoon yelled after them. Jaehwan grinned at the alpha.

“I’ll make sure they come back soon,” he said as he walked toward the door. Taekwoon glared and raised an eyebrow. Jaehwan made a heart. Taekwoon scoffed and walked into the kitchen. Hakyeon followed him and sat down at the counter.

“You could go out and play with them, you know,” Taekwoon murmured as he pulled out ingredients for dinner. Hakyeon smiled and shook his head.

“I feel much better, but I don’t think I can shift yet. Maybe not ever,” he said. Taekwoon glanced at him over his shoulder. The omega was tracing designs on the countertop, his face solemn. Taekwoon turned and leaned on the counter across from him.

“Hakyeon, Dr. Park told me that you need to shift in order to get better. And I doubt you’ll never be able to - as long as your wolf hasn’t faded away completely, you can. It might take time, and a lot of work, but we can help you.” Hakyeon looked up and smiled sadly.

“Maybe. But even if I do shift, I doubt I’ll ever be able to really play with them,” he said.

“What do you mean?” Taekwoon asked. Hakyeon sighed heavily and leaned back.

“When we did the meditation exercises, I always ended up in a clearing. That’s where my wolf is. But it’s - it’s a baby. It’s so small, Woonie. And it’s weak. I spent so long pushing it away, it’s become weak and sick, and I don’t know if it will ever be very strong.” Hakyeon blinked furiously, willing away tears as he spoke. Taekwoon straightened up and walked around the kitchen to wrap his arms around Hakyeon and pull him close.

“So? You don’t need to be physically strong. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met, and that won’t change just because your wolf can’t physically do everything Wonshik, Sanghyuk, Jaehwan and Hongbin can do. And as for playing with them, they’re smart, they’ll learn your limits. It’ll be easier to help you shift now, too. The pack bond means we can do more than just try to trigger a physical response, now we can actually help you draw your wolf out.” Taekwoon’s voice was quiet and warm, and Hakyeon latched onto it. He squeezed his eyes shut tight and turned his head into the alpha’s chest.

“Promise?” he whispered. Taekwoon kissed the top of his head and nodded.

“Promise.”

 

Half an hour later, when Taekwoon pulled on the pack bond for the first time to call the others back for dinner, Hakyeon was setting the table and laughing with the alpha. He had a real smile on his face, wide and bright, his cheeks lifted and his eyes scrunched into crescents. He draped himself over Sanghyuk’s broad shoulders as soon as the younger alpha walked in the door, cooing over him and bothering him the way he always did. Sanghyuk stared at him for a moment, and began loudly complaining, half-heartedly trying to push the omega off of him. He grinned brightly as he sat down (next to Hakyeon, at the older’s insistence), his grin mirrored all around the table.

“Yah, stop fussing over me and pass the soy sauce,” he said loudly. Hakyeon gasped, mortally offended.

“That is hyung, to you mister!” he yelled as he grabbed the soy sauce and the kimchi and moved them both closer to Sanghyuk. The youngest grinned, unashamed, and leaned his head onto Hakyeon’s shoulder for a moment before turning back to his food. Hakyeon scoffed and sputtered and tried desperately to keep his lips from turning up into another of his wide, bright smiles.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness, it has been SO long. I am so very, very sorry. Good news: I am now a college graduate! I have a degree! Set for life. Not really. This summer has been hectic, as I moved back to Colorado and I have been figuring out what on earth to do next. These are poor excuses for the frankly horrifically long time since I last updated, especially considering how short this chapter is. But it's something! And I'm actively working on it again, so updates should pick up.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who commented in this long interim, I have fallen behind on responding but I read every one of them and they make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You all are the best. To everyone who reads, but doesn't comment, you're just like me and you are also the best.
> 
> If you are actually still waiting for this update, my deepest apologies and I hope this is at least sort of ok. I promise I am already hard at work on the next chapter! But enough of this note. Enjoy the chapter, and much love to each and every one of you!

Hakyeon woke up to heat again. For a moment, he wondered through the haze of sleep if he was still in heat, if he had dreamed everything, and then something shifted behind him and he felt hair in front of his nose and he realized that this heat was outside, over his skin not under it, and it felt right as he relaxed back into the warmth behind him (someone’s solid chest, he now realized). He sighed happily as he felt an arm around his waist tighten and pull him close, and the head tucked under his chin moved slowly away. Hakyeon opened his eyes and smiled down at Hongbin. He bit his lip to stifle an elated giggle as Hongbin smiled his dimpled smile up at him. The beta’s smile stretched into a grin and he shifted up and forward to press a sweet, lazy kiss to Hakyeon’s lips. Hakyeon slid his arms around Hongbin’s waist and held tight, and only jumped a little when he felt soft kisses being trailed over the back of his neck. He reached back and stroked over the person’s jaw, before sliding his fingers into their hair. He pulled away from Hongbin and twisted to look behind him. Sanghyuk grinned and tightened his arms around his waist. Hakyeon laughed and stretched his neck to press a kiss to his lips.

“Morning, Hyukkie,” he said. Hongbin grumbled and pressed closer to his front, sliding his own arms around the omega’s waist. Hakyeon laughed again. “Ah, I see the cuddle bug hasn’t passed. You two are never this clingy.” Hongbin craned his neck back and raised an eyebrow.

“Are you complaining?” he asked archly. Hakyeon gasped and flung his arms around Hongbin’s shoulders, squeezing tight.

“Never!” he exclaimed. “I love it, and I am going to take full advantage of it. I like the cuddles.” Sanghyuk laughed behind him and pressed a kiss to the base of his neck.

“I’m ok with these cuddles,” he said. Hongbin rolled his eyes at him.

“What, naked in bed cuddles?” he asked. Sanghyuk grinned shamelessly.

“Exactly.” Hakyeon scoffed.

“Well, I’m tired and comfortable and warm, so these naked in bed cuddles are going to stay cuddles, nothing else,” he said, and he relaxed further into the pillows and the two pairs of arms wrapped around him. He closed his eyes and smiled happily, and so didn’t see the fond smiles on both Hongbin and Sanghyuk’s faces. He felt them both press closer to him, twining their legs together and enclosing him in warm, smooth skin. Sanghyuk pushed his face into Hakyeon’s hair and closed his eyes as well. Hongbin tucked his head under Hakyeon’s chin and pressed his nose to the omega’s neck.

“That’s fine with me, hyung,” the beta murmured.

 

An hour later, when Taekwoon came into the room to wake Hakyeon and the two youngest members of their pack, he huffed and smiled fondly at the sight of the three of them fast asleep, wrapped around each other under the covers. He took a picture and sent it to Jaehwan and Wonshik, and then he moved into the room and gently shook Sanghyuk’s shoulder.

“Come on, Hyukkie, wake up,” he murmured. The younger alpha grumbled as his eyes fluttered open, and he glared blearily up at Taekwoon. Taekwoon grinned. “Breakfast is ready,” he said. He gestured to the other two and went to finish setting the table. Sanghyuk sighed and nodded. He slowly detached himself from Hakyeon and Hongbin and sat up. As he did, Hakyeon shifted backwards, his brow furrowing when the warm body he was looking for wasn’t there. Sanghyuk smiled and reached out to shake his shoulder.

“Wake up, hyung, breakfast,” he said. He reached across and shook Hongbin’s shoulder, too. The beta woke easily, and then they both turned to shaking Hakyeon gently. When he opened his eyes he glared at them. Hongbin smiled apologetically before he got up and went to grab clothes for them all. “Breakfast, hyung,” Sanghyuk said. Hakyeon nodded and rolled onto his back. He looked up at Sanghyuk and reached his arms up. He tugged on the back of the alpha’s neck and pouted. Sanghyuk snorted and leaned down. He pressed his lips to Hakyeon’s and kissed him softly. He felt Hakyeon sigh into it, his arms tightening, and he smiled.

“Yah, come on, you two!” Hongbin called from across the room. “None of that, at least not until you’re dressed and slightly less likely to jump each other.” Sanghyuk straightened up and rolled his eyes at the beta.

“You know that clothes just mean we get to undress each other, which is plenty of fun on its own, so being dressed doesn’t mean much,” he said. Hakyeon laughed as he sat up as well. He pressed a soft kiss to Sanghyuk’s shoulder and then pushed himself out of bed. He grimaced as he stood, but waved away the two younger boys’ concern.

“I’m fine, don’t worry. I just haven’t really stood since the beginning of my heat, and a lot has happened since then to make me sore,” he said pointedly. Hongbin ducked his head and smiled, and Sanghyuk grinned shamelessly from the bed. Hakyeon huffed and shook his head. He reached out and yanked the blankets off of the youngest. “Come on, you, we’ve been in that bed for much too long. Up, up, get dressed, come on!” He smiled and laughed fondly as Sanghyuk grumbled. They managed to get dressed with minimal teasing and play fighting, and they arrived at the table just as Taekwoon was setting out plates.

Breakfast was happy, loud and playful. Jaehwan and Sanghyuk were loudly teasing as many of the others as they could, with Hongbin throwing out sharp comments every now and then, to either help or hinder their efforts. Wonshik mostly just laughed at them, though he joined in every now and then to throw barbs at Jaehwan and Sanghyuk themselves. Taekwoon was quiet, watching the rest of them, and Hakyeon was basking. He felt hungry for the first time in ages, and before he knew it his plate was empty and he was reaching for more.

Taekwoon smiled softly when this happened, relieved that the omega was showing signs of recovery so quickly. He wouldn’t tell Hakyeon, not so soon after the ordeal they had all just survived, but the last few months had been scary, and he wanted to leave them behind as quickly as he could. He never wanted to see Hakyeon weak enough that he couldn’t walk on his own ever again. The image of him, pale and sweating and in pain, lying on the couch and unable to sit up without help, was a horrifying opposite to Hakyeon himself, the bright, warm, strong dancer with beautiful tan skin and sparkling eyes, alive with excitement and passion for his job and the people in his life.

Hakyeon caught the smile on Taekwoon’s face and grinned brightly at him. They were next to each other, and Hakyeon leaned sideways and rested his head on the other man’s shoulder. Taekwoon looked down at him and pressed his lips to Hakyeon’s hair quickly, softly, before turning back to his food as if nothing had happened. Hakyeon grinned and turned his head to kiss the alpha’s neck, before he sat up and finished his breakfast. He felt joyful and warm, knowing that they all knew what he was and loved him anyway, feeling them all in the back of his mind, bright and familiar and dear. He was amazed at how normal it felt, laughing and joking with his members, reprimanding them playfully, poking fun at them. The anger he had been so afraid of, and the subsequent domination, was nowhere to be found. He could tell that they were all looking at him differently, fonder, softer, but that, he thought, had as much to do with the week of sex that had just passed as his newly revealed status.

When breakfast was over and the table cleared, Taekwoon turned to Hakyeon. “Do you feel up to another meditation?” he asked gently. Hakyeon tensed. The alpha reached out and stroked a large hand through his hair, combing gently through it before allowing his palm to rest on the back of Hakyeon’s neck. It was warm and solid, and Hakyeon gasped and pushed back into it, his eyes sliding closed as he felt his bond with Taekwoon light up with reassurance and care and love - so  _ much _ love, so fierce, and bright, and strong, so  _ loud _ for such a reserved man. “I still think they could help. And now that we know what you are, and you’ve had your first heat, we might be able to draw your wolf out more easily. Can we at least try?” he asked, almost wheedled. Hakyeon opened his eyes and glared at the alpha, and sighed.

“Alright. We can try,” he said. Deep down, he knew his apprehension was really just worry that nothing would have changed. That it was too late, and he had mutilated himself from suppressing his wolf for so long. He took a shuddering breath and reached out to grab Taekwoon’s sleeve as the alpha stood from the table. “Taekwoonie, I - ” he paused. Taekwoon took his hand and squeezed it. Hakyeon looked up at him. “I just want to make sure you don’t get your hopes up. It’s so sick, Woonie. I’ve hurt it so much, and it’s still just a baby. Even if I do manage to shift, I - I don’t think it will ever be entirely well again. And I’m scared because I don’t know what that means for me.” Hakyeon felt his eyes sting and prick and he blinked impatiently. It only seemed to bring more tears, and he fought to keep them from falling. Taekwoon sat down again slowly, and he reached out and pulled Hakyeon into his chest.

“I know,” he murmured. Hakyeon stiffened and stared up at him. “I can feel something - something off, in the bond. I don’t know if the others can feel it, but I can tell the difference between your wolf and theirs. You feel - not weak, definitely not that, but - I don’t know, sort of brittle? Like you could break if someone pushed you too hard.” Hakyeon was sniffling as he listened. He hated knowing what he had done to himself, to his wolf. He wanted nothing more than to run with his pack, stretch his muscles and fly past them the way he knew he would, if he was whole. He had always been the fastest in his family. But he doubted he would ever be able to run as fast or as far or as long again. Taekwoon sighed and stroked his fingers through Hakyeon’s hair. They were quiet for a moment, and then Hakyeon sat up and shook his head. He smiled at Taekwoon and stood up, pulling the alpha with him.

“Come on, let’s get going,” he said. Taekwoon watched him carefully as they walked to the door. Hakyeon decided to forego shoes for the day and walked right outside. He stretched and Taekwoon smiled as he felt the omega reach out for the others through their new bond. Almost immediately, Sanghyuk and Jaehwan came tumbling out of the forest and bounding up to the porch. Hakyeon laughed as they came up and wound around him, nudging his hands with big wolf snouts. He scratched them gently behind their ears and stroked their necks. Hongbin and Wonshik followed at a slower pace, but they both pushed between the other two wolves, whining for attention. Taekwoon shook his head and laughed.

“Come on, guys, let’s go,” he said. He reached out and picked Hakyeon up to set him on Sanghyuk’s back again, and then shifted and leapt off the porch. He looked back once before running into the forest, checking that they were following.

When they reached the clearing, Hakyeon slid off of Sanghyuk’s back and looked to Taekwoon. “The same one as last time?” he asked. Taekwoon nodded and settled to the ground. Hakyeon smiled, sat down and leaned against him. He closed his eyes as the others settled around him, leaning against him and pushing as close as they could. He reached out and tangled is fingers in soft fur, not looking but able to tell that his right hand was resting on Hongbin’s shoulder, his left on Wonshik’s. He imagined himself sinking down, into the bond that was new and bright between the six of them. He could feel them around him, reaching for him, as they started the breathing pattern. In, and out, in, and out. He relaxed into Taekwoon at his back, the great wolf breathing along with him - in, out, in, out, in -

Hakyeon didn’t feel the transition this time. One moment he was drifting, the next he could hear birds and feel his wolf curled next to him. He opened his eyes slowly and smiled down at it. Although it was still painfully small, it looked stronger. It stood then, and Hakyeon watched as it stretched, steady on its legs. It bounded off then, and Hakyeon looked to the side and gasped - the tiny russet wolf had run right up to a big black wolf and was jumping at it, playfully nuzzling and nudging. It was Taekwoon. Hakyeon looked around the clearing and his breath hitched. They were all here, in his clearing, dragged down with him by the bond. He watched as they all paced closer to the little wolf and sniffed at him.

Hakyeon wrapped his arms around himself slowly, a tendril of fear and anxiety working its way back into his mind. He had told them about the state of his wolf, but they had never seen it. He stayed back and worried. Worried what they might think of him, worried they would lose hope and give up on him. He worried and lost track of what was happening, and then he felt a nudge to his stomach. He looked up - Taekwoon had come over to him and was regarding him with large, serious dark eyes. Hakyeon stared into them and slowly relaxed. He knelt down and wrapped his arms around Taekwoon’s neck, burying his face in black fur.

“I told you,” he murmured. “I told you how sick it was.” Taekwoon nodded slowly.

_ But it’s not a lost cause, Hakyeonnie _ , a voice in his head murmured. Hakyeon stiffened and looked at Taekwoon.

“Woonie?” He swore the big wolf grinned before it nudged him to his feet and pushed him over to the group at the edge of the clearing. They were playing now, and Hakyeon felt his heart clench at how gentle his packmates were. They were big, strong wolves, and they were so careful as they wrestled and played with the small wolf in their midst. Jaehwan was the first to notice Hakyeon coming over. He grinned up at him from where he was lying, watching the others. Hakyeon smiled and sat down next to him. He sighed happily as he felt the sandy wolf curl around him and laughed when his russet wolf bolted for Taekwoon as soon as it saw him.

They played for a while more, and then Taekwoon nudged the little wolf over to Hakyeon. The omega tensed. “Woonie?” he asked again. Taekwoon ignored him and gently urged the russet wolf closer to its other half. It looked up at him, almost seeming unsure itself, and Hakyeon felt tears prick his eyes. Finally, after the others had joined in and urged him closer, the little wolf was standing right in front of Hakyeon. He stared at it, his mouth trembling as he tried to stay calm. He had done this. He had willfully pushed away this part of himself, to the point that it became more separate and alone than their wolf half should ever be. He felt someone nose at his arm, and he lifted it slowly and reached out for the little wolf’s nose. He trailed his fingertips over its fur, feather light and barely touching, and then he slowly flattened his palm against its head. It tilted its head into his touch and whined at the back of his throat.

Hakyeon relaxed slightly, stroking his wolf and looking into its face. He felt the others around him settle to the ground, ready to wait for him. He reached out with his other hand and smiled when the wolf pushed forward. He felt its nose push into his collarbone and up his neck, and then he stiffened as pressed close into his lap. He could feel it suddenly, feel his hands on it, feel it against his body. He was in his human form and his wolf form simultaneously, and he felt the small weight on his lap and the warmth surrounding him, gentle fingers carding through fur.

Hakyeon gasped as the sensations rushed through him, warm and strange and achingly familiar because he  _ knew  _ his wolf, so well, and he hadn't realized how much he missed it until now. Hakyeon felt a tongue on his cheeks and salt on his tongue, and he realized he was crying and his little wolf was anxiously licking away the tears, whining up at him. He smiled down at it and buried his face in its fur and held it close. He could feel the others around him, inching closer. There was a great, warm body behind him after a moment, curled around him protectively - Taekwoon, quiet and reassuring. And others pressing in from other sides.

Slowly, he sat up and smiled around at his pack, and then focused again on the wolf in his lap. He knew he had just taken huge steps forward in reconnecting with his wolf, but the damage was still there. He stared into the little wolf's eyes, hoping it would somehow offer him advice about how to shift again. It stared back at him, almost curious. After a moment, the wolf surged up and pressed it's forehead to his. Hakyeon closed his eyes and leaned into the contact, focusing only on the warm touch of soft fur against his skin. He felt a strange pressure in his head, like a headache from a cold, but without the any of the pain. Slowly, he began to feel out the presence pushing at him.

It was strange, to be reaching for his own self the way he reached for his pack mates. He knew each of them so well, could tell who was who with his eyes closed, but they were still separate. Not himself. But this, this shy, timid pressure, this was  _ him _ . His own mind, his own wolf, half of his own heart and soul. It was strangely quiet, he realized. He himself was so loud and energetic. This presence was reserved, and when Hakyeon realized that that reservation must come from a decade of being pushed aside, tears pricked his eyes again.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so, so sorry, I’m sorry - ” the wolf nudged him. When he opened his eyes, it was staring at him intently. The pressure on his mind increased, and Hakyeon gasped. He squeezed his eyes shut again, and tried to pry open his mind, to let the wolf in again. As if they were on opposite sides of a wall, Hakyeon pulled at one side and the wolf pushed at the other, tearing down a wall that had stood firm and locked shut for thirteen years.

Hakyeon lost track of how long they sat there, his pack around him, his wolf before him. When the wolf finally slid a tendril of itself through a crack in the wall, he thought it must have been hours. He stiffened as he felt his wolf for the first time in so long. It pushed into the crack and into his mind, and then continued pushing. Hakyeon cried out as he felt his mind warp and shift to allow for it, and then, distantly, he felt a sharp pain through his whole body. He gasped as it got stronger and pulled at him, harder and harder, until it pulled him out of his clearing and right back into the physical world where he cried out again and curled into himself. He could hear worried voices calling to him as his members shifted back into human form and tried to help. Really, he should have known something like this was coming, it couldn’t all be happiness and pleasure. But that thought was faint in his mind as the pain shot through him, deep, in his very bones.

It happened slowly, excruciating to feel and horrifying to see. Hakyeon’s skin seemed to ripple, his bones cracked and contorted, twisting and lengthening and reshaping themselves. His hair grew longer and spread down his neck, and his jaw elongated into a pointed snout. His teeth sharpened and his fingernails lengthened, his arms and legs contracted and twisted and his back stretched. His body mass shrank and shifted, and when it was over, he lay on the clearing floor, panting and heaving with his clothes stretched over his new form. Taekwoon rushed forward and carefully pulled his shirt and pants and underwear away. He stroked a hand over the soft russet fur, trying to soothe Hakyeon’s quick breathing. Slowly, the little wolf pulled himself up to a sitting position. He looked around, eyes wide, and the others could see Hakyeon in them, but they were different, as well. More, somehow. Slowly, carefully, Hakyeon pushed himself up to his feet. Hongbin came forward to steady him, and the beta’s heart clenched when he realized that in his wolf form, Hakyeon’s head only barely cleared Hongbin’s shoulder.

Carefully, the two wolves walked around the clearing, Hakyeon getting used to four legs and stretching muscles that hadn’t been used in years. He was shaky and unsteady, and stumbled almost every third step, but he made it back to where the others stood, back in their fur skins. Once there, he flopped to the ground, panting hard, and laid his head on his front paws. Taekwoon came up and nudged at his face tenderly, and Hakyeon looked up at him. His lips stretched back in a grin and his eyes danced happily. They had so much to face, so much to figure out, so much left to overcome. Hakyeon was far from completely healed, and the dynamics in their pack were new and untested, especially given the fronts they would all have to put up once back in their normal lives. But he had done it! He had  _ shifted _ . And his pack -  _ pack _ \- knew what he was and loved him for it, and he would recover and they would help him. In the moment, with all his aches and pains, with all the future worries floating in the back of his mind, he couldn’t not be happy.

Taekwoon smiled back and then shifted back to his human form. His smile stayed on his face as he did, and he knelt and carefully picked Hakyeon up. “Good job, Hakyeonnie,” he murmured. Hakyeon nuzzled into his neck and licked his skin. He yipped happily as the rest circled around them. The bond was alive with energy and happiness, and Hakyeon curled himself in Taekwoon’s strong, warm arms as the alpha began walking back through the woods.

“Come on, let’s get you some food. And no shifting back tonight, I think, we’ll wait until you get your strength back,” he said. Hakyeon agreed emphatically, and there were rumbling huffs from behind them as the other four wolves laughed at his loud agreement over their bond.

They reached the cabin quickly and Taekwoon set Hakyeon down on the couch. He curled in the corner and closed his eyes, tired and still feeling out his new body. He supposed it wasn’t really  _ new _ . He could remember being in this form countless times as a child, but it felt like something alien and strange after going so long without it. He listened as his pack walked around the house. They had all shifted back, their wolf forms too large to comfortably manoeuvre around each other in the little cabin. He could hear quiet conversation in the kitchen as Taekwoon started cooking, Jaehwan and Wonshik talking and trying to help. He heard Taekwoon shoo them away, half irritated and half fond. He heard Sanghyuk and Hongbin laughing in the bedroom as they dressed, and smiled as he heard sounds distinctly unlike the rustling of cloth as they pulled it on - Hongbin’s heavy breathing and quiet moans.

He could smell them all, overpowering at first. It settled slowly, though, so that the awareness of peppermint and cookies, of rain and coffee and spice, was comforting. He inhaled deeply, breathing them in and feeling them settle somewhere deep in his gut, steady and permanent. They smelled like home,  _ felt _ more like home than anything had since he was thirteen.

As the minutes passed, Hakyeon sank further into the couch, relaxing and feeling the aches in his bones subside bit by bit. He dozed lightly, serene in the warm cabin that contained all that he held dear - his pack, their love, and their support and protection and the freedom it gave him.

When Hakyeon woke up, his members were all sitting around the coffee table eating and talking quietly. Taekwoon helped him down to the floor and pushed a bowl of food over to him. He felt a little silly eating from a bowl surrounded by very human looking members, but it was better than shifting back at the moment. He ate quietly and then curled up with his head in Taekwoon’s lap. Full and warm, he fell asleep again. He dreamed of running, his four legs stretching long and powerfully, carrying him over the land. There was a black wolf in front of him, and a lanky, tan wolf behind. There was a gray wolf beside him, and white one, and golden brown wolf on his other side. They were joyful in the sunshine, and the air was filled with peppermint and cookies and rain and coffee and spice, and as they ran the flowers around them were blooming, the scent of wildflowers mixing with the rest.

He woke briefly when Taekwoon lifted him, confused, but calmed when the alpha hushed him and hummed a quiet melody as he carried him to bed. He curled up in the sheets and felt the rest of them curl around him. The scent of flowers from his dream drifted through the window.


	11. Chapter Eleven

The grass was cool under his feet as he ran, clumsy but joyful. He could smell the forest - the trees and the flowers and the animals and the wind - all around him, and he could sense his pack close by. Hakyeon could vividly remember the last time he had played as a wolf, when he was thirteen and so sure he would be an alpha. He felt like it shouldn’t feel so strange now, given how much time he had spent in this form as a child. But it was new and different, like nothing he could remember. He had spent so long on two legs, with furless skin and duller senses that being a wolf again was a burst of unfamiliar sensations all at once.

At the same time he wondered why it felt so different, he wondered how he wasn’t overwhelmed. But that was easy - he was too happy. It felt  _ so good _ to be a wolf, to be in his pack, honest in what he was for the first time in his life. He felt joy like he only felt on stage, and that buoyed him up over all the unknowns about this form and what came next.

Hakyeon ran through the forest, his pack surrounding him, legs stretching over the ground. He felt the wind on his face and through the fur on his back, like gentle fingers welcoming him home. He yipped loudly with joy, and grinned a wide, toothy smile when he heard answering barks from the trees around him. He finally stumbled to a halt in the clearing and collapsed, his legs shaking and tired, watching as the other five wolves came out of the trees.

 

They had been playing since early morning, when Hakyeon had risen excitedly and nudged and dragged them outside. They went easily, really, playing at disgruntled sleepiness but too happy at the omega’s excitement to really mind at all. When they arrived at the clearing after running and chasing each other in circles and figure eights through the trees, the sun was high in the sky. Taekwoon huffed and flopped to the ground, setting his head on his front paws. Of them all, he was least inclined to the kind of play they had enjoyed all morning, but he joined in every now and again. And this, after all, was a special occasion.

Hakyeon watched as Sanghyuk leapt at Hongbin, playfully tackling him to the forest floor. He laughed as Hongbin snapped at him, grabbing hold of one sandy ear with his teeth. Jaehwan took a running start and bowled Sanghyuk over, coming to the other beta’s defense. The play fight began in earnest, all four wolves leaping and growling happily as they taunted and teased.

Hakyeon pulled himself up to his feet and shuffled over to Taekwoon. He curled up in the curve of the big wolf’s body and relaxed to watch his packmates play. He hummed when he felt the alpha nudge his neck and gently begin grooming him. Hakyeon settled and watched his packmates, tracking the ebb and flow of sides and victories. He chuckled - there were no loyalties, it seemed. One moment Jaehwan and Hongbin stood shoulder to shoulder, but the moment Jaehwan seemed compromised Hongbin was slinking away to stand by Sanghyuk and lunge at the other beta. Jaehwan squawked, the sound surprisingly similar to when it came from his human vocal chords. Taekwoon’s laugh from behind him was a deep rumble, and Hakyeon twisted his head back to lick at his snout and nudge his face.

The peaceful moment was interrupted as a large, pale wolf bounded over to them and settled his full weight on top of Taekwoon. The alpha growled low in his throat and Hakyeon wiggled out from under Jaehwan’s front legs and scampered away. Taekwoon pushed himself up and watched impassively as Jaehwan tumbled to the ground. The beta sat up and shook his head happily. Taekwoon nudged at his shoulder and his lips stretched in the barest hint of a grin. He glanced up at the sky and then nudged the beta up to his feet and began herding him to the rest, and then leading all of them out of the clearing. The sun was lower now, casting long slants through the trees and lighting up the forest floor with gold. Hakyeon happily padded behind the rest of the pack, basking in the light.

It was a warm evening, spring on the cusp of summer, and the forest was alive with new life. Hakyeon snorted quietly at himself waxing poetic, thinking of himself as part of that new life. But it seemed fitting, certainly, that he had been dragged back to healthy practices during this season, the season of rebirth and renewal, the season when the scent that filled the air was so similar to the scent he remembered from when he first realised he was an omega. He lifted his nose and inhaled deeply, filling his head with the fragrance of the flowers hanging sweet and fresh in the air.

“Hakyeon!” He snapped his eyes forward. They had arrived at the cabin while he was daydreaming, and Taekwoon was standing in the door, back on two legs. “Come inside, we’ll see if you can shift back before dinner.” Hakyeon trotted forward. He pressed against Taekwoon’s legs briefly and then slid past him. The rest of their pack was in the living room waiting for them. Taekwoon sat down on the floor and beckoned Hakyeon to sit with them.

“I think the best thing to do is just the meditation in reverse. We can all be in human form, and you can focus on the feel of two legs, and do the breathing exercise,” Taekwoon said. Hakyeon nodded nervously and settled to the floor. The last shift had been hard, to say the least. He couldn’t remember it precisely, it was more like a haze of pain and discomfort in his memory. He wasn’t eager to go through that again, but there was no avoiding it unless he wanted to live as a wolf forever. That definitely wasn’t unheard of for his kind, but it wasn’t really an option.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He could feel the others settle into their positions, begin matching their breathing to his. He breathed in, and out, and called to mind the feeling of two legs, two arms, bare skin. He imagined himself dancing, the motions of his limbs so distinct. The pain started slow, in his back feet, before creeping up his legs to his hips, coiling into his stomach and then shooting out to his shoulders and down his forelegs, up to his neck and face. He whined and tensed, pushing against the pain.

“Relax, Hakyeon hyung,” Hongbin murmured. “You have to let the change happen.” Hakyeon took a shuddering breath and forced himself to relax. He yelped as the pain doubled and his skin crawled, his fur receding. He felt his bones stretching and contracting, his snout shortening and flattening. His mind was clearer this time. The haze wasn’t as thick and he could tell where the pain and twisting was most intense - he wasn’t sure whether he was really glad about the clarity, the feelings were so unpleasant.

When the change finished and the pain passed to give way to throbbing soreness, Hakyeon lay on the living room floor, panting. He felt someone gently grip his shoulder and hands and help him to sit up. He leaned against whoever it was - Wonshik, by the smell of coffee. Someone nudged him and began helping pull pants and a shirt onto him. He smiled and shook his head. He sat up straighter and blinked, focusing on the world in front of him. He could hear Taekwoon in the kitchen, and quiet conversation over the sound of cooking. Sanghyuk was knelt in front of him, smiling. He reached up and grabbed his hands for help standing up. The three of them walked to the kitchen and sat down to wait for dinner.

“Good job, hyung,” Jaehwan said, smiling wide. Hakyeon grinned.

“Thanks, Jaehwannie,” he said. Wonshik leaned over and draped himself over Hakyeon’s shoulders. He had a happy, silly grin on his face and Hongbin snorted and shoved his arm.

“What?” Wonshik exclaimed. “I’m happy! Hyung shifted, and then was able to run around and play for a while! This is good! It’s a happy day!” Hongbin laughed.

“I know, but you look ridiculous with that grin, Wonshikkie,” Hongbin said. His smile took the edge off the words, and Wonshik brushed them off. Hakyeon was quiet, happy to watch his packmates poke fun at each other. He looked up when Taekwoon pushed a plate in front of him and smiled his thanks.

“You alright? You’re quiet,” Taekwoon asked quietly. Hakyeon nodded quickly.

“Tired. But happy,” he said. Taekwoon tilted his head.

“I was worried that it would be worse,” Hakyeon admitted. “That my wolf would be - disabled somehow? I don’t know.” He shrugged. Wonshik squeezed his shoulder.

“But it wasn’t,” he said gently. “Your wolf is smaller than average, definitely. But from what we saw today, I think it’s safe to say he’ll be fine. And so will you. And all of us.” Hakyeon chuckled.

“I think so, too, Wonshik-ah,” he said. And he did. He had been so worried that he would shift and his wolf would be tiny, emaciated, crippled somehow. Starved of everything - not just attention, but  _ being _ \- starved of the chance to be more than a phantom at the centre of his soul. He had been terrified that he had gone too far, that it was too late to fix things. But Wonshik was right: his wolf, though small and not as sure-footed as he used to be, would be fine. He grinned happily and leaned into the warm, gentle alpha at his side as he ate. The conversation around him was joyful, but Hakyeon was quiet, letting himself feel his happiness. He tried to get up and help when Hongbin started clearing the table, but Wonshik pulled him back down.

“Relax, hyung, we’ve got it,” Jaehwan said. Hakyeon huffed. Sanghyuk grinned as he stood to help. Taekwoon pulled Hakyeon up and dragged him to the couch.

“Come on, Hakyeonnie, let them work for you. It’s not going to last long,” he said. Hakyeon thought for a moment and then nodded.

“You’re right, Woonie,” he said. He flopped onto the couch and flapped his hand imperiously. “Go on, children, finish your chores,” he called to the kitchen with a grin.

“I can hear your grin, hyung, wipe it off your face!” Hongbin called back. “As soon as the doctor says you’re better it’s business as usual!” Hakyeon gasped. Taekwoon snickered. Hakyeon swatted his shoulder.

“Don’t you laugh at that, Taekwoon, it’ll be the same for you, just wait,” he said. Taekwoon shrugged.

“I can deal with it. You’re their favourite target, Yeonnie, not me,” he pointed out. Hakyeon scowled. Jaehwan came in from the kitchen and laughed at the look on his face. He skipped over and fell onto the couch beside Hakyeon.

“Cheer up, hyung, you know it’s only because we love you so much!” Hakyeon tried to hold his scowl, but Jaehwan was making comical puppy eyes up at him and he couldn’t help giggling at the other singer. Jaehwan grinned.

Sanghyuk came bounding into the room next, calling for a movie, and Jaehwan leapt up to help choose one. Hakyeon snuggled into Taekwoon’s side, dragging his arm over his shoulders. A movie was selected - amid loud protests and debates - and they settled in. Hakyeon dozed lightly, waking up at loud cheers as the two leads finally kissed and then groans as they were immediately separated because they had to save the world.

“ _ Honestly, _ you’d think it was the end of the world or something!” Jaehwan exclaimed.

“It is, hyung,” Hongbin deadpanned.

Hakyeon snickered quietly.

“Come on, time for bed,” Taekwoon said when it was over. “I want to have time for Hakyeon to practice shifting more tomorrow, before we go back to Seoul,” he said. Hakyeon whined.

“Do we have to?” he groaned. Taekwoon raised an eyebrow.

“Shifting will only get easier if you practice, Hakyeon,” he said. Hakyeon sighed.

“I know, I know,” he said. “I’m going to bed now, then, I need sleep if I’m - Ah!” He cried out halfway through pushing himself up off the couch. Taekwoon reached out immediately to steady him as he stumbled. Hakyeon was doubled over, one arm reaching back to hold his back, the other hand gripping Taekwoon’s shoulder tight. He was panting, his eyes squeezed closed as pain radiated out from the small of his back.

“Hakyeon?” Taekwoon asked. He gently pulled Hakyeon back down to sit on the couch. “Are you alright?” Hakyeon nodded.

“I’ll be fine, just - just give me a minute,” he gasped. Taekwoon nodded and just held Hakyeon gently. He glanced up at the room, and the four worried looking packmates. Sanghyuk looked stricken, his arms reached out halfway to catching Hakyeon. Hakyeon breathed in, deep and shuddering. He turned his face into Taekwoon’s shoulder.

“Any better?” Taekwoon asked. The omega nodded.

“What happened?” Jaehwan asked. Hakyeon grimaced.

“My back hurt. Sorry to worry you guys.” He smiled up at them. “Don’t worry too much, I’m fine,” he said. His eyes caught on Sanghyuk and he smiled reassuringly. “Come here, Hyukkie,” he said. “I’m fine, promise. For real this time,” he said as the youngest moved to his side and wrapped long arms around him.

“You sure?” Hongbin asked. He was tense, his arms folded around his torso and one nail clamped between his teeth. Hakyeon nodded.

“I think - ” he stopped and bit his lip. “I’m going to be perfectly fine, Hongbin. All of you. You all saw to that.” There was a pause. “But - you have to understand. I spent half of my life doing this to myself. It’s not going to be completely reversed with one heat and a day of playing as wolf. No matter how -  _ intense _ either of those was.” Hakyeon smiled sadly and shrugged. Jaehwan sighed.

“I get it and that makes sense, but I wish it wasn’t that way,” he said. Hakyeon nodded. “I don’t like seeing you like this, hyung.” Jaehwan was uncharacteristically serious, his face solemn and his voice quiet. Hakyeon bit his lip as he listened, feeling his eyes prick with tears. “I’m used to you being - being unrelenting. In everything. You push forward and you stay cheerful and it’s hard to see you like this. In pain.” He fell silent. Hakyeon took a deep breath.

“I - I’m sorry,” he said shakily. He shook his head at the quiet protests. “No, I am. I did this to myself, no one else. It’s my fault. And I took it far enough that my body started to break down. I put all of this on all of you, and you’ve been so wonderful, more than I could have ever asked for, but I did this and I am sorry. It’s going to be a while, I think, before I’m completely fine. But I  _ will  _ be. And that is because of you. So, I’m sorry, but thank you so much for being who you are.” When Hakyeon finished, the room was silent. Wonshik’s head was down, and Hakyeon could hear quiet sniffles from him. Hongbin’s brow was furrowed - he looked almost angry, but Hakyeon knew it was his attempt to hold a straight face. He could see the glitter of a couple of tears at the corner of his eyes. Hakyeon took a loud, deep breath and shook Sanghyuk’s shoulders.

“Come on, let’s get ready for bed. I’ll be fine tomorrow,” he said. Sanghyuk nodded and sat up his eyes were red, but he offered Hakyeon a broad smile as he carefully helped him to his feet.

“Let’s take a bath, hyung, it’ll help.” Hakyeon smiled.

“Sounds great, Hyukkie,” he said.

“Hakyeon,” Jaehwan said. They stopped. “You don’t have to be sorry. We know why you did what you did, and we know you well enough to know it was what you had to do. And you also don’t have to thank us. We love you, we never would have done anything else.” Hakyeon smiled. He shuffled over to Jaehwan and wrapped his arms around him. Jaehwan hugged him back carefully, but still clinging tightly to him.

“I know, Jaehwannie. I’m still sorry, and I’m still thankful. But I know I don’t have to be, and that makes me even more thankful.” He stepped back and carefully wiped under Jaehwan’s eyes. “Now come on, no more crying! Today was a good day. The best day. So go get ready for bed and let me take my bath.” He smiled and turned back to Sanghyuk to go to the bathroom. Sanghyuk grinned and snickered.

“Are you sure it was the  _ best  _ day, hyung? I feel like that would have to have been, like, three days ago,” he said. Hakyeon could feel the follow up hanging in the air and raised an eyebrow. Sanghyuk swiped his tongue over his bottom lip. “There were less clothes, it’s automatically a better time,” he said. Hakyeon hit him.

“Yah!” he yelled. “Bath privileges revoked, I’m taking Hongbin instead,” he declared.

“Hey, why Hongbin?” Jaehwan whined.

“He was closest. Come on, Binnie,” Hakyeon pulled Hongbin insistently. The beta laughed and grinned at Jaehwan. He wrapped an arm around Hakyeon’s waist and steadied him into the bathroom. Jaehwan huffed.

“I’m coming with, then, we can take turns.”

“Do I get no consideration? I had the idea!” Sanghyuk exclaimed. Taekwoon patted his shoulder.

“You heard the man. Privileges revoked,” Wonshik teased. Sanghyuk lunged at him. Taekwoon watched the two younger alphas grapple for a moment and then pulled them apart.

“None of that, bedtime. Come on,” he said firmly. He dragged them into the bedroom and started to get ready. They took turns in the bathroom brushing teeth and talking with the other three. True to Jaehwan’s word, after ten minutes he dragged Hongbin out of the bath tub and slipped in behind Hakyeon in his place. Hakyeon laughed as he was carefully jostled.

When Hakyeon climbed into bed, he felt Sanghyuk immediately curl around his back and wrap an arm over his waist. Hakyeon took his hand and squeezed it.

“Love you, Hyukkie,” he whispered.

“Love you, too, hyung,” Sanghyuk said. Hakyeon laughed quietly when he felt Hongbin push into his chest. He reached out and pulled him close.

“Will this also go away when it’s business as usual? Or do I still get to cuddle all of you?” he asked. Hongbin laughed.

“I guess you can cuddle us when you want to, hyung,” he said. Jaehwan leaned over Hongbin and propped his head on his shoulder. Hongbin grunted and tried to shake him off, but he held on.

“You can cuddle me all the time, hyung!” he said. Hakyeon laughed and ruffled his hair.

“Thanks, Jaehwannie,” he said.

“You can cuddle who you want, but go to sleep now, please,” Taekwoon grumbled from behind Sanghyuk. Hakyeon giggled.

“Sorry, Woonie,” he whispered. He closed his eyes and settled. He heard his packmates fall asleep, their breathing slowing. He pushed his face into Hongbin’s hair and drifted off to sleep.

 

When Hakyeon woke up, once again he and the two youngest were the last ones in bed. They were just as close to him as when he fell asleep, and he was ready to stay in bed all day where it was warm and cozy. He groaned when he felt someone pull the blankets down and start to shake the three of them.

“Come on, guys, breakfast is ready,” Wonshik said. Hakyeon squinted at him and sighed. He pulled himself up and crawled out of bed, and then turned around and grabbed Hongbin’s wrist to drag him up with him. He laughed at the grumble that came from the sleepy singer and pushed him into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

Taekwoon hurried them through breakfast and then dragged Hakyeon onto the porch. Hakyeon groaned, knowing what was coming.

“I know, I know,” he said when he saw Taekwoon open his mouth. He flapped his hand at him and pulled off his shirt and sat down on the porch. He closed his eyes and steadied his breathing, and recalled how his body felt when it had four legs and a tail and was covered with fur. The shift came on faster than it had the last few times. It seemed to go faster, too, though the haze of pain still made it hard to measure how long it took. But even that was easier than before, the shifting of his bones and organs less wrenching and the crawl of fur over his skin faster and less jarring. When he opened his eyes and looked up from his lower vantage point, the rest had all already shifted and were looking at him with pride - the easier shift was evident to them, too. He grinned happily and stood up. His legs still felt shaky, but he was able to begin walking on his own and build up to a run easily, and soon they were off and playing.

Hakyeon yipped happily as he ran at Sanghyuk and jumped at him. The sandy wolf fell dramatically, letting Hakyeon push him over and bite an ear. This lasted only a moment, and then Sanghyuk was rolling them over and playfully pinning Hakyeon to the ground. He howled at his victory, but was cut off when Wonshik shoved him aside and took off running with Hakyeon.

They made their way to the clearing slowly, winding through the trees and stopping every few feet when one of them decided to attack another. When they go there, Hakyeon was panting happily. He walked up to Taekwoon and nudged his shoulder to greet him. The big black wolf nudged him back, and then shifted.

“Time to practice, Hakyeon,” he said. He smiled ruefully at the whine Hakyeon let out and stroked a big hand over his head. “I know. But it’s already getting better, right? And it’ll only keep getting easier. But for that you have to practice. Just like with dancing.” Hakyeon huffed and glared, but he sat down and closed his eyes dutifully. He felt the others shift and settle around him in their human forms, and then he imagined himself with two legs.

Taekwoon was right. It  _ was _ getting easier, and quicker. This time he had barely started the breathing exercise before he felt the shift come over him. He whimpered once and tensed, but relaxed just as quickly. He was aware enough to realize that the pain wasn’t as bad as it had been even just that morning when he shifted for the first time that day. It went quicker and was duller, as though his body had figured out the pathway between the two forms. It couldn’t have been more than a couple of minutes by the time he was completely human shaped again, and he sat up with a tired smile on his face.

They sat in a circle in the clearing, letting Hakyeon rest. The goal for the day was to practice a few times (Hakyeon shuddered at the thought), but it was obvious to all of them that continuous shifting would be too much for him right now. Hakyeon leaned against Taekwoon with his eyes closed, resting and listening to his pack talk. He relaxed into the alpha’s chest and took stock of his body. Although he was sore from the shifting, he was amazed to find that he felt better than he could remember feeling for a long time.

“Alright, Hakyeon,” Taekwoon said quietly. “TIme to shift again. You up for it?” Hakyeon nodded and sat up.

“Yeah. How many times am I doing this today, by the way?” he asked as he settled. Taekwoon lifted one shoulder.

“I think you should shift at least twice more. If you can take more after that, you can go for another, but we want to be careful about overexerting you,” he said. Hakyeon nodded. Once again, the shift was better than the last one had been. Hakyeon was amazed at how quickly some of his recovery was going. He knew that this was just the beginning of a long road that would have many more bumps, but he thought it was a promising start.

After a much smoother, faster shift, they played around in the clearing some more, giving Hakyeon a chance to settle more comfortably into this form, and letting his packmates learn boundaries and limits for how to play with him. He was ever more steady, ever stronger, with each moment he spent as a wolf, but he was still noticeably smaller than the average omega his age, he tired more quickly and struggled to maintain speed while running. Hakyeon noticed all of this and felt a moment of sadness when he did. He couldn’t help but wonder what this play would be like if he had been a healthy, well developed omega. But he couldn’t dwell on that. Instead he focused on the good - that although there were limitations on his activity, they didn’t really show. He was still able to run and jump and roll with his friends. He knew that that was thanks to their patience and care, and it warmed his heart to think of the effort they were all putting in to help him.

Hakyeon managed to shift three more times that day, back to human, then to wolf and back again. By dinner time, he was exhausted and sore. Hongbin helped him to the couch and set him down gently.

“Tch, you pushed yourself too much today, hyung,” he said. Hakyeon smiled and shook his head.

“I’m fine. And the last shift was so much better than any of the others. I’m making progress, Binnie!” he said excitedly. Hongbin smiled.

“I know. But you still have to be careful and take care of yourself.” Hakyeon nodded.

“I will, promise,” he murmured. Hongbin stroked his hair.

“You can rest, hyung, we’ll wake you for dinner.” Hakyeon yawned.

“Maybe I’ll just - just close my eyes for a bit,” he said.

He did. Hongbin’s fingers combed gently through his hair, and the couch was warm and soft. He dozed off and barely woke up when he was pulled up and to the table to eat. He was half asleep through the whole meal, and when it was over stumbled into the bedroom and into bed. He fell asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that! It hasn't even been a whole month yet! I'd say that's an improvement. This chapter is kind of lacking in dialogue, which I apologize for, but wolves don't really talk all that much, so... I hope you all enjoyed it! Much love, and happy fall! xoxo


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Once again, this is much too short considering how long it took me to actually update. My sincerest apologies, and I hope you guys enjoy it anyway! Thank you so much for all of the comments and kudos, I appreciate it all so so much.
> 
> We are approaching the end of this story, just a head's up! But no worries, there is plenty of drama left to come. I am also toying with the idea of a sequel, so... We'll see!
> 
> Once again, I appreciate any single person who takes the time to read my story so so much, whether you comment or not - thank you all so much!
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter! xoxo

When Hakyeon woke up, he groaned. He  _ ached _ . Everywhere. Even relaxed and still on the bed, every muscle (including some he was sure he didn’t have yesterday) screamed at him, aching constantly. And Taekwoon was leaning over him, watching him silently with that look that said he was about to drag him up, feed him breakfast, and then make him work all day again.

Hakyeon stared at him balefully for a moment, and then he let his face melt into a sweet smile. He saw Taekwoon’s eyes narrow and cackled internally. The alpha started to lean back, but Hakyeon reached up and curled his arms around his neck.

“Woonie, what are you doing up?” he asked quietly, his voice syrupy sweet. Taekwoon raised an eyebrow.

“It’s almost ten, Hakyeon,” he murmured. Hakyeon sighed.

“But Woonie, we’re on  _ vacation _ . That’s the  _ point _ . We sleep in and don’t work,” he wheedled. Taekwoon laughed and pulled out of Hakyeon’s hold. He tugged the omega up to a seated position. Hakyeon pouted at him.

“Except this vacation is more meant to make you better, and that takes some work,” he said. Hakyeon huffed. Time to change tactics.

“But we have been working, Taekwoon! A lot! And I’m getting better, you know that, but today I’m  _ sore _ ! And not in good, fun ways, in bad, annoying ways.” He let the tiniest hint of a whine slip into his voice, and watched as Taekwoon’s eyes started twinkling. The alpha absolutely knew what he was doing.

“Hakyeonnie, you’re the one always telling us to work through the soreness,” he pointed out. Hakyeon was scandalized.

“You’re using my own words  _ against  _ me?” he gasped. Taekwoon quirked an eyebrow again. Hakyeon glowered at him. “Come on, Woonie, can’t we relax for today? We can practice all day tomorrow, promise, but can’t we rest today?” he pleaded. They heard a laugh from the doorway and looked up to see Sanghyuk leaning in and watching them.

“How are you managing to argue with him, Taekwoon hyung?” the youngest asked. Taekwoon snorted.

“It’s not so hard, you all are just weak,” he said. There was a squawk from the hallway, and Hakyeon braced himself.

“Ex _ cuse _ you!” Jaehwan said loudly as he strode into the room. “I am perfectly capable of standing up to him, and I’ll prove it!” He turned to Hakyeon, his best stern, listen-to-me-I-know-what’s-best look on.

“Here we go,” Hongbin murmured from beside Sanghyuk. They snickered. Hakyeon grinned innocently up at Jaehwan.

“Come on, hyung,” the beta said sternly. “We have to practice today, no excuses!” Hakyeon reached out and took his hand. He rubbed a thumb over Jaehwan’s wrist softly.

“But, Jaehwan, we worked  _ all day  _ yesterday! And we have tomorrow. Let’s just rest today, please?” he wheedled. Taekwoon breathed in and rolled his eyes. Hakyeon had dialled up his pheromones and was filling the room with his swiftly-healing sweet scent. Jaehwan’s eyes darkened and his breath hitched. “Besides,” Hakyeon continued, going in for the kill, “there are other ways of helping me to get better. Right?” Jaehwan groaned.

“No fair, hyung,” he whined. Hakyeon cackled and pulled Jaehwan down to the bed with him.

“You’re the one that didn’t factor in recently discovered omega qualities, Jae,” he said. Jaehwan glared at him but quickly relaxed when Hakyeon kissed him and snuggled into his side. “Now help me convince Taek to relax for the day,” he said. Taekwoon groaned. Jaehwan and Hakyeon together were impossible.

“Fine, fine! We can relax, but tomorrow, we are working  _ all day _ , Hakyeon, no excuses!” He looked Hakyeon in the eye. Hakyeon nodded and grinned.

“Sounds perfect, Woonie!” he exclaimed as he reached out and pulled the alpha down with him and Jaehwan. The beta laughed at Taekwoon’s face, playfully grumpy, and poked at one of his full cheeks. Taekwoon glared up at him and snapped at his finger. Jaehwan yelped and pulled away, shrinking back into Hakyeon. Taekwoon rolled his eyes.

“Don’t look so betrayed, traitor,” the alpha said. Jaehwan gasped.

“Me, a traitor?” he exclaimed. “I was sent in unprepared! You sabotaged me, you never warned me about advanced brainwashing techniques when you gave me the mission!” Taekwoon stared at Jaehwan, blank faced.

“What mission is this?” Hongbin asked. He had gone to get food for them and come back in time to hear Jaehwan’s claim. “Pretty sure this was your idea, hyung.” Sanghyuk snickered and leapt onto the bed with the other three. They had kept the two beds pushed together from Hakyeon’s heat, and enjoyed squeezing together in the much too small space. Hongbin passed Hakyeon a plate of food and smiled when the omega thanked him. The rest had eaten, letting Hakyeon sleep. They knew he would be tired after the previous day.

“Hyung, I was thinking,” Sanghyuk said as Hakyeon ate. Everyone looked at him. “Hakyeon hyung, I mean,” he said. Hakyeon nodded, his mouth full. “Had you ever had sex before your heat?” Hakyeon choked. He coughed and spluttered, and then coughed some more when Jaehwan pounded his back. Hongbin burst out laughing, sliding to the floor to sprawl on his back. Taekwoon sighed and looked up, as if begging for strength. Jaehwan and Wonshik were both snickering, and Sanghyuk looked amused.

“W - what?!” Hakyeon gasped.

“It’s a legitimate question!” Sanghyuk exclaimed. “You can’t really hide what you are during sex, and you said no one but us and the doctors know!” Hakyeon glared at him, his eyes watering. Sanghyuk smiled at him, making his eyes wide and innocent.

“Don’t be cute,” the omega growled.

“He does have a point, hyung,” Jaehwan mused. Hakyeon groaned and fell back on the bed. He covered his face with his hands and refused to speak. “Come on, hyung, there’s nothing wrong with not having sex! Especially given, you know, your situation,” Jaehwan said delicately. Hakyeon parted his fingers and glowered.

“I had had sex, ok!” he said.

“Really?” Wonshik asked. “How did you manage to keep the secret?” Hakyeon sighed and sat up, defeated.

“I was fifteen, it was with a beta girl, the cocktail of suppressants I was on was barely enough, it was horrible anyway, and I decided then never to do it again. End of story, salt the earth, don’t mention it again,” he said in one breath. It was silent for a moment.

“Sorry, no, I need details,” Jaehwan said cheerfully. Hakyeon glared at him.

“Come on, hyung, we’re curious! It’s for science!” Sanghyuk said. Hakyeon glanced between the two of them and scoffed.

“What science? The top secret report on how to hide your status for over a decade? That’s not at all strange or inconspicuous.” Hakyeon picked up his plate and continued eating as Jaehwan and Sanghyuk continued wheedling at him. “Fine!” he cried once Sanghyuk had resorted to crocodile tears and Jaehwan was threatening to tickle it out of him.

“Yes!” Sanghyuk said, wiping away the fake tears quickly. Hakyeon looked imploringly at Taekwoon.

“Control them! Please!” he said. Taekwoon shrugged and grinned apologetically.

“Sorry, Yeonnie, I don’t think anyone could do that,” he said. Hakyeon sighed.

“I know, I know!” he said when Jaehwan started bothering him again. “Like I said, I was fifteen, I liked a beta girl. We went out a few times, and then we had sex. It was horrible and a sufficient example to keep me from trying again. I was on a really intense combination of herbs and drugs at the time, and it almost completely wiped out omega urges. Which also, of course, made my sex drive very small, so it was also hard trying to - well. Trying to get hard. At all.” He flushed. “I stopped that combination pretty quickly, it - messed me up,” he said quietly. It was quiet for a moment, and Hakyeon could feel the mix of emotions in response to that through the bond.

“Why was it horrible?” Hongbin asked, breaking the tense silence. “You seemed to like it just fine with me and Jaehwan.” Hakyeon flushed.

“Yeah, well, you know I’m an omega, and you weren’t trying to have sex with an alpha,” he muttered. “She thought I was an alpha. You sort of - expect an alpha to  _ be  _ a certain way in bed. I wasn’t that way. To say nothing of the fact that no cocktail of herbs in the world can make a knot where there is not one. It was pretty bad.” Sanghyuk tried and failed to hold back a laugh. Hakyeon hit him.

“What do you mean about alphas being a certain way, hyung?” Wonshik asked. He looked genuinely curious, so Hakyeon only sighed.

“Just - look, as much as you want to be forward thinking and progressive about omega rights, which I  _ am _ , you know that, some things are just  _ true _ . Sure, some omegas probably like control, and some alphas probably like to be controlled, but not all of them, and it’s hard enough to summon that kind of presence and authority up when I’m not naked and having sex. She was expecting an alpha, who was in control and ready to direct things. I can’t really be that,” he said. “It does eventually come down to just, biology. Omegas aren’t built to take control in things like that, biologically or chemically, mentally, whatever.” Wonshik nodded slowly.

“I know it’s awkward to talk about, but it is kind of interesting,” Hongbin said. “Betas have an ability to slip into both roles, depending on the partner. We’re already straddling the line, so it’s not hard.” Hakyeon nodded.

“You’re meant to be a bridge,” he said. “Betas are supposed to be the middle ground between alpha control and omega submission.” He winced at the word. “Even though it’s not really submission. Anyway, you can switch like that because of that quality.” Hongbin nodded slowly.

Class or status dynamics were always a tricky subject, because the traditional, still widespread ideas were so fixed and static and repressive. Hakyeon was living proof of that, an omega who never would have been allowed the life he so desperately wanted had anyone known his class. But like he had said, some things were true. There was a reason for those ideas and beliefs, and not all of it was based in sexism or ideology. They came from wolves, and there was a certain kind of necessity that came with the lives their far off ancestors had lived. There needed to be definite authority and strength to protect the packs, ensure they survived and continued.

Hakyeon was pushing the last crumbs of food around his plate. “It’s sad,” he said quietly. “There’s so much strength in being an omega. So much I’m proud of. But because of one part of it, because we’re a little more pliant, a little easier to control, people see us as so weak. Like we’re totally unable to take care of ourselves.” Jaehwan pushed his head under Hakyeon’s arm. Hakyeon laughed and ruffled his hair.

“You're the strongest person I know, hyung,” he said. Hakyeon smiled. He leaned down and kissed Jaehwan softly.

“Thanks, Jae,” he murmured. Taekwoon smiled as he watched them. He reached for Hakyeon’s plate and set it on the dresser beside them. When he sat back down, Hongbin slid into his lap and kissed him. Taekwoon laughed.

“What was that for?” he asked. Hongbin shrugged.

“Just ‘cause,” he said.

“Can I have a kiss just ‘cause?” Sanghyuk asked immediately. He leaned in close to Hongbin and grinned when the beta leaned in to kiss him as well. When they pulled apart, Sanghyuk leaned past Hongbin to kiss Taekwoon hesitantly. Hongbin gasped, his arousal spiking as he watched the two alphas kiss each other carefully. He reached out a leg and kicked at Jaehwan and Hakyeon. The angry yelps cut off quickly when both of them saw what was happening.

Sanghyuk pushed closer, pressing his body to Hongbin’s, trying to get closer to Taekwoon. Taekwoon reached up and tugged at the younger alpha’s hair, holding him still and pushing his tongue past his lips into his mouth. He kissed Sanghyuk slowly, giving him time to back away, but thoroughly. He groaned quietly at the taste of the other alpha, at the difference between kissing him and kissing a beta or omega. When Sanghyuk did pull back, it was to catch his breath more than it was to retreat.

“You ok, Hyukkie?” Taekwoon asked quietly. Sanghyuk nodded firmly. His eyes were dark, pupils blown. His lips were red and his breath was short, and he gently pulled Hongbin away so that he could slide onto Taekwoon’s lap.

“Is this ok?” he asked breathlessly. Taekwoon chuckled.

“More than,” he murmured before surging up to kiss Sanghyuk fiercely. They were aware of the others watching them, could smell their arousal in the air, but when Taekwoon pushed Sanghyuk down onto the bed, and Sanghyuk growled and pushed him over so that Taekwoon was on his back, they forgot about them, lost in their own senses.

Wonshik slipped around the bed to sit with Hakyeon, Jaehwan and Hongbin. Hakyeon was eagerly watching the show in front of him and looked seconds away from crawling over to the two alphas. Before he could, however, Hongbin leaned in and kissed him. The two betas drew him between them, pressing kisses to every piece of skin they could find. Jaehwan grinned at Wonshik and reached for him.

The six of them tangled together on the bed. There wasn’t enough room for all of them, so they inevitably crashed into each other again and again. Sanghyuk fell into Hakyeon’s lap as Taekwoon pushed inside of him, and Hakyeon bent down to kiss him through the new sensations. Sanghyuk clung to his hand and gasped, his eyes squeezed closed as he felt Taekwoon begin to move, felt the older alpha’s lips on his skin. Hakyeon reached out and pulled Taekwoon up from their maknae’s body to kiss him himself.

Wonshik was behind Hakyeon, pushing into the omega’s body and watching Hongbin and Jaehwan twine around each other, their hands roaming over smooth skin and pulling silky hair.

Hakyeon revelled in the feelings. The only other time he had truly been with all of them, or some combination of them, all at once, had been during his heat. He could only remember bits and pieces of that, and all of it was hazy. His mind was clear now, clouded only by natural arousal. He could focus, see the way they all moved together, feel their hands and lips and breath on his skin when they touched and kissed him. Best of all, he could  _ feel _ them all, in his heart, in his mind, in his soul. He could feel Sanghyuk’s nervous excitement, Taekwoon’s amazement, Jaehwan’s happiness, Hongbin’s enjoyment, Wonshik’s joy. And he knew they could feel him, too.

They all sprawled on the bed after, naked and satisfied. They lay still for a few moments, and then Taekwoon pulled himself up and started for the shower. He reached out and caught hold of Jaehwan, pulling him with him.

“Come on,” he said to the rest of them. “Let’s clean up.” Sanghyuk groaned.

“Hyung, no, I can’t  _ move _ ,” he whined. Hakyeon snorted.

“Come on, you big baby, if Jaehwannie, Hongbinnie and I can do it, so can you,” he said. He pulled Sanghyuk to his feet, ignoring his pouting, and dragged him to the bathroom. They showered in shifts, and when they were finished they trailed into the living room. Jaehwan, who had finished first, was perusing the movie selection. When they had all arrived, he selected one and pressed play, and they settled in to watch.

Hakyeon curled up against Sanghyuk. He was warm and comfortable. Jaehwan and Wonshik were commentating on the movie, with Hongbin throwing in a comment here and there. Sanghyuk was quiet, and Hakyeon could tell he was still thinking through the last couple of hours. Hakyeon tried, tentatively, to reach out to just Sanghyuk. He concentrated on conveying his question to just the maknae.

_ Are you ok, Hyukkie? _ he asked. He felt Sanghyuk jolt at the unexpected voice in his mind. He looked down at Hakyeon, confused. Hakyeon smiled up at him and pressed a kiss to his chest through his shirt. He felt Sanghyuk reach out for him in response.

_ Hyung? _ he asked. Hakyeon nodded.  _ I didn’t realize we could do this, _ the alpha continued. Hakyeon smiled.

_ It takes some concentration. Are you ok? _ Hakyeon asked again. Sanghyuk smiled and nodded.

_ I’m fine, hyung. It was fun, and I would definitely do it again. It’s just… new, _ he said. Hakyeon studied his face for a moment and then nodded and turned back to the movie, tightening his grip on Sanghyuk’s waist. Jaehwan had chosen a dance movie, about an optimistic ballet dancer and a brooding violin player, and it was silly and sweet. Hakyeon smiled as he watched his pack watch it. Predictably, Jaehwan and Wonshik were emotional, Hongbin was critical and Taekwoon was quiet. Sanghyuk stayed quiet, only occasionally whispering a comment to Hakyeon.

“We’re going home the day after tomorrow,” Taekwoon said. They were having dinner. Hakyeon tensed, not looking forward to it, but nodded. “Hakyeon, you have a doctor’s appointment the day after. Do you want one of us to come with, or do you want to go alone?”

“I would rather go alone, I think,” Hakyeon said. “I have some questions for Dr. Park. I’ll be fine, Woonie,” he said gently when he saw Taekwoon’s brow furrowing, and sensed the worry. Taekwoon nodded.

“I know. Just. Instinct, I guess.” He smiled ruefully.

“By the way,” Hakyeon said, “I wanted to warn you all. I’ll have to start using my soap again. I know we talked about this, but I wanted to make sure you understand that that means I will smell very different.” They all nodded.

“It’ll be the scent you used to have, right, hyung?” Hongbin asked. Hakyeon nodded.

“Yeah, so you all are probably already familiar with it, but after the last couple of weeks it will probably be jarring,” Hakyeon said. He could tell that none of them were happy about it. It was what they had agreed on, and it was necessary if he was going to keep his class a secret once they were back in the city. But it was still him doing something to his body to hide what he was, and he could feel their distaste for the necessity in the air and over their bond.

Taekwoon nodded firmly. “Right. We’ll get used to it eventually, I’m sure,” he said quietly. Hakyeon smiled sadly but nodded, as well.

“We also have our first dance practice day the day after my appointment,” he said. Wonshik furrowed his brow.

“That quickly? Are you sure you’ll be ok, hyung?” Wonshik asked, worried. Hakyeon nodded.

“Of course. I feel much better, Wonshik,” he said. “And we have to start soon if we want to get in enough practice for the fanmeet next week. We’re performing then, and none of us have had any practice in two weeks.” He looked around and took in the worry on every face. Hakyeon sighed. “I’ll be fine, I promise. And for the first one, we won’t go all out, alright? Just brush up on steps. And it won’t be as long as normal.” Taekwoon nodded in agreement, and the rest followed. Hakyeon knew they would be watching him like hawks during the practice, but he didn’t mind. He knew why, and he would take any amount of monitoring and watching and caution necessary to reassure them that he was alright.

The table was quiet for a long moment, the reality of the situation resurfacing in a wave - why they were at the cabin in the first place, what had brought them to this point, how close Hakyeon had come to never getting better. But after a moment, Jaehwan spoke up, loudly commenting on how good the food was, but that he could obviously have done better. This earned amused laughs and one irritated hiss. Hakyeon looked down at his plate, letting them exchange barbs and laughs around him as he pushed the angry, spitting voice yelling at him to the back of his head. He felt a hand on his and looked up into Taekwoon’s dark, serious eyes. He heard the whisper in his mind, quiet and sweet.  _ Stop beating yourself up over this. All that matters is that you’re getting better. We want to help you, and we will. _ Hakyeon smiled and nodded at him. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to the alpha’s cheek, and then stood with Sanghyuk as the youngest started clearing the table.

The next day, as promised, they worked all day. Hakyeon lost track of the number of times he shifted. He was sure it couldn’t have been that many; there were only so many hours of daylight. But Taekwoon had him shifting almost every fifteen minutes by evening, and he was exhausted. It was true that he was improving, and even he saw that. But it was like the worst, most exhaustive dance practice he had ever done, multiplied by ten. By the time the evening sun was stretching golden through the trees, he was flopped on the forest floor in wolf form, panting hard and half a second away from just laying his head down and going to sleep.

He was jolted awake when Jaehwan and Sanghyuk came barreling out of the woods together, rolling and lunging and play fighting. He watched them lazily as they wrestled, amused. He could see Sanghyuk pulling back in places, being careful of his smaller hyung, and Jaehwan could see it, too. The beta was clever, taking advantage of every time the alpha pulled back to lunge and swipe a paw and snap at an ear. Hakyeon lad his head down as he watched them playing, trying to relax his tired muscles. By the end of the day, shifting was nowhere near as painful as it had been those first few times. The last shift, he had barely felt it. Each time went by faster, and his bones and muscles felt more like they were flowing through the shift than the jarring, jolting process it had been just a few days ago. Even so, he was sore.

Hakyeon yelped when something large and heavy fell over him. He glanced around and saw Jaehwan sprawled behind him apparently having tripped over him. Jaehwan immediately shifted and sat down by Hakyeon.

“Hyung! I’m sorry, are you ok?” he asked. Hakyeon took a breath and felt through his body. He was fine. He nodded and nudged his head into Jaehwan’s lap. Jaehwan breathed a sigh of relief and stroked his head gently. They felt Taekwoon nudge them over the bond, checking in after the alarm that had resounded for a moment. Hakyeon nudged back, too tired to try words, but able to send a reassuring wave to everyone. They were fine, he was fine, nothing was wrong.

Privately, Hakyeon wondered how real the concern was. If he played with them, how much would they have to really hold back? In wolf form, the differences between classes were more evident. Alphas were much bigger than betas and omegas, and omegas were smaller than betas. There were differences in build as well, alphas built for strength and betas for speed. Omegas were on the whole slighter and slower. Their bodies were built for reproduction and nurturing. This did not mean they couldn’t hold their own in physical confrontations, but in Hakyeon’s case his wolf form was not only an omega, it was also severely under-developed and the muscles of this form had not been truly stretched in over a decade. He  _ was _ weaker than the rest of them, more fragile.

Taekwoon reached for him, sensing the turn his thoughts had taken. The alpha had gone back to the cabin to start dinner, but he never stopped keeping watch on them.  _ Stop, Hakyeon. None of this is a reason to think less of you. Physical strength is not the only form of strength, and however much you lack there you make up for in the strength you have as a person. _ Hakyeon smiled slightly. He thanked Taekwoon quietly over their bond, drinking in his words and letting them fill him up and make him buoyant. It would be a long while before he had completely worked through everything he had done to himself, and the full extent of the ramifications and consequences, but he knew the alpha and all of his pack would help him through it.

The alpha roused them all through the bond, summoning them back for dinner. Hakyeon ran through the trees, stretching his four legs one more time. He wouldn’t have much chance to run like this once they were back in Seoul, and he had forgotten how much he loved it. He took a deep breath once he got to the porch, and forced his muscles and bones to shift and change into his two legged form. He was panting when he was finished, and he had to lean against the porch railing for a moment before he could move. Wonshik came up behind him quietly and wrapped an arm around his waist.

“You worked too hard today, didn’t you?” he asked. Hakyeon smiled tiredly.

“No. Just hard enough,” he said. “I’m ready for food, bath, and sleep, though, in that order.” Wonshik chuckled as he helped him into the house.

“Just take Sanghyuk with you this time, so he doesn’t whine about it,” he said. Hakyeon laughed and nodded.

“As long as he behaves,” he murmured. They walked inside and slipped clothes on and Wonshik supported Hakyeon into the kitchen and to sit at the table.

“You ok, hyung?” Hongbin asked. He was sitting at the table already and watched worriedly as Hakyeon sank into a chair. He nodded.

“I’m fine, Binnie, just tired and sore.” He smiled and waved off the concern. “Just means I’ll sleep well tonight, right?” Hongbin grimaced.

“I guess. Just - don’t work too hard, ok?” he said. Hakyeon nodded. Hongbin narrowed his eyes. “I don’t believe you, hyung,” he said. Hakyeon only smiled apologetically.

“You know me, Binnie,” he said. “But I promise to be careful, ok? I know my limits, and I won’t go past them. Don’t worry too much.” Hongbin nodded reluctantly. Hakyeon laughed. “Now I don’t believe you.” They grinned at each other as the rest came to the table, bearing food that Hakyeon eagerly reached for. He ate quickly, and then dragged Sanghyuk to run a bath and slide into it. He didn’t remember much of the bath, or getting from there to the bed, but at some point he opened his eyes just a little and he was warm and comfortable in the bed, wrapped in someone’s arms.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

The drive back to Seoul was long, and Hakyeon slept most of the way. He was slightly uncomfortable in the small space, with limited positions. He was still sore from the hours of shifting practice he had agreed to the day before. When they pulled up in front of the dorm, finally, he grumbled and dragged himself out of the car and up the stairs. He did insist on carrying his own bag, and he was vaguely amused by the heavy stares he could feel as his packmates watched carefully for any sign that he might stumble on the stairs. Really, he was fine.

The trip had taken most of the day and the light was already slanted low through the windows when they got into the apartment. Hakyeon made himself unpack and prod the rest of them to do so as well before he flopped onto the couch and stretched out his back and limbs. He groaned when he felt a weight settle on top of him and shoved half-heartedly at whoever it was. He peeked, it was Jaehwan. The beta caught him glaring and grinned. Hakyeon huffed and shifted and squirmed until he was in a comfortable position curled around Jaehwan’s body. It felt good to stretch along the length of the couch. He could feel himself falling asleep and grumbled, trying to keep his eyes open. He had slept for hours that day already.

They ate a light dinner and then Hakyeon sat down to check schedules and plans for the coming days now their vacation was over.

“Ok, guys, tomorrow is our last day off. The day after we go back to regular practices. I have a doctor’s appointment early tomorrow, so I’m going to bed soon, I think,” he said. The others nodded. Taekwoon looked at Hakyeon carefully.

“You’re absolutely sure you’re ready for dance practice?” he asked quietly. Hakyeon smiled and nodded.

“Yes, Taek, I’ll be fine. Thank you for checking, and I appreciate that you’re worried, but I’m ok,” he said. Taekwoon gazed at him steadily for a long moment, searching his face for something. Hakyeon had an idea of what and gazed back just as steadily. He felt the pressure of the alpha’s presence so much more now, but he also saw the respect for him in Taekwoon’s dark eyes. It wasn’t hard to hold his ground, to meet the alpha’s gaze; in fact it felt easier than before.

Taekwoon nodded, finally. “Alright. But you have to promise me that you will listen to your body, and tell us if you need a rest.” His face was stern and Hakyeon nodded solemnly. Taekwoon looked away and the quiet, serious moment broke. Hakyeon began gathering plates and carried them to the kitchen. Jaehwan joined him to help wash and dry the dishes, and then they all began getting ready to sleep.

It was a quiet evening. A part of Hakyeon quailed, remembering strained silences from before his secret came out. For a moment a nasty voice in his head whispered that the bliss and peace from the cabin was never going to follow them back to Seoul, that there was no way they could continue to be so happy, so together, anywhere but in that cabin. But then long arms wrapped around him and he could smell Sanghyuk’s bright peppermint scent. The young alpha yawned quietly next to Hakyeon’s ear.

“Goodnight, hyung,” he said. Hakyeon smiled and turned around to hug Sanghyuk tight.

“Goodnight, Hyukkie, sweet dreams,” he said. Sanghyuk kissed him quickly and grinned. Hakyeon took a deep breath as the quiet sank in again - and he realized that it was comfortable quiet. They had all had a long day, and a long two weeks, nevermind it was supposed to be a vacation. They were tired, and comfortable enough to let that tiredness take over, to not have to talk to be together. He smiled and turned to finish the dishes.

When Hakyeon climbed into bed he sighed happily and curled into his blankets. He was content and serene for a moment, before he became aware that there was no warm breath on his neck, no arms heavy over his side, no bodies pressed against his own. Since his heat, he had never slept alone. He had grown used to the presence of his new pack mates in bed with him, holding him close. He opened his eyes and grimaced. Finally, he climbed out of his own bed and slipped underneath Taekwoon’s blankets.

When Taekwoon walked in the room moments later, he smiled softly at the sight of Hakyeon dozing on his pillow. He got into bed and curled around the omega’s body carefully. Hakyeon shifted against him and mumbled something. His eyes fluttered open for a moment before he registered who was holding him and they closed again.

“Couldn’t sleep on your own, huh?” Taekwoon murmured. Hakyeon shook his head. “I wonder how long it’s going to take the others to come join us.” Hakyeon laughed quietly at that.

Not very long at all, they realized, when barely ten minutes had passed before Hongbin was slipping through their door and pulling Hakyeon’s blankets closer to them so that he could press himself to Hakyeon’s front, and moments later Sanghyuk and Wonshik followed him in. Jaehwan was the last to join them, and when Hakyeon woke up early the next morning he grinned at the tangle of limbs around him.

He carefully pulled himself away to get ready for his doctor’s appointment. He moved around the room carefully, pulling out clothes and taking a drink of water. He heard movement behind him and turned to see Taekwoon sitting up. The alpha saw Hakyeon awake and carefully stood, rolling his eyes fondly at the way the other four seemed to just ooze closer together to fill the spaces left behind. He strode quickly over to Hakyeon and held him close.

“Hm? Woonie, what is it?” Hakyeon asked, his arms snaking around Taekwoon’s waist. Taekwoon pressed his nose into Hakyeon’s hair and breathed deep. Hakyeon’s breath hitched when he realized what was happening.

“I know that you have to, but I really don’t want you to start hiding your scent again,” Taekwoon murmured. His voice was small, a whisper, and Hakyeon tightened his grip. He looked up and caught the alpha’s dark gaze. He leaned up and pressed a sweet kiss to his lips and leaned his forehead against Taekwoon’s when he pulled away.

“I don’t really want to, either,” he whispered. “Being like this with all of you, I - I never could have imagined that this might actually happen. I can’t believe how happy I am right now.” Taekwoon smiled.

“I’m glad we make you happy,” he said. Hakyeon grinned suddenly, bright and sunny and blinding.

“So, so happy,” he said, nodding firmly. Taekwoon stared at him intensely for a long moment. He brought one hand up to cup Hakyeon’s cheek, stroked his thumb over his cheekbone and then kissed his forehead.

“I can’t even say that I wish we were all you needed to be happy, so you would never have to hide. If I wished that I would be wishing that you were someone else, not my Hakyeon, our dancer.” Hakyeon’s breath was catching in his throat, tears pricking at his eyes as Taekwoon spoke. He reached up and pushed his fingers into Taekwoon’s hair, tangled them in the silky strands, and stretched up onto his toes to kiss the alpha’s forehead. He trailed feather light kisses down the bridge of his nose, over his cheeks, over his closed eyes, and finally pressed their lips together softly.

“I love you, Taekwoon,” he murmured. “I love all of you so much. And I love you even more for knowing that I love dancing too much to stop.” Taekwoon smiled sadly and then straightened his shoulders.

“Come on, Yeonnie, let’s take a shower,” he said. Hakyeon smiled and followed Taekwoon as he tugged him into the bathroom. They pulled off their pyjamas and Taekwoon turned on the shower. He pulled Hakyeon in and laughed when Hakyeon immediately pushed the alpha under the spray and began washing him. Hakyeon grinned up at him happily. He helped wash his hair, as well, and then smiled as Taekwoon switched places with him and did the same.

When Hakyeon was clean, he automatically reached out for the cabinet over the sink that no one ever used and pulled out the bottle of body wash. He turned back and saw Taekwoon staring at it, his eyes sad and face tense. Hakyeon paused. He hadn’t anticipated how hard it would be to do this again after barely a week and a half not using it. Taekwoon reached out and took the bottle from him. He examined it, and opened it to sniff the contents. Hakyeon saw him wrinkle his nose and smiled sadly.

“It’s pretty strong, it has to be,” he murmured. Taekwoon nodded.

“It’s not that it smells bad, it’s just… not you,” he said. Hakyeon laughed mirthlessly.

“That’s kind of the point,” he said. Taekwoon sighed and then poured some into his palm. He lathered it between his hands and then began spreading it across Hakyeon’s skin in broad, steady strokes. Hakyeon gasped and blinked furiously against more tears as he watched his beautiful, powerful alpha help him to put on his disguise, to be something, someone, he was not. His skin tingled, not used to the soap after the break, but it didn’t hurt. He could almost swear he felt it sinking into his pores, saturating his skin and covering over the light, sweet scent of spring blooms. He had a flash of worry - his own scent had been steadily recovering, turning more and more pleasant, less cloying. It was evidence of his recovery. Would this change that? Would he wash this soap off tonight and be greeted with the sickly sweet smell of rotting flowers again? He shook his head, not letting himself think of it.

Gentle hands pushed him back under the spray from the shower and helped to rinse the suds from his skin. When they finally climbed out and dried off, Hakyeon smelled strongly of a smoky wood fire, no hint that he was anything but an alpha.

They got dressed quietly, trying not to wake the others. Hakyeon stiffened as he pulled on his jeans, gasping, his face flushing. Taekwoon glanced at him in concern before remembering. He smirked and leaned in.

“So it’s true, then,” he murmured. Hakyeon glared at him and then whimpered. He leaned into Taekwoon’s shoulder - bare, still, as he hadn’t put on his shirt yet - and tried to steady his breathing. He hadn’t worn jeans in days, hadn’t been prepared for the denim to brush against his claim mark like that, for the shock of sensation to rush through him. Taekwoon reached up and combed his fingers through Hakyeon’s hair. He pulled his head back to look at him. “You alright?” he asked. Hakyeon took a deep breath and nodded. He bit his lip and grinned.

“I like it,” he murmured. “Like knowing that you’re with me - all of you.” Taekwoon smiled.

“Always, Hakyeon,” he murmured. He pressed a long kiss to Hakyeon’s forehead and then pulled away to finish dressing and start breakfast. They ate quietly, but Hakyeon reached across the table to tangle his fingers with Taekwoon’s. He squeezed them gently, a silent _thank you_ for being so incredibly perfect, for taking care of him, for supporting him. Taekwoon squeezed back and swept his thumb across the top of Hakyeon’s hand once. _You’re welcome. You’re mine. Ours. We are here for you._

Hakyeon’s appointment was early, so he left before the others woke up. Taekwoon watched as he gathered his things. “You’re sure you don’t want me to come along?” he asked. Hakyeon rolled his eyes and gave him a look. Taekwoon held his hands up. “I just worry about you, that’s all,” he said. Hakyeon smiled.

“I know. But really, Taek, I’ll be fine,” he said. “I’ve been taking care of myself for years now.” Taekwoon nodded slowly. Hakyeon smiled reassuringly and leaned up to press a kiss to his mouth. “Give the others good morning kisses from me. I’ll be back soon!” he said. He waved and slipped out the door. Taekwoon groaned and sank onto the couch. What had seemed so simple, if slightly daunting, at the cabin now looked much more complicated.

Hakyeon sighed as he made his way down to the street and to the train station. He knew they meant well, but he couldn’t help wondering for just a moment if being back in the city, among so many other people, Taekwoon and the others would actually start seeing him differently. Taekwoon was obviously supportive, and would absolutely be behind him, but Hakyeon desperately wanted to be able to convey how they really _didn’t_ need to worry about him anymore. Honestly, he had been doing this for thirteen years. Now his body wasn’t falling apart, he would be fine.

He put it out of his mind as he went on his way, instead going over what he wanted to ask Dr. Park when he saw him. He pulled out his phone to type some questions down so he wouldn’t forget, and smiled when he saw a text from Taekwoon.

      _From: Woonie_

_I know you can take care of yourself. I respect that, and you. But please let me worry about you. I love you, and it’s hard not to._

_To: Woonie_

_Thank you. I love you and worry about you, too, I understand. I just don’t want you to think differently of me now._

_From: Woonie_

_I don’t. You’re still the same pain in the ass workaholic I’ve always known. Just now, I can feel you in my heart and all I want is to protect all five of you._

Hakyeon scoffed and teared up simultaneously at that. He smiled as he typed a response before putting his phone in his pocket and getting up to get off the train.

      _To: Woonie_

_I don’t know how you’ve managed to convince any fans that you’re stoic and cold, you sap. I love you. Have to go, I’m at my stop._

He strode away from the station and into the hospital. It was a nice change to walk in here on his own instead of wake up here or stumble in supported by a band member. He waited for the nurse, went to get his vitals checked, and then sat in the room to wait for Dr. Park.

When the doctor came in, he looked apprehensive, and Hakyeon watched as his shoulders tensed when he smelled the same scent as the last appointment. Hakyeon smiled, though, greeted him politely. Dr. Park sat down in the chair across from Hakyeon and looked at him, gaze level and steady, for a moment.

“Well, Hakyeon, you seem to be doing better,” he said cautiously. “And there is a conspicuous lack of anxious boys outside waiting for you - well enough to come alone?” he asked. Hakyeon grinned sheepishly and looked down.

“I’m feeling much better, Dr. Park,” he murmured. “And I guess you were right about them - they don’t hate me. They know, and they don’t hate me.” Dr. Park took a moment to process what Hakyeon had just said, and then a slow smile spread across his face.

“Should I take this to mean that you shifted?” he asked. Hakyeon nodded.

“And… other things,” he said, his face flaming. Dr. Park laughed at that and nodded.

“Yes, I’m not surprised that came along with the shifting. You smell the same, though, why is that?” he asked.

“I’m still using the soap,” Hakyeon said. “Not the suppressants, I stopped those, but I still can’t reveal what I am, so I still use the soap every day to mask my scent.” Dr. Park nodded slowly.

“Alright. I’ll examine you today, and we’ll see if there’s anything wrong with that. The main problems were the suppressants and the not shifting, so it should be fine.” He stood. “Can you shift for me now?” he asked. Hakyeon nodded shakily and took a deep breath. He took off his clothes and focused, bringing on the change. It went quickly, and relatively painlessly. He was still panting when he sat on the floor in his wolf form, exhausted from the effort, and it wasn’t as smooth as the transitions of his packmates. Dr. Park nodded and made some notes on his computer.

He helped Hakyeon up onto the examination table and examined the little wolf’s limbs and muscles. After a long seven minutes - Hakyeon watched the clock the whole time - the doctor nodded and sat down again.

“You can change back and get dressed, Hakyeon,” he said. This change was always easier, and went much more smoothly. Hakyeon gasped and stumbled for a moment before getting his bearings and quickly pulling on his clothes. When he was dressed, he sat panting on the chair. He felt Taekwoon nudge at his mind through their bond, and pushed back to let him know he was fine. He sat up slowly and nodded when the doctor asked if he was alright.

“I’m fine,” he said. “It’s still hard. Hurts - not as much now as the first few times, but still hurts a bit. But it’s getting easier. Quicker.”

“When did you first shift?” Dr. Park asked. Hakyeon counted quickly.

“About a week ago? I think. Maybe a little less,” he said.

“And when did your heat start?” Hakyeon flushed just thinking about it.

“Ah. Um, it’s a little hazy, but, maybe - a little less than two weeks ago? I don’t totally remember the couple of days leading up to it. I think I was already kind of in heat, then, but the suppressants were still sort of working,” he said. Dr. Park nodded.

“It is normal to go through some form of pre-heat,” he said. “Most omegas report hot flashes, lightheadedness and fatigue as the most common signs of it.” Hakyeon nodded. “How long did the heat last?” he asked next. Hakyeon flushed yet again.

“Uh, five days, I think,” he said quietly. Dr. Park looked startled. “Is that not normal?” he asked. The doctor shook his head slowly.

“No, most heats are three days, maximum. Maybe a little over, but five days is very long. You had never gone into heat before, so I think it’s safe to assume this was your body making up for that.” The doctor wrote a couple more notes, and then turned to Hakyeon and smiled. “Right! Well, from what I can see you are definitely on the mend. Do you have any questions?” he asked.

Hakyeon nodded and pulled out his phone. “Yes, I was wondering a few things. We - my band and I - decided to keep this a secret. To the public, I’m still and alpha. To do that, I do have to keep using the soap. So first, is that safe?” he asked.

“It seems to be. If you start feeling uncomfortable, if your wolf seems lethargic, come talk to me and bring the soap with you. But from what I can tell today, that should be fine.” Hakyeon nodded.

“And - well, my scent has started to get better. I told you before, it used to be like flowers in spring, and it had gotten sort of sickly?” Dr. Park nodded. “It’s not the same yet as it used to be, but it is getting better. I was just wondering if using the soap might reverse that.”

“I doubt it,” Dr. Park said slowly. “As I said, the main problems were the suppressants and not shifting. Your scent changing was because your wolf was unhealthy. If your wolf is getting healthier, so will your scent.” Hakyeon nodded.

“And my wolf - is it getting better? It’s so small…” he trailed off, uncertain. Dr. Park smiled sadly.

“It is very small,” he said. “Even for an omega, a wolf your age should be larger. Definitely it should have more muscle mass. If you continue shifting, continue to use your wolf form, that should change. You’ll build up strength and muscles over time. I doubt your wolf will ever be that much larger than it is now, however. And, Hakyeon - you are getting better. But your wolf side and your human side are still not aligned the way they are meant to be.” Hakyeon swallowed a lump in his throat and nodded. “Because you had your first heat at 26, when your wolf had already stalled development for so long, your two halves fused at different stages of development. At this point, I can’t say what that will mean for you. You shouldn’t worry about it too much, but I would like to keep an eye on it.”

“Of course,” Hakyeon said. “Do you have a guess as to - as to how intense my heats will be?” he asked next. “It’s just I - this one was a lot. And I can’t really do my job when five days out of every month I’m - well. You know.” His face flamed. Dr. Park chuckled and nodded.

“It’s hard to say, as there is no baseline for you. Every omega is different, and every omega experiences heat differently. I doubt you will have many more five day heats, if any. That is unheard of, as far as I know, in normal circumstances. As for how intense they will be, it’s hard to say without at least one more to compare this one to.” Hakyeon nodded.

“If it turns out they will be that intense - is there any way of, not suppressing them, but helping me deal with them? I don’t think I could deal with something like that every month.” Dr. Park winced and nodded.

“Again, we’ll have to wait and see what the next one is like,” he said. Hakyeon grimaced but nodded. “There are medications that can help omegas weather heats. They are safe, but I want to be cautious. I worry that too much manipulation of your bodily functions and your natural processes might slow your healing, and in the worst case reverse it.”

“So for now, just let them happen?” he asked. Dr. Park nodded apologetically.

“I’m afraid so, yes. I want to see you regularly for a while, just to monitor your progress. After we know a little more about how your body is healing, we can discuss ways of regulating your heats. And next time, bring in the soap. I would like to look at it.” Hakyeon nodded. “I think that’s all, unless you have any more questions?” He shook his head and smiled. “Hakyeon, I do just want to say that I am very glad this has all worked out like this. I think I do understand, at least partly, why you were so willing to make the decision you made, but I am very happy that this didn’t have to go there.” Hakyeon smiled and nodded.

“I am, too, Dr. Park,” he murmured. He laughed. “I know my bandmates so well, but you got the measure of them after one meeting, and you were write. We talked, a lot, and they were upset at what I was doing to myself, but never at what I was.” He sniffed and rolled his eyes as tears started to prick at them. “I feel so much better, and being with them, in the same room as them, feels like so much more, now.” Dr. Park smiled.

“No one who looks at someone the way those boys look at you could ever have been angry over this, Hakyeon. I’m very happy that this has worked out well.” He stood and held out a hand. Hakyeon stood and shook it, bowing in thanks. “You can schedule an appointment at the desk, I’ll see you soon, Hakyeon,” he said. Hakyeon nodded and stepped out. He wiped his eyes quickly before walking up to the desk to set up his next appointment. As he walked out of the hospital, he smiled happily. He could tell this would take work, but when had he ever been afraid of that? And this time he would have help. For a moment as he stood on the train, his hood up and a face mask on, he let himself focus on the drag of denim over his inner thigh, reminding him that he would never be alone again. He had a pack, and they would catch him if he fell, lift him higher than he could get on his own, and hold him down so his feet stayed firmly planted.

_Yes. We will._ He smiled at Taekwoon’s quiet voice in his mind, and suddenly all he wanted was for the train to go faster, so he could be back in their apartment, surrounded by his pack. They all felt that desire, he could tell, and when he did finally open the door he was immediately enveloped in a tangle of arms. He laughed and let them drag him to the couch and pull him down to cuddle.

“Miss me?” he asked, chuckling. He yelped when someone nipped his arm through his sleeve. He settled, relaxing into the cushions.

“What did the doctor say?” Taekwoon asked. The alpha was standing and watching them with an amused glint in his eye. Hakyeon grinned and reached for him.

“He said I’m doing well and I’m on track.” He used the hand Taekwoon and given him to pull the alpha down for a kiss, and then was promptly set upon by the rest as they all demanded their own kisses - _“It’s only fair, hyung!” Jaehwan said_ \- before he could finish, laughing. “He wants to see me regularly for a while to keep an eye on my wolf, and after I’ve had my next heat we’re going to talk about what he thinks the trend might be for those - how intense they’ll be - and work out how to deal with them.” Sanghyuk’s head popped up from the pile of bodies.

“I thought we were going to help you with them,” he said. Hakyeon flushed and glared at him.

“And I’m sure you will. But if they’re all going to be that intense, I want to talk to him about safe medications to just regulate them. I won’t do anything without his ok, and anything I do will be monitored, but that heat was a lot. I’m not going to say it wasn’t fun, because it was, but it was also too intense for that kind of thing to happen regularly,” Hakyeon explained. Sanghyuk scowled but nodded.

“Just - be careful.” Hakyeon smiled and reached out to pet Sanghyuk’s hair.

“I will, Hyukkie,” he said.

“And can you also wash this soap off? We don’t have anywhere to be for the rest of the day and I want your scent, not this fake one,” he said bluntly. Hakyeon scoffed and swatted his shoulder gently.

“Honestly, is it just impossible for you to be respectful of your elders?” he asked. The corners of his lips twitched up and took the sting from the words and Sanghyuk grinned impishly.

“He has a point, hyung,” Hongbin said from where his head was buried in Hakyeon’s neck. He sat up. “It’s jarring. And we don’t have anywhere to go.” Hakyeon huffed and pulled himself up and away from all of them.

“Fine, fine, I’ll go shower,” he said. Taekwoon chuckled and grabbed his arm as he walked by. He pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“I’m glad you’re ok,” he murmured. Hakyeon smiled and kissed his cheek before walking into the bathroom. As he stood under the spray, washing the soap from his skin and breathing in his own scent - still healthy, he noticed happily - he closed his eyes and let the warm feeling coiled in his stomach fill him, calm and steady and happy and safe and loved and in love.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a sharp right turn into angst-ville, but it's also a chapter the day after the last one was posted so that's something, right? And it's always darkest before the dawn, anyway.
> 
> Thanks so much again for reading!

They were taking a break. Taekwoon had called it, but all of the members and the dance instructor could see that it was really for Hakyeon. He was visibly exhausted, his face pale and sweaty, shaking so hard he could barely hold his water bottle. The shaking had started an hour ago, but Hakyeon had grimly pursed his lips and continued dancing. Taekwoon’s jaw was tense as he watched, desperately holding onto his control so he didn’t drag Hakyeon from the room and give away his secret, however much he wanted to order the omega to stay in bed until his body was actually strong enough for this.

Taekwoon walked over to him stiffly and helped him sit down on the floor. Hakyeon smiled vacantly in thanks and took a long drink of water.

“Hakyeon, are you alright?” Hakyeon brought his eyes back to Taekwoon’s face quickly and smiled.

“I’m fine, Taekwoon,” he said. “Just a little tired. Don’t worry.” Taekwoon didn’t look convinced, so Hakyeon reached out and patted his shoulder gently. He smiled as brightly as he could and nodded decisively. “Really, I’ll be fine. Come on, let’s go again.” He pulled himself up from the floor slowly, nodding in thanks when Taekwoon helped him discreetly. Taekwoon sighed and nodded.

“Fine. But remember your promise - you have to tell us if you need a break. It’s fine if you can’t jump right back into our old schedule right away, you know,” he said quietly. Hakyeon nodded stiffly and then called out to start the music again. Taekwoon kept a careful eye on the leader, watching as his steps grew sloppy and then as he reigned them back in, forcing his body to move with an impressive amount of control and precision - or at least, it would have been impressive if it hadn’t been for the increasingly pained grimace on his face.

An hour passed, Hakyeon doggedly continuing to practice even when it was clear it was doing more harm than good, the rest of the members casting anxious glances at each other. The last straw came when they called another break and Hakyeon went to sit and stumbled and fell. He fell into the wall and clutched at it to stay standing, but was clearly sliding down and unable to support himself. Taekwoon growled, the sound ripping through the room and making everyone freeze. He strode over to Hakyeon and grabbed him, keeping him upright.

“Ok, we’re done,” he declared. “Practice is over.” Hakyeon forced himself up, shaking his head.

“No, it’s fine, I can keep going!” he said. Taekwoon glared. Hakyeon glared back.

“No, Hakyeon, I think he’s right on this one,” the dance instructor said. He looked uncertain when Hakyeon switched his glare to him, but then steeled himself when he saw that Taekwoon was also glaring at him, looking much more forbidding than the pale, shivering leader. “You need to rest. We can continue tomorrow. There’s plenty of time, but you do no one any good if you can’t stand, let alone dance.” Hakyeon huffed but allowed Taekwoon to help him to the bench in the corner of the room.

“Fine,” he groused. He reached for his bag and got ready to go. The drive home was silent, tense this time, but Hakyeon didn’t notice. He stared out the window, and barely moved when they stopped to pick up dinner to eat in the car, everyone too tired to cook. When they got back to the apartment he shook off any help that was offered. He grabbed his bag and pulled himself up the staircase and through the door. He stormed through the apartment and into the bathroom, slammed the door behind him and got in the shower.

“Hongbin, can you go make sure he doesn’t slip and fall?” Taekwoon asked quietly. Hongbin nodded quickly. He knocked tentatively.

“What?” Hakyeon called.

“Can I join you, hyung? I’m tired, I’d like to get to sleep soon,” he said.

“Sure,” Hakyeon said. He sounded calmer now he knew that it wasn’t Taekwoon. Hongbin slipped in and took off his clothes. He climbed into the shower to find Hakyeon sitting on the floor washing his hair.

“Hyung?” he asked carefully.

“It’s nothing. I’m fine, just tired. I don’t want to slip,” Hakyeon said briskly. He didn’t look at Hongbin. The beta sighed and gently pushed Hakyeon’s hands away to take over washing his hair.

“Hakyeon, let me, please,” he murmured when Hakyeon tried to stop him. “Just let me take care of you. Just until we’re out of the shower.” Hakyeon sighed and relaxed. Hongbin could see his lips were white, pursed in a straight line. For a moment he could swear he caught them trembling but then Hakyeon’s face was still again.

“Sorry everything is so tense, Binnie,” Hakyeon said. Hongbin smiled and shook his head.

“It’s ok. We all knew there would be a learning curve for this new dynamic. We’ll get through it,” he said. Hakyeon smiled and reached out a hand to grip Hongbin’s hip. He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead on the beta’s stomach. Hongbin held him close, combed his fingers through soapy hair, and then gently pulled him up. “Come on. Let’s get cleaned up,” he murmured. Hakyeon stood and leaned heavily against the beta. Hongbin smiled sadly and pulled him under the water to rinse the shampoo out of his hair. He lathered conditioner into it and then carefully pushed Hakyeon upright so he could wash his skin. Hakyeon smiled when Hongbin took in an almost startled breath as the smoky smell washed away, replaced by Hakyeon’s own scent.

“That’s - jarring,” Hongbin said slowly. Hakyeon laughed.

When Hakyeon had rinsed out his hair they traded places. Hakyeon batted Hongbin’s hands away and carefully began washing his hair. His arms started aching quickly and he grimaced. Hongbin carefully pulled his hands away and smiled.

“It’s ok, hyung,” he said. “It’s ok to be tired. It’s ok to let us help you, and it’s ok to rest. Sometimes.” Hakyeon nodded. He picked up soap and began washing Hongbin’s shoulders slowly.

“I know. I just - I’ve been doing everything myself for so long. And so much of who I am comes from the last thirteen years, from when I was really not an omega. I can’t just let that go.” His voice was quiet, and he wouldn’t look at Hongbin as he spoke. That didn’t even really scratch the surface of what he was feeling and they both knew it. Hongbin considered his words carefully, wanting to just get to the bottom of everything but knowing that Hakyeon wasn’t ready for that yet.

“We’re not asking you to give that up, though, hyung. We want you as you are, letting us help you isn’t going to take away from who you are, is it?” he asked. Hakyeon shrugged.

“No, I guess not,” he said. Hongbin could tell that there was still a storm raging behind his hyung’s dark eyes, and he wanted more than anything to calm it. He leaned his forehead against Hakyeon’s and sighed. It had all seemed so, so simple in the sun and wind of the mountain cabin, the smell of the pine forest heavy in the air. Back here, in Seoul where the sunlight filtered around tall buildings and the air smelled of cars and people and pavement and rattled with the sounds of the city, everything seemed harder.

“Come on, Binnie, let’s go to bed,” Hakyeon said gently. Hongbin nodded and turned the water off. He helped Hakyeon out of the bathtub and steadied him while he got dressed. When they came out of the bathroom, Hakyeon smiled tiredly at the other four members waiting in the living room. “Sorry for taking so long, guys,” he said.

“It’s fine, hyung. Feeling better?” Wonshik looked worried as he stood and came over to them. Hakyeon mustered a big smile and wrapped an arm around Hongbin’s waist.

“Of course I am. It was nothing Hongbin couldn’t fix,” he said brightly. Hongbin snorted and shook his head. Wonshik grinned and kissed Hakyeon quickly. He slipped past them into the bathroom and laughed as Sanghyuk and Jaehwan yelled at him and chased after him. Hakyeon watched as all three of them piled into the room. “Don’t hurt yourselves!” he called. There was a thump. Hakyeon winced.

“Don’t worry, hyung, we’re fine!” Jaehwan yelled back. There was another thump. Hakyeon sighed. Hongbin snickered. He pulled away from Hakyeon and went to get a glass of water. Hakyeon turned to Taekwoon and crossed his arms. The alpha was sitting on the couch, his arms crossed and his face blank.

“You promised me you would be careful, Hakyeon,” he said quietly. Hakyeon winced.

“I know, Taekwoon. I’m being careful.” Taekwoon raised an eyebrow.

“Pushing yourself to the point of collapse isn’t being careful, Hakyeon. That’s what you were doing before.” Hakyeon sucked in a breath.

“That’s low, Taek,” he whispered. Taekwoon sighed.

“I know. But you almost fainted today. You were shaking for most of practice. That’s not careful, that’s straining your body past your limits. You could hurt yourself, badly, if you continue to do that.” His voice was steady, level, but Hakyeon could hear how sad he was, how worried. Part of him strained to rush to Taekwoon’s arms, to reassure him, tell him he was fine, that he would be more careful, that it would be ok. But he held himself back. He couldn’t lose himself. And no matter how much he agreed with what Hongbin had said to him - that letting them help him wouldn’t actually mean giving up on who he was - he knew that if he compromised on this, if he held back here, he _would_ be losing himself. He would be giving in to the weakness.

Taekwoon’s gaze was heavy on his face, and he knew the alpha was trying to read his expression. As irritated as he was with the man, he appreciated that he hadn’t just pushed into his mind to figure out what he was thinking.

“I’m fine, Taekwoon. I’ll be fine tomorrow, and I was fine today,” he said finally. Taekwoon groaned quietly.

“But you weren’t fine today, Hakyeon,” he said. His voice was tight, restrained, just barely holding back from yelling. Hakyeon sighed irritably.

“Yes, I was! I know my body, Taekwoon! I know I have to be careful, and I will be and I am, but please don’t act like you know my body better than I do!” Taekwoon ground his teeth, and part of Hakyeon now wanted the alpha to explode, to let the words he was obviously holding back burst from him. It was silent for a long moment. The bond was tense, all four of the others obviously listening in and waiting for the explosion, but finally Hakyeon stopped. He sighed loudly. “I don’t want to fight,” he mumbled. Taekwoon’s expression softened. He stood up and pulled Hakyeon into his arms.

“Neither do I,” he whispered. Hakyeon sank into him. His chest was broad and warm, his heartbeat loud in Hakyeon’s ears. He shivered as the strong arms wrapped tightly around him. “I just want you to be safe.” Hakyeon nodded.

“I know.” He didn’t say anything else, just stood in the circle of Taekwoon’s arms and listened to his breath, to his heart. Taekwoon pressed a kiss to Hakyeon’s forehead and breathed in deeply. Hakyeon smiled. He knew Taekwoon was breathing in Hakyeon’s scent, his real scent. Hongbin had done the same thing in the shower, and Wonshik and Jaehwan had done it as well, this morning before he got up.

The bathroom door opened, and moments later Hakyeon felt warm hands on his hips and someone pressed to his back. “Go take a shower, Taekwoon hyung,” Wonshik said. “Come on, Hakyeon hyung, let’s go to bed.” He and the others gently pulled Hakyeon away from Taekwoon and into the bedroom. He curled up on the bed and shuffled around as they all settled with him. He smiled as he heard one after another of them settle and fall asleep, their breathing slowing.

He kept himself awake until he heard Taekwoon come in and slide into bed with them, and then he relaxed and let himself fall asleep.

When Hakyeon woke up the next morning, he groaned and curled further into the warm mass of blankets and bodies, not wanting to get up. He stayed there for a minute - he counted - and then pushed himself up to climb over Jaehwan and Sanghyuk. When he was standing he realized that Taekwoon was absent - he sniffed and smiled slightly at the smell of food coming from the kitchen. He showered quickly, dressed, and went to wake the others up. He smiled when each of them groaned miserably, each one trying to move away from his hands only to roll into one of the others. When he finally had them all sitting up and groggily blinking, he went to the kitchen.

Taekwoon was facing the stove. Hakyeon bit his lip and hesitated - they hadn’t gone to bed _angry_ , but nothing had really been resolved. He must have waited a moment too long, because he was startled out of his dithering by Taekwoon’s quiet voice.

“We’re not done talking, but I’m never too mad to hug you in the mornings.” Hakyeon looked up and smiled when he saw Taekwoon looking at him, his arms open. He was across the kitchen in a moment, diving into the tight embrace. “I love you, Hakyeon,” Taekwoon murmured.

“I love you, too, Taekwoon.” Hakyeon leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to Taekwoon’s lips. They smiled into the kiss for a moment before Taekwoon gently pushed Hakyeon back to take the food off the stove and set the table.

The atmosphere at breakfast was light, happy, and Hakyeon let himself fall into it, loved the easy laughter and warm bond. If not for the faint tension still present in Taekwoon’s face, present in the bond between them, he almost could have believed that nothing was wrong.

That atmosphere lasted until noon. They started strong, and Hakyeon felt comfortable in his body, felt his body doing what he commanded it with ease. He pushed himself, and when his body responded well and there was no pain, no straining, no shaking, he pushed himself further. Taekwoon called for frequent breaks, and Hakyeon thought they were a little too often, but he wasn’t annoyed. By noon, he could feel the fatigue creeping up on him, his limbs slightly heavier than before, but he still pushed through it.

An hour after they had stopped for lunch, Hakyeon stumbled. He grit his teeth, grinned and waved it off, and immediately tried the step again. He noticed the concern from his packmates but put it aside. He was fine, it was just a misstep. They ran the routine again. Perfect.

And then he stumbled again. This time, Hakyeon gasped as a cramp shot up his leg. When everyone immediately turned to him he waved them off impatiently, but he couldn’t hide the wince. He grimaced when Taekwoon immediately called for a break.

“I’m fine, Taekwoon, and we’ve taken enough breaks - ”

“Rest. Just for a moment, Hakyeon, drink some water and rest,” Taekwoon interrupted him. Hakyeon glared but sat down for a moment. He took a sip of water, counted to twenty and stretched out his leg. He stood up quickly and demanded they continue. He could see Taekwoon grinding his teeth, holding back a growl, but he ignored it and faced the mirrors.

They ran the routine again. Again, Hakyeon stumbled, but he held on, continued dancing. He insisted on going again, and again, and each time he stumbled more. He snarled internally, yanking his body back into control - there! Finally. That run through went well. He was back on track. He ignored the rumblings of pain in his back and pushed on.

And then he fell in the next run through. He groaned aloud this time, angry, and hit his fist on the floor. He was panting, sweating, and he could feel the trembling from the day before starting again. He pushed himself up, tried to stand, but Wonshik had to catch him.

“Right, we’re done for the day,” Taekwoon said firmly. The dance instructor nodded and began packing up. Hakyeon curled his hands into fists and took a deep breath.

“Hakyeon - ” he looked up at their instructor’s voice. “You should get some rest. I don’t know the details, but it seems like whatever you had was pretty intense. Let yourself heal,” he said. Hakyeon sighed and nodded. They packed up and went home. Hakyeon curled up on the couch immediately, sinking into himself and thinking. Dancing had never been this hard. Long practices had been his routine since he was a teenager. He should be able to push through long days like this, no problem. He had been doing it right up to his actual collapse before, he couldn’t need that much recovery time! He rubbed his face roughly, trying to focus. He had to figure out something to do. They had a performance coming up in only a few days, and they were supposed be training for their comeback already.

He startled when Jaehwan came to get him for dinner but smiled. He ate quietly, still thinking, and after he went to shower alone. He was the leader! He couldn’t have them coddling him all the time. For one thing, too much of this in public and it was only a matter of time until someone figured it out. Fans were observant and imaginative - any sign that he was different, and they would be off with their theories and investigations. And anyway, he was supposed to take care of them, of Vixx! How could he do that if he couldn’t even get through one of their normal practices?

When Hakyeon came out of the shower, only Taekwoon was still in the living room. He looked serious, and Hakyeon sighed. He really didn’t want to fight, not now. He could feel the stress building up in him, making him short-tempered and anxious, and he didn’t want to add more tension to it.

“Taekwoon?” he asked cautiously. The alpha looked up and took a deep breath.

“Hakyeon, you - ”

“I can’t push myself this much. I know that’s what you think,” Hakyeon said bitterly. Taekwoon scowled.

“Yes. I do think that. Because you almost fainted yesterday, and you collapsed today and couldn’t get up by yourself.” Hakyeon sighed.

“I was just tired! I’m getting better, and I can’t build up my stamina again if I don’t push myself! You know that!” he exclaimed.

“And you know that you don’t build up stamina in a day, Hakyeon! It takes time! You have to let your body heal, and work back up to where you were!” Hakyeon scoffed.

“I know that! And, like I told you before, I know my body! I’m being careful, just let me figure it out, Taekwoon!” He heard the others coming out of the bedroom and cursed under his breath. He didn’t want this to happen.

“Clearly, you don’t know your body!” Taekwoon said loudly. Hakyeon gaped. “Hakyeon, _you collapsed._ You _couldn’t get up_. Did you mean for that to happen? Was that the goal? Because otherwise, I don’t see how the last two days are a prime example of your self-awareness!”

“And what, you somehow know better than me? Is that it?” Hakyeon asked, his voice tense. “You don’t know anything about this, Taekwoon, _nothing_ except what you’ve maybe gleaned from my head! This is _my_ problem, and I am dealing with it, just like I’ve dealt with every other problem I’ve ever had!”

“What, by ignoring it?” Taekwoon’s voice was hard, his eyes cold, and Hakyeon’s heart clenched, seized as if someone had punched it.

“Take that back, Jung Taekwoon,” he said quietly. Taekwoon looked at him steadily. “Is that what you think of me?” All of his bravado and anger was leaving him now, withering at the thought that maybe Taekwoon really saw him that way, covered over by hurt and shock.

“Of course not. But it is what you’re doing right now, and you have to be more careful, Hakyeon,” Taekwoon said. Hakyeon couldn’t speak. He blinked rapidly, cursing the tears that were threatening to fall. Taekwoon stood before him, calm and cold in the flesh, but a towering column of fiery anger in his mind, over their bond. Somewhere, deep inside, Hakyeon realized Taekwoon wasn’t actually angry at _him_ , but that place was hidden by his own anger, his own indignation, and he ignored it. He turned away and walked into Wonshik, Sanghyuk and Hongbin’s room. They had been sleeping in the other room the past few nights, but he couldn’t be around Taekwoon, not tonight. He felt more than heard Wonshik and Sanghyuk follow him, felt them curl around him, pet his sides and hair, press kisses to his skin, trying to comfort him. Jaehwan and Hongbin must be with Taekwoon.

He wiped his eyes angrily, pushing away the tears, and relaxed into Wonshik’s chest, curled his hand in Sanghyuk’s shirt, and fell asleep. He dreamed, that terrible nightmare again, of all of them leaving him, abandoning him in the woods, but this time when he woke up sobbing it was to two pairs of hands only, gentling him back to sleep, and he felt cold as his half-asleep mind took that, twisted it, and murmured that Taekwoon had already left.

The next morning when he woke up, he rushed to the kitchen first. He gasped in relief when he saw the tall alpha standing there. He hadn’t gone. He burned the sight of him standing at the stove into his mind, and then slipped away and into the shower - joined this time by a sleepy Hongbin who smiled and kissed him gently, held him close and then helped spread smoky soap over his body. They ate breakfast quietly, the whole table tense. It was a devastating departure from the warm happiness of the day before, and the cold ball in Hakyeon’s stomach grew.

Breakfast was over quickly, and they piled into the car. When they arrived in the practice studio, their dance instructor took one look at them all and his face fell. He knew something was very wrong. Taekwoon looked at Hakyeon once. “Be careful,” he said emphatically, and Hakyeon nodded.

Two hours later, Hakyeon collapsed to the floor against the wall, panting hard. His shirt was sticking to his sweaty skin and his muscles were throbbing. They had been working for two hours with frequent breaks, and even though he had lived through and thrived on days like this so many times in the past, he couldn’t imagine going on any longer. He had tried all morning to remind himself that he was recovering from something legitimately serious, that his body had been on the brink of giving out, that he needed time - but it had been _two hours_ . That wasn’t even the length of a concert, how could it be that he couldn’t make it through _two hours_ of dance practice?

When had dancing become something he couldn’t take? Hakyeon shook his head harshly, trying to push away the insidious little voice that was whispering to him. Whispering that it was over, that of course he wouldn’t be able to dance anymore, that even if he did build up his stamina again this was all too suspicious, and someone would figure it out and take him out of the band, stop him that way -

“Hakyeon.” Taekwoon’s voice was quiet but it cut through the storm in Hakyeon’s head. He looked up and met concerned, dark eyes - warm, not cold like they had been last night. He breathed in sharply. Taekwoon was alarmed at the tears visible in the corners of Hakyeon’s eyes and he quickly gestured at everyone else to leave the room. He nodded at his band members, reassuring them, and when the door closed he reached out and cradled Hakyeon’s face in his hands. “Talk to me, Yeonnie,” he murmured. Hakyeon gasped a deep, shuddering breath, shaking his head and trying to push Taekwoon away and trying to pull him closer, too, longing for that warm touch after their fight last night.

“N-nothing, I’m f-fine - ” Taekwoon grabbed Hakyeon’s shoulders and held him still.

“Hakyeon, you promised me that you would be careful, that you would tell us if you needed a break,” Taekwoon said. Hakyeon shook his head.

“I don’t, I don’t, Taek, please - ” The tears fell then, rolling down his cheeks as a sob shook his frame as the pain and fear and anger of the last two days finally overwhelmed him. Taekwoon pulled him into his arms, held him close, his heart breaking at the way Hakyeon was trembling.

“Hakyeon, you need to talk to me,” he whispered desperately. “What’s happening in your head?” Hakyeon sobbed into Taekwoon’s chest, struggling to take deep breaths and calm down enough to speak.

“I - Taek, I d-did all of this so tha-that I could dance! And now I can’t even do that!” he cried, his deepest fear finally coming out. And that was it, wasn’t it? Everything, every drastic measure, every secret kept, every lie that fell smoothly from his lips, it had all been for one thing, and now even that was too much. Taekwoon tightened his arms.

“Hakyeon, you can dance,” he said. “Nothing could ever stop you dancing, if this has all proved anything, it’s that. You’ve been dancing all morning, just as well as ever. You danced yesterday, and the day before. But you can’t expect to be able to do what you used to do immediately. It’s going to take time, you know that.” His voice was gentle, soothing, and Hakyeon felt just slightly calmer. His breaths were steadying, the tears slowing, but he whimpered as Taekwoon spoke.

“Taekwoon, it’s never been this hard before,” he whispered. “I’ve been dancing my whole life, it’s in my blood, it shouldn’t be this hard!” Taekwoon squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath.

“Hakyeon, you were _dying_.” His voice broke as he spoke and Hakyeon tensed. They had never spoken about it, not so plainly. Hakyeon had never really said that he was dying, killing himself. But he knew that they all knew, on some level, what the stakes were. Taekwoon’s whole body flinched, physically recoiling from the idea of losing Hakyeon. “You’ll get back to where you were, I know you will,” he said quietly. “But you have to give it time. You don’t just bounce back from something like that.” Hakyeon shook his head.

“There’s no time,” he whispered. Taekwoon laughed bitterly.

“There is, now, because you’re actually getting better! And even if there isn’t, then we _make_ time, Hakyeon! It’s no good having an amazing comeback if you’re too sick to dance it!” Hakyeon shook his head roughly and pushed away from Taekwoon.

“I’ll be fine. Let’s keep going,” he said. Taekwoon stared at him, tears in his own eyes, as Hakyeon tried to pull himself off of the floor and couldn’t, and shook his head.

“No, we’re done for the day,” he said firmly. Hakyeon stared at him.

“Taekwoon, we’ve been practicing for _two hours_ , we are nowhere near done!” he exclaimed.

“You can’t even stand!” Taekwoon stood himself and backed away, as if to emphasize his point. “Hakyeon, we’re going home, and you are resting for the rest of the day.” His tone brooked no argument, and even as Hakyeon gathered himself to try and retort, Wonshik slipped through the door.

“Come on, hyung,” he said quietly. He winced when Hakyeon whipped his eyes to him, his gaze hurt and betrayed. “You need rest. Please, hyung we’re worried about you.” His voice was quiet, pleading, but Hakyeon knew that he was also the second oldest alpha in the pack and with the two of them here he really didn’t have a choice. He took in a shaky breath and reached out for Hongbin. The beta came in immediately.

“Hongbin, would you help me up, please?” Hakyeon asked quietly. He could feel the pack react over the bond, all of them tense and worried and scared. Hongbin came over to him at once and helped him to his feet. He grabbed both Hakyeon’s bag and his own, and helped Hakyeon to the car. When they arrived at the apartment, he helped him up the stairs and in the door. He glanced back at Taekwoon once. The alpha caught his gaze and nodded reassuringly, and nudged him to just stay with Hakyeon. He was hurt, Hongbin could tell, but they both knew that he would do whatever it took to protect Hakyeon from everything, even himself, even if the omega hated him for it.

Hongbin helped Hakyeon through the apartment and into his own room. He set their things down and stood in the doorway anxiously, not sure what to do. Hakyeon sank down onto the bed and wrapped his arms around himself.

“Hongbin?” he asked, his voice shaky.

“Yes, hyung?” Hongbin tried his hardest to keep his own voice level.

“Will you hold me, please?” Hongbin’s heart broke. He closed the door quietly and strode across the room. He sank down beside Hakyeon and pulled the slight, shaking frame into his arms, holding tight. The moment Hongbin was holding him, Hakyeon lost control of the tears he had been fighting and collapsed against the beta’s chest. His body shook with great, heaving sobs. He was scared, so scared, of never really dancing again, and now he was scared of losing any bonds he had ever had with some of his packmates, never mind the new, trembling, fragile one that was vibrating with the force of his sorrow. He clung to Hongbin, desperate for comfort, any comfort, and cried. He cried over his fight with Taekwoon, over the scene in the practice studio, over what he had done to himself and his band, and most of all he cried for his thirteen year old self, who had worked so hard to create a pathway to the stage, had _done_ it, had _succeeded_ , only for everything to fall apart because he couldn’t hold up even after his secret was out, even after he had started to heal.

Hongbin buried his face in Hakyeon’s hair, trying his best not to also start crying. How he hated this! His beautiful, vibrant, smiling hyung was sobbing in his arms and there was nothing he could do but hold him! He had watched with Jaehwan, Wonshik and Sanghyuk as this built up over the last two days, as Hakyeon pushed and pushed and Taekwoon tried to hold him back just until he was healthier. Now that the brewing storm had hit, he had no idea what to do. So he sat and held Hakyeon tight until the omega cried himself to sleep, his eyes red and his face streaked with tears. Hongbin carefully laid him down and curled around him. He didn’t let go of him once, all day, until he had to rouse him for dinner.

 

Taekwoon spent the day on the floor outside of his bedroom door. He forced himself to listen to Hakyeon’s heart wrenching sobs, being as strong a mental presence for Hongbin as he could. When Hakyeon finally fell asleep, what seemed like hours later, Taekwoon sighed shakily and put his head in his hands. Gentle hands carded through his hair and he leaned into them.

“Are you ok, hyung?” Jaehwan asked carefully. Taekwoon laughed.

“I’m not the one you should be asking,” he said.

“Of course you are,” Jaehwan murmured. “Hakyeon hyung is going through a lot right now. We definitely have to be there for him, and I am very worried about him. But Hongbin has him, and just because Hakyeon is going through a lot, that doesn’t mean that you aren’t also struggling with this. And we can’t help him at all if we’re not ok.” He kissed Taekwoon’s cheek and smiled softly at him. “So are you ok, hyung?” he asked again. Taekwoon smiled and leaned against him.

“No,” he murmured. Jaehwan hummed, inviting him to explain. “I’m so worried about him. I’ve always sort of worried, the normal amount. Even for an alpha he’s crazy.” Jaehwan chuckled at that. “But now - Jaehwan, I’ve never been more scared than when I had to watch him almost waste away. Before we left, when he could barely even stand up - I - ”

“I know,” Jaehwan said quietly when Taekwoon stopped. “I was terrified, too.” Taekwoon nodded.

“And if it had been any of us to go through that, Hakyeon would be postponing practice for weeks. But somehow, in his mind, he doesn’t deserve the same treatment. And I just - I’m _so scared_ of losing him, of seeing him push just an inch too far and then not being able to come back.” Jaehwan nodded.

“Me, too. I can tell he’s in pain. I thought, somehow, that the hard part was over. Stupid,” he muttered. Taekwoon smiled and shook his head.

“We all did.” He wrapped an arm around Jaehwan and held him close. Finally he stood and walked slowly into the kitchen to cook dinner for them. Jaehwan watched him go, his broad frame still tall and straight, his shoulders up. He smiled sadly. Taekwoon was so strong. Hakyeon was, too. They really should have known they would clash, and the clash would be astronomical. He shifted and settled in to wait, his eyes on their alpha in the kitchen, his ears focused on their omega asleep in the room behind him.


End file.
